I have Mark’s book – it’s a good read. Here he is as a guest on a TV show, explaining some body language and first impression management techniques. Enjoy.
Lie To Me—Mark Bowden Body Language Expert like Dr. Cal Lightman
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Category Archives: Body Language
CHINESE GUY EATS SOOO LOUD!
Hello Everyone,
Isn’t it interesting when one makes fun of the stereotypes from one’s own culture?
This is Peter Chao, and although he is Chinese, he actually does not have such a strong accent as embellished in his videos. He lives in Vancouver, BC and in this video he seems to be annoyed at a common scene found in most dim sum or other Chinese restaurants around the world. Personally, I too get very annoyed by people who eat with their mouth open and talk while eating, so this video rings true for me. By the way, I lived in China for 2 years teaching English before. I love the culture.
Enjoy the video!
Improve Your Body Language Knowledge
As most of you know, I am a big fan of studying body language. It is a huge part of interpreting other people, as well as presenting the right ‘vibe’ to others. I love teaching what I know to my clients, and seeing it in action everyday. In fact, my company is named ‘3V Communications‘ because we interpret and relay information using the 3 Vs of communication – Verbal, Vocal & Visual. But what are the ratios?
Perhaps surprisingly to you, according to an old and very specific study, they are 7% verbal, 38% vocal and 55% visual. That means 93% of all communication is non-verbal, if those numbers are true. But even if the numbers are just ballpark figures, what does that realistically mean? It means I can swear at you, but as long as I am smiling and my body language is relaxed and open, and my voice is not too loud, you will NOT get mad at me! You will know that I am just joking or messing around with you. That is just a small example of how important it is to understand and properly use body language.
Did you know that the singer Shakira was correct when she sang a song called “My Hips Don’t Lie?” I realize that she meant it more in terms of sexy dance moves, but in reality, where we point our feet and hips does say a lot of who and what we are interested in. If you and I are sitting in a meeting or a café, and my feet are continuously pointing towards the door, what does that say to you? It says I am ready or waiting to leave.
If I am talking to someone on a 45 degree angle, that means I am inviting others into the conversation. Therefore if I am square to the person, I want their full attention and would not appreciate being interrupted. You can see this kind of ‘footwork’ at networking events or social mixers.
I could go on and on, since I have put a large number of hours into this fascinating field of study, but for now I just want to let you know that you can study body language with me either in individual coaching sessions or in a team workshop environment, and you can choose to focus on a course just on body language or have it included into other communication training programs. Give me a call or email and I will send you some more information. 🙂
Be a Great Public Speaker – Top 10 Tips
Public speaking should not scare you to death, but the truth is, it is the number one fear for many people. Personally, after watching the movie Jaws when I was a kid, I can’t think of anything worse than being chewed up by a shark! However, it is important to recognize than the anxiety caused when we have to speak in front of others can be overcome. Hiring a Communication Coach can help you deal with this properly, so you can enjoy your public speaking, whether for business or social functions. For now, here are a few golden tips that you should keep in mind.
1 – Expect nervousness every time, but don’t expect disaster. Expect success.
2 – Stick to what you know well, so you can ‘talk’ about it at length, with ease.
3 – Ask lots of questions of the event organizer ahead of time, to find out the size of the room, equipment, expected number of attendees, etc. Visit if possible.
4 – Talk to people in the audience before you speak. If you have a chance to meet some of them before the speaking date, or at least before your talk try to mingle a bit and find out what they expect. It is good to have a few allies in the audience, and it is great for you to know what they expect to hear.
5 – Reduce ‘separation anxiety’ by re-framing the speech as an ‘informative conversation’ within a group. Talk to them, not at them.
6 – Prepare point-form notes or cards and practice a lot with family, friends, etc. No sentences. The less you read the better. Add pictures to your notes.
7 – Remind yourself during to slowdown, pause, breathe, relax and smile. Actually write those words in the top right-hand corner of your notes on different pages.
8 – Research as much as you can ahead of time, so you can be THE up to date expert on the subject of what you are talking about. Anticipate questions and have good answers.
9 – Always relate directly to your audience. It is not about you, but them. Making your speech relevant to your audience and their world is key to their enjoyment and interest.
10 – What is the overall focus? Is it to inform, to entertain, to motivate, to shock your audience? Your whole speech needs to be centred around this vision.
BONUS # 11 – To become a good public speaker and presenter, you simply must do a lot of speeches or presentations, long or short, in your personal or professional life. Tips and techniques help, but there is no real shortcut. Get out there and get heard!
Coach Ric
When NOT to fight
A couple of weeks ago I was out with a friend for a couple of beers, and on the way home decided to go to the local liquor store and pick up some supplies. It wasn’t that late, but as I came out of the store I was confronted by a person; a beggar, panhandler, bum, scam-man, etc. whatever you want to call him. (Forgive me if I sound unsympathetic – actually I donate annually to help the homeless. But what I don’t do is give money to a person directly who perhaps wants to buy drugs or alcohol with my hard-earned money instead of much-needed food. I can’t take the chance.)
Anyway he was polite and I was polite and I told him I have no spare change (what is ‘spare change’ in today’s world, really? Is there such a thing?) He followed me up to the corner and began cat-calling a couple young ladies and getting in their face. I tried to ignore him but unfortunately it was not possible. A few seconds later, while we were waiting for the light to change, he was bothering the girls and so I said something to distract his attention. He turns on me and rambles incoherently something about ’14 years’ and ‘kung fu’ and then proceeds to ‘kick’ me in the tummy! It barely made contact with my thick winter jacket, and it was slow and clumsy, due to his impairment. I had a bag over my shoulder and a heavy bag of new booze in my right hand and so I simply told him (in a stern way but with a smile) “Don’t kick me! Or else I’ll kick you back and you won’t like that!”
My smile let him know that I was non-aggressive but my tone and eye-contact let him know that I was not a push-over or a punching bag. At first he was a bit stunned, but then backed off. The light changed and I headed towards the subway. He followed and apparently not finished yet he called at me saying “I’m right behind you ya know!” so I stopped, took my left hand out of my jacket (I’m left-handed) and stepped up to him with a smile and said “yes I know…” and we talked. Once again it was incoherent (I suspect drugs) but still I let him know that I was not his enemy and that I was just walking towards the subway, and that we were ‘just talking’ with no malice. He seemed to accept that and we shook hands (funny how a few minutes ago he sort of kicked me!) and walked to the station. He went off to harass others and I went home with a smile on my face.
Summary: I was not angry, upset nor had any type of adrenaline rush. I was happy that no violence had occurred, even though some might say I had a right to ‘defend myself’ or put him in his place. I certainly had witnesses to the fact that he struck first. But I didn’t. Why?
I have studied martial arts for 20 years, including stuff like kung fu, muay thai boxing, Brazilian jiu jitsu etc. and I know I can handle myself. I have no desire to hurt anyone. I have confidence to talk to people, even if they are aggressive or assaulting, and I do not have a knee-jerk reaction to strike back. For that I am thankful. I know I can handle myself if I have to, even though I’m not in shape like I used to be, but I also know that good posture, a stern but pleasant voice and solid eye contact can diffuse most conflicts before they get out of hand, or even get started. Also, we have to have a sense of humour in life, right? If not that then at least a sense of empathy or sympathy.
What can you take away from my story? To practice not over-reacting, and to work on your ‘stern voice but smiling face’ presentation when faced with aggression. There are really very few true times when you absolutely NEED to fight, verbally or physically.
Thank you for reading my story.
German computer geeks learn to flirt
(In point of fact a lot of my clients come from the world of I.T., finance or engineering. This article is interesting as it indirectly demonstrates how important social communication skills can be lost when a person focuses too much on the ‘hard skills’ or scholastic endeavors. As a Communication Coach I help people find balance in their life and I enjoy doing it.)
BERLIN (Reuters) – Even the most quirky of computer nerds can learn to flirt with finesse thanks to a new “flirting course” being offered to budding IT engineers at Potsdam University south of Berlin.
The 440 students enrolled in the master’s degree course will learn how to write flirtatious text messages and emails, impress people at parties and cope with rejection.
Philip von Senftleben, an author and radio presenter who will teach the course, summed up his job as teaching how to “get someone else’s heart beating fast while yours stays calm.”
The course, which starts next Monday, is part of the social skills section of the IT course and is designed to ease entry into the world of work. Students also learn body language, public-speaking, stress management and presentation skills.
“We want to prepare our students with the social skills needed to succeed both in their private life and their work life,” said Hans-Joachim Allgaier, a spokesman for the institute at Potsdam University where the course is being offered.
(Writing by Anna Brooke; Editing by Nick Vinocur)
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/090109/tecnology/ctech_us_germany_flirting
Body Language and Eye Reading Article
Hello,
There is a pretty good article on Body Language and specifically Eye Reading on Kevin Hogan’s weekly newsletter here:
Go to Get the latest in persuasion news! Weekly ezine from Kevin Hogan. Yours free when you click here.
That is his homepage. On the upper left corner you will see his latest weekly articles. The bottom one is what you want to click to, the one called “Body Language: Language of the eyes.” These articles are changed every week, before Monday morning, so if you are interested in Body language, please get to this article soon, before it is taken down.
It is from a guest writer who uses English as a second language, FYI.
Anyway it is an interesting read. Enjoy!
Body Language – Is It Really Useful?
“Do you know about body language?”
Ask someone this and they will probably say “oh yes. I should make eye contact but not stare at someone too long, I should not cross my arms because it looks closed, and I should not slouch at meetings, etc.”
Okay, that information EVERYONE knows. But I have to tell you, as a student and teacher of body language, there is a lot more going on than just that. Let me ask you these questions:
Can you tell what is going on with a man and a woman in just one photograph?
Can you predict accurately who is a leader and who is not?
Are you trained to pay attention to things others do not see?
What do you think of Obama and McCain’s body language? Have you thought about what each man is trying to project?
Communication is made up of 2 parts – verbal and non-verbal. Obviously body language falls under the latter. As we learned from the 3 Vs of communication, 55% of all our communication is visual, which is our body language, gestures, attire and accessories. (The other 2 Vs are verbal and vocal, remember?)
If you are interested in improving your ability to read people accurately then I suggest you consider the study of body language.
Today I have a great body language analysis quiz for you! Take a look at these photos of Obama and McCain, Nikky Hilton, Tom Arnold, Bruce Springsteen, Pam Anderson, Sir Richard Branson, and other people and see if you can interpret their relationships and projected messages before reading what the expert, Kevin Hogan, has revealed.
http://kevinhoganprograms.com/aw.aspx?B=17&A=223
I am a big fan of Kevin Hogan. Who is he? He teaches influence, NLP, persuasion, sales, personal performance etc. in addition to body language. He has a great weekly newsletter, lots of books in the bookstore plus several at-home study programs. Click the above link, go down about half-way to find the photos of the famous people, and start reading their body language! Have fun!
That’s it for today. Thank you so much to those of you that responded to my poll regarding our upcoming Toronto workshops. I am planning the next one for October as you read this. I will tell you about it in the next newsletter, and give you a chance to take advantage of an ‘early-bird’ special if you so choose.
Thanks again and have fun with your body language quiz! Here is the link to it again:
http://kevinhoganprograms.com/aw.aspx?B=17&A=223
All the best,
R.P.
PS – Tomorrow I will post some other Kevin Hogan program links to my blog, just in case you are interested to know more about his home-study courses in different areas. I believe he is having a sale right now on some products, when you click through the links.
Bye for now,
Ric
The Best Way to Excel Communication Skills!
Effective Communication Skills Training Course:
Learn the Art of Excellent Communications for Business or Pleasure!
Communicate with more confidence and clarity. Increase personal and professional development. Take home a certificate!
Toronto Sheraton Hotel – June 7th and 8th
Day one focuses on advanced interpersonal skills, e.g. small talk, first impression management, NLP, building rapport, body language etc.
Day two focuses on professional communications, e.g. telephone and email etiquette, running great meetings, public speaking and presentations etc.
SUMMARY:
- You get 2 days of fantastic, interactive and dynamic communication training for business and pleasure
- You get loads of materials and books to take home
- You get 20% off regular room rates at Sheraton Hotel, should you choose to stay there
- You get a beautiful Certificate of Completion showing that you care about your personal and professional development, and have taken steps towards gaining excellent communications
- You get a complimentary coaching session to get your personal communications assessed
What are you waiting for?
For more info and/or to register please visit http://www.CommunicationCoach.ca and take advantage of our current ‘early bird’ special rate – Must register before April 30th!
I look forward to meeting you and taking you to the next level of confident communications. Any questions please do not hesitate to ask.
(UPDATED NOTE: we/3V used to offer public workshops but now focus on corporate team training workshops instead, FYI) – Ric April 2015
Communication Barriers in Moscow
Hello my friends,
It has been a while since my last newsletter. At that time I was reporting on why New Year’s resolutions fail. That newsletter caught the attention of someone at CBC and I was invited to come in to the studio on the morning of January 1 to discuss my views. It was a great experience being on TV. For those interested, you can view my 5 minute segment on CBC by visiting my YouTube page.
Today this newsletter comes to you from Moscow, Russia. I am here for 6 weeks doing executive communication training at an oil technology company. This is my first time in Russia and I can tell you that there have been some barriers to communication for sure.
First of all I cannot read Russian, and as you may guess I cannot speak it either (although I am slowly learning phrases). This means I have to depend on reading people’s faces and body language. Luckily I have studied it extensively. We are all human, so people tend to have the same gestures for anger, confusion, happiness, etc. So far my best tool is to watch carefully and smile a lot. I imitate their behaviour at formal functions, just to make sure. Yes I believe they would forgive me if I made a cultural mistake, but honestly, it is much better to avoid them! First impressions count everywhere.
I also ask questions to the people responsible for me, based on my observations or readings. For example, did you know that here in Russia the men continuously shake hands with each other at most meetings and greetings, even if it is not formal? I think back home we only do that to say hello and goodbye. Here you might end up shaking hands with the same guy 3 or 4 times a day. However I have been told that the women do not shake hands, or at least with men. It is not considered necessary for them to be so formal. Interesting eh?
Well tomorrow I am supposed to go site-seeing around Moscow so I will end this newsletter for now. All in all I can say “so far so good” and I look forward to learning more Russian language, and also Russian culture. Then the barriers to communication will not seem so distant. 🙂