Communication Coach Ric Shares B.E.S.T. Goals – JAN 2008
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Author Archives: Coach Ric
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Top 7 Tips to Surviving the Work Christmas Party
‘Tis the season to be invited to Christmas (or ‘holiday’ or ‘festive season’, etc.) parties sponsored by your place of employment. At first it sounds like a great idea: take a day or half-day off work, mingle with friends and co-workers, eat free food and drink free booze. What a great way to get into the spirit of the season and to start saying good-bye to this year and looking forward to the next one. So what could be wrong with this picture?
At first, I personally did not see a problem with in-house celebrations. It seems to build team spirit and gives employees and managers a chance to see each other in a more relaxed atmosphere, even presenting opportunities to get to know each other on a more personal level. And herein lies the problem.
I remember way back in 1997 I was working in an office in Mississauga, Ontario and I was one of the youngest employees there at the time. I was excited to be making a salary instead of a wage, and I was enjoying my job for the most part. I remember one woman named Michelle who I had developed a friendship with and more to the point, a lot of respect for. We were discussing the topic of Christmas parties (or any work-related social gathering for that matter) and she staunchly stated that she would never attend a work party. I asked why, naturally. She said that you go to a function on a Friday or Saturday, and by Monday morning, the atmosphere at work is suddenly different, because of some people’s (mis-)behaviours. Tension is in the air, eyes are darting around, whispers are heard and rumours are milling around the water-cooler. This is what Michelle did not like, and that is why she refused to attend work functions specifically where alcohol would be served.
So what do you think of Michelle’s personal rule? Is it a smart rule or is it too strict?
I will let you decide. I can tell you that I was a big fan of free food and drinks, and before she gave me her advice I was not thinking ahead to the next work week. After I listened to her advice I decided that yes I would attend such functions, but I would be wary of my behaviour and monitor how much and how quickly I drank, if at all. Here are a few common-sense tips to controlling your behaviour at a work party:
1 – Eat a decent meal before attending. This is to avoid pigging out while you are there and also to avoid drinking on an empty stomach. Displaying a voracious appetite is not professional, nor is getting loopy on one drink. It will then be a long night for you, or worse, a very short one.
2 – If you decide to drink, pace yourself. Make a rule that you will have one drink per hour and actually take note of the time when you start and end your drinks.
3- Sip, do not guzzle. Some drinks just go down too fast and smoothly, don’t they? But this is not a family summer BBQ, this is a work function and you will be judged Monday on how you carry yourself here and by what you say. Try sipping on a light beer, or a cocktail that is not so appealing to you, like a scotch on the rocks or a martini. This will force you to sip on it with more control. This also allows you to constantly have a drink in front of you so you are not pressured to get another. The ‘empty-hand’ syndrome causes us to feel out of place and so we often rush to get a replacement beverage. This can accidentally cause over-drinking.
4 – Be confident in your choices. If someone challenges you on how many drinks you have had or something similar, I hope you can simply smile and tell the person the truth, or disengage from the conversation politely. A confident person has no need to feel bad about limiting his or her drinking in public. A confident communicator is aware of image management rules and is determined to have a happy Monday with no scandals created on their part.
5 – Lie if you want to avoid peer pressure. Sometimes a ‘white lie’ is useful as a communication tactic. It is the art of mis-direction. You can claim your 0.5 beer is a ‘real beer’. You can brag that your cranberry juice is really a Cape Cod (vodka and cranberry). Ask the bartender to give you a lime garnish even when your drink has no alcohol. Looks can be deceiving. Or better yet, claim that your second drink is really your third or fourth. Please note that this is a tactic to use when you do not want to get caught up in the ‘competitive’ side of drinking that sometimes takes place, or if you are somehow feeling out of place for not drinking with colleagues, and you just want to fit in at the moment. This rule is not as good as the above rule number four, but in a pinch, it can get you out of a competition that you do not want to enter.
6 – Be a leader not a follower. Stick to your decisions and manage your image. Do not get caught following the crowd or using the mob mentality as an excuse to do something out of character. Also, if you see a co-worker or friend stepping out of their shell a little too much, take them aside discreetly and give them some friendly advice. Let them know that you care about them and are concerned about their behaviour. Speak to them as a mentor, not as a parent.
7 – Manage people as well as yourself. It is great to manage yourself but you also have the ability and perhaps even the responsibility to manage others. For example, if a person comes up to you and starts flirting, and you are not comfortable with it, you could ‘play dumb’ and pretend that you think it is all a big joke. Smile, laugh and walk away. There is not always a need to make a big scene at the time. Some incidents can be stopped easily before they get out of hand by using this technique. In other words, you do not embarrass the other person and then on Monday you do not have the thick tension in the air, and do not have to have a formal meeting with managers, etc. We have all said something or done something bold when we have been nervous or intoxicated. We are all human. Sometimes keeping their dignity in tact is a great gift that you can bestow upon them. After all, is this not the season for gift-giving?
There are other rules and tips of etiquette that we could go over but for now I think that is enough to get you thinking of how you will manage yourself if and when you attend your holiday parties. There are benefits to attending if you play your cards right. A lot of business is done informally, or ‘on the golf course’ as we say. However if you damage your image in the eyes of management then you will lose credibility and will not be considered so quickly for promotions. You may even lose your job, if not formally, then by virtue of feeling embarrassed by your actions that you search for new employment.
I hope none of that happens to you. I wish you all the best in this December and prosperity in the upcoming new year.
Merry Christmas!!!
(Updated from original 2008 posted article)
Canadian, Please
The Possible Disadvantage of an MBA
As a Communication Coach I train people in soft skills, both for the office and for their personal life. I can tell you that a lot of my clients are people who have developed their hard skills but not their soft skills. Many of my clients are from accounting/finance, I.T., engineering, etc.
Unfortunately I often meet those who have so much faith in their hard skills and/or their advanced education that it blinds them from realizing that a lack of social skills is keeping them from reaching the next promotion or pay raise. Often when they run into a glass ceiling they are confused, and run out to sign up for the next available certificate program or University class.
I recently came across an article in the November 8 2010 edition of the Canadian Business magazine that compared the benefits of getting work experience first, then an MBA. Here are some interesting quotes from page 25 that rang true for me, based on my experience with many of my clients:
“The survey found execs think that MBA schools are not effective in developing a student’s interpersonal skills”
“MBA’s learn how to work hard” said one respondent. “However they may develop bad habits regarding the ability to communicate effectively, and can bring a degree of arrogance to their chosen profession.”
“…the value of an MBA was considerably more if the student had worked beforehand.”
This does not mean that everyone with an MBA has poor communication skills, but it does highlight a problem that exists, at least in the eyes of some execs and trainers. Be aware of this challenge and if you have focused too much on your hard skills try to find balance with some soft skill training. If you are a manager of someone who you think lacks effective communication skills then please consider finding them some training to help them and help your company be more successful.
(From online article at http://www.canadianbusiness.com )
Best,
“Squish” the middle vowel in some 3-syllable words
Take a look at these 3-syllable words:
Business
Chocolate
Corporate
If we read them as if English was a syllabic language, like Japanese for example, then we would read/pronounce them “bus-i-ness”, “choc-o-late” and “cor-por-ate”, right?
But that is not the way we say it, at least here in North America.
The way the word is written may appear to indicate that there are 3 syllables but we pronounce them like 2, and to do that we “squish” the middle vowel.
Try this:
“Bus-ness, Choc-late, Cor-prate.”
Okay that’s a start, but now we have to obey the “-ate” rule, which states that the “-ate” at the end of a sentence is pronounced like “it” if the word is a noun or adjective, and “8” if the word is being used as a verb. For example, “The graduates will graduate in June” is pronounced “The gradu”its” will gradu”8″ in June.”
So now when we put it all together, we should read our original three words like so (capitals are used to show stress):
BIZ-niss
CHOK-lit
KOR-prit
Try this sentence: “The corporate (kor-prit) office of the Dreamy Chocolate (chok-lit) Company reports that business (biz-niss) is running well ahead of schedule and will produce lots of chocolates (chok-lits) in time for Christmas.”
Study Body Language at Home (Course)
Hello,
Are you interested in improving your knowledge of how to really read people and in turn how to act for maximum effectiveness in meetings, at parties or anywhere else? If so, please click picture below and see if this program fits your needs. I am a fan of Kevin Hogan and subscribe to his newsletters, and have some of his books. This guy is the real-deal. I have learned a lot from him. Enjoy the body language quiz on his website too!
People Who are Jealous are Unhappy and Insecure
There is a debate among behavioural scientists about the origins of jealousy: Is it inherited or do we develop it? Psychologists E. Aronson and A. Pines believe it is the latter. They developed an extensive 200-item sexual-jealousy questionnaire that was administered to several hundred subjects. Aronson and Pines found that jealous persons reported more overall dissatisfaction with their lives than others did. In addition, they tended to have a lower level of education, greater feelings of inferiority, and an unflattering self-image.
(Source: The Big Book of Personality Tests by Salvatore V. Didato, Ph.D., page 40)
It Had To Be YOU!
Question: What is most people’s favorite topic?
Answer: Themselves! Harvard Business School reports that “you” is
one of the top five selling words. Your listeners’ ears will perk up
when they hear you say the word “you” or “your” in your presentations
(this works in one-on-one conversations, too). In our workshops and
coaching sessions, we refer to this as the “You Factor.”
Increase your “You Factor” and you will increase your group’s attention
and retention of your ideas.
Here are a few examples of how it works:
Instead of saying: “This plan saves an estimated $10,000 each year.”
Say: “This plan saves you an estimated $10,000 each year.”
Instead of saying: “Forty percent of the population will contract heart disease.”
Say: “Forty percent of you and your loved ones will contract heart disease.”
Instead of saying: “This will significantly impact the bottom line.”
Say: “This will significantly impact your company’s bottom line.”
Instead of saying: The four areas I will discuss today are . . .”
Say: “The four areas you will learn about today are . . .”
Review your presentation notes and ask yourself: “Where can I add impact
and connect better with my audience by using the “You Factor”?
Remember… It had to be YOU!
Reprinted with permission from David Greenberg’s
Simply Speaking, Inc. 1-888-773-2512 or 404-518-7777
http://www.davidgreenberg.com
Speaking with Confidence (the 3V Way)
Many people ask me how they can communicate with more confidence when they speak. They ask if it is a matter of vocabulary choice, of speaking louder, or dressing in a new suit. Today I would like to give some advice on that subject to you my readers.
First things first – understand that effective communication is not just about one aspect of communication. It is not enough to just start using “power words” and expect everyone to bow down to your great communication skills, and give in to your new sales pitch.
My company name says it all: 3V Communications. You need to evaluate how you are communicating verbally, vocally and visually. Here are some techniques to use to help you speak confidently:
Verbal:
Do so-called power words help? Sure. It is always a good idea to have a deep vocabulary so that you can chose the correct word to give your speech or conversation a concise meaning. The key is to have a word or phrase that is presented simply, yet it is powerful. Do not ramble on trying to impress someone with your vocabulary and your knowledge of business lingo. Short and concise will produce a confident result. Also use strong, more committed words like “yes”, “will”, “able to”, “100%” etc. and use superlatives as well. For example:
“The United States is 100% committed to protecting its citizens from terrorists.”
“Toronto is the most multicultural city I have ever seen.”
“Cubans are the best salsa dancers in the world.”
Vocal:
Speak loud enough to be heard by everyone, without yelling. Speak from your diaphragm, which is an old actors’ technique. Speak to the person at the back of the room. When you are speaking confidently you must speak at a medium pace that uses appropriate and dynamic stressing of your key words. We should also add eye contact and body language gestures to match our stress and intonation.
Examples of important stressing:
“Our company wants to do business with you so let’s make a deal today.”
(Too plain and not enough feeling)
“Our company wants to do business with you so let’s make a deal today.”
(Too much emphasis on you and your company’s desires. Could come off as pushy.)
“Our company wants to do business with you so let’s make a deal today.”
(Much more rhythmic and dynamic when spoken with a firm but friendly voice, and is balanced as well.)
Visual:
Visual communication makes up the biggest chunk of our intended feeling and attitude that is conveyed. To show confidence you must have great posture, use lots of eye contact, smile often (when appropriate), have hand gestures that are in sync with your verbal and vocal communications, and you must know how to dress for success. You must understand first and foremost which clothes look and feel best for your body type (i.e. not too tight, not too baggy) and you need to be dressed appropriately for the occasion.
If you are wearing an item of clothing that you have had for 5 or more years, think very carefully to yourself how others view it before you wear it again. It is important to realize that some people out there, particularly in the business world, have a keen sense of modern fashion and will judge you based on that if they see you are wearing a splashy tie, baggy slacks, scuffed shoes, a shirt with a collar that is the wrong size, shoulder seams that rest on your biceps, etc.
For women they also need to be aware of outdated fashion, wearing huge shoulder pads, wearing hair and make-up styles from the 1990s, heavy perfume, and once again not wearing body type-appropriate clothes.
Since I am not a fashion expert I will simply tell you that there are a number of fashion websites, blogs, books and magazines available as well as image consultants, should you need one. Most people don’t, fortunately, if they listen to their trendy spouse or friend. I myself have gone through a number of changes in my dress over the last few years, all for the better I assume, because I listened to my fiancée/wife.
If you are not sure how confidently you are coming across, maybe it is time to ask someone you trust to review your 3Vs and see if there is any way to speak and be seen with more confidence. If you need me, just let me know.
All the best,