Are there some hidden secrets to confidence that only the confident, charismatic leaders know and refuse to share with the rest of us?  I doubt it.  If you study the world of confidence, as I do, then I believe you will arrive at similar conclusions as I note below.  Here are a few not-well-kept ‘secrets’ about developing and displaying confidence.  I have chosen to start with these random 7 secrets:

1 – Be calm.  If you want people to listen to you, and follow you, you must show them the way to calmness and security by leading the way yourself.  A confident person has no need to yell, order and argue to convince folks.

2 – Be direct.  Say what you got to say.  Don’t beat around the bush.  You can still say it calmly, and even with friendliness in your voice.  Just make sure there is no confusion.  Be short, sweet and clear.

3 – Have loads of eye contact.  Look them in the eye when you are actively listening to them.  Show respect to gain respect.  Also look them in the eye when attempting to convince them of your opinion or your judgement.  Looking away is not a good way to instill trust. Make a connection by making eye contact – a lot.  Experts say between 70 – 90% in North America.

4 – Your body language should be open and friendly, yet also solid.  We do not want to display threatening, closed or unsure gestures.  We want our body language to be open and engaging so we make sure we have no arms, legs, ankles crossed.  We use gentle but controlled flowing hands, emanating from the ‘truth plane’  – our gut.  We gain a solid vibe by using symmetrical gestures, and having balance in our stance or seated position.  We do not lean awkwardly to one side.  We plant or root our feet to the floor.  A solid base is very important.  Think of yourself like a palm tree – the base is solid but the top flows with the wind and is flexible, so it does not break in a storm.  Be like the palm tree.

5 – Speak with a medium volume voice.  Medium is the rule.  Use medium volume, medium speed, and walk at a medium speed as well.  Match your voice to your pace if walking and talking. Speaking too slowly makes you sound unsure and even boring.  Speaking too fast makes you sound like you are rushing and are not careful or thoughtful.

6 – Be assertive, not aggressive.  Protect yourself and your loved ones, or your team at work.  Stand up for your rights and theirs, but do it in a way that does not undermine your own credibility.  Being assertive means protecting yourself and self-interests.  Being aggressive means bullying to get what you want, regardless of whose best interests it serves.  An aggressive person is always trying to change your mind or force you to do something.  An assertive person is protective and persuasive, yet does not try to force you to agree or change your mind in one sitting. The agendas are different.  The focus of aggressiveness is on the other person, the ‘opponent.’  The focus of assertiveness in on yourself, and your circle.

7 – Trust yourself.  Confidence starts with self-trust.  You must trust your decisions, and your motives behind your actions.  Competence builds confidence, so the more you try, the more you learn, and we all learn mostly through trial and error.  Nothing ventured nothing gained.  Make a decision and go forward.  If you need to revisit it or re-evaluate it later (perhaps based on new data) that’s fine.  A confident person is not blind in their decision-making.  They make the best decision they can, at the time.  They are open-minded enough to consider changes, and if necessary, change course and even apologize.  There is no shame in being wrong.  We all learn from our mistakes.  Part of trusting yourself is also forgiving yourself for being human, and occasionally making mistakes!  🙂

There are more elements to being confident, but for today, these ‘7 secrets’ should get your started in your assessment of yourself and of those around you in leadership positions.