Category Archives: ESL/Cultural Communications

English as a second language and cultural challenges and differences in communication

Tips to Help You Enjoy St. Patrick’s Day

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Happy St. Patty's Day!

Happy St. Patty’s Day!

For those that may be new to the countries where this holiday is celebrated, or for those who would like to know a bit more about the beginnings of this day, please read on.

St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated on March 17th in many countries, especially Ireland, England, Canada and the USA. It is a day that you can celebrate by yourself or preferably with friends by doing the following:

1.  Wear some green clothing

Young or old, you can add a bit of green to your ensemble or, if you are more daring, be obvious about your love of this day and dress head-to-toe in green!  Some like to wear a shirt with a shamrock on it, or better yet, attention-getting slogans like “Everybody’s Irish!” or “Kiss me I’m Irish!” 

2.  Drink green beer

It is not uncommon to drink green beer at the pub on this day, though traditionalists look down upon this gimmick.  Don’t worry – harmless green food dye is used.  So if you’re old enough, you should drink at a pub, preferably Irish or British, and take part in their promotions. Most pubs and restaurants will have some promotional games or contests, perhaps sponsors like Guiness, Harp or Kilkenny (Irish beers) will offer freebies (giveaways at no cost).  If you do want to drink in a local pub be warned – Irish and British pubs fill up quickly on this day, well before the 5 pm whistle is blown.  It’s the place to be on St. Patty’s Day!

3.  See a St. Patrick’s Day parade

Today’s St. Patrick’s Day celebrations are all about having fun.  A number of years ago the parades were seriously Irish, but these days, you can see a lot of diverse floats, clubs, bands and costumes.  I remember when I was young seeing a cowboy at a St. Patrick’s Day parade and wondering “What’s he doing there?”  LOL.

4.  Re-tell the original story of St. Patrick:

A young English boy was stolen from his home and brought back to then-wild Ireland and held as a slave. During these difficult years the young man turned to his Christian faith to keep him going. One night he dreamed that he would walk over a hill and discover a boat that would rescue him. Shortly thereafter he escaped and found such a boat. He finally made it back to his home in England.

Later, as a priest, he decided to return to Ireland, where he knew the language and customs, to convert them to Christianity. Other missionaries had been killed, but he was successful.

He added the circle to the cross which represented the sun, and created the “Celtic cross.”

He used the 3-leaf clover to explain the Holy Trinity (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) to the Irish people. That is why the clover or “shamrock” is a strong symbol not only on St. Patrick’s Day but of Ireland itself.

This is just a brief background description. If interested, please do more research to learn about this fun and interesting holiday, and don’t be shy to get into the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day!

Cheers!

Repeat Favourite Phrases to Improve Conversation

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One of the things to remember when you are looking to improve conversation skills, especially if you are using English as a second language and you really want to speak English better, is that English is just one part of language, and language is just one part of communication.

A quick way to build rapport with your listener is to mimic or reflect back their favourite words or expressions. So this way, even if you ‘have an accent’ it won’t be as important as the fact that you are connecting with the person on their level and making them feel comfortable by using a few of their own favourite words/expressions.

This is also a good thing to remember when you are trying to decide if you should sway your English accent towards British or American. The actual answer is – it depends. It depends where you live or who you work with. I am not suggesting you have 2 distinct ‘fake’ voices, one that sounds like James Bond and another that sounds like the President.  I am suggesting that you listen to and imitate the people around you, especially if you are a new immigrant. This will help you bridge the gap and increase fluency or at least a sense of fluency until your English improves a bit more.

There is more I could say on this subject but for now the take-away point is to listen to the people around you for their favourite words and expressions and then repeat them sometimes. Do not be an annoying parrot though. About 3:1 should suffice.  It’s a simple trick that connects and builds rapport.  After all, we like people who seem to be similar to ourselves, right?  🙂

Key Interpersonal Skills Help When Travelling Abroad

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Here’s a story from my business trip in 2008 to Moscow, Russia, where I trained managers at an oil services company in Western business communication and English language skills.  The story does not take place in the office, but rather during my free time.

I coach and train relationship building techniques, like the art of small talk and the fundamentals of a solid, winning first impression. These interpersonal communication skills are vital in life. I also teach networking skills, as these soft skills are imperative in building business relationships. Here is a story where I combined my interpersonal communication skills with local commerce.

In Moscow I was facing a big language communication barrier (although I did my best to learn to read and speak some basics while I was there for 2 months) and so I relied on other communication techniques. They are worldwide, human techniques. One day my old PC laptop  equipment was failing (remember – 2008 – and this was also before my Mac) and so I went with a Russian friend looking for a new headset and microphone in a local mall, and I saw an Indian man running a computer shop. He spoke with a strong Russian accent (so I was told) and it was obvious to me that he was an immigrant or migrant worker there. I immediately felt like I was back in Toronto,  and started to speak English to him. We smiled and chatted and he sold me a new headset which worked very well. I was back to ‘Skyping’ my friends and family constantly, as you may appreciate.

A few days later, after a great day of site-seeing (for those who know Moscow I visited Old and New Arbat, Hard Rock Café, and Victory Park) I decided to add a webcam to my long distance conversations and returned to the same mall. I purposely sought out the same shop and yes, the same Indian man was working. We smiled again and chatted briefly. I told him this time I was in need of a webcam that can skype, and he recommended one immediately. I asked how much and the answer was 1000.00 Russian rubles (FYI at that time the exchange rate was 1 dollar to 24 Russian rubles, so do the math if you wish) and then I asked if there was a cheaper option that could still skype. He smiled and played with his computer for a minute and then said to me that he could sell it for 800. DEAL. Done.

Some of you reading this story may not be too surprised by a seemingly independent shop keeper giving a bit of a discount, but I was told by my Russian guide that discounts at malls and proper businesses are quite impossible. She was genuinely surprised by my discounted price. I explained to her that I felt that he liked me for these 3 reasons:

A)  He thought I was a nice guy; I smiled which is almost rare for Russian men in that business situation

B)  He was happy to see me as a repeat customer; he did not want me going elsewhere 

C)  I think he could appreciate me as a foreigner in Russia – the same as him!  In that way we ‘connect’ even though we have very different cultures and personal situations

Most of us at some point travel, and we should not think that our actions do not matter to the local people. Carry yourself as you would at home and continue to be in the constant habit of initiating great people skills that cut through different culture and language. You never know when they will help you!  People all over the world seek to feel appreciated, to connect, and to have their mood elevated in a positive way.  I felt that way after my dealings with the shop keeper, as I’m sure he did too.  Remember those key concepts in business, and in life, here and abroad.  They will serve you well.  🙂

Are You Coming or Going? (Exploring Related Phrasal Verbs)

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COMING OR GOING?
1. a)  to come across = to find by chance                                   
I came across a beautiful antique vase in a 2nd hand shop in Kensington Market.
1. b)  to come across = to appear
He comes across as reserved, but actually he’s very outgoing once you get to know him.
2. to come between = to be a barrier, to separate
Language or religion can come between lovers.
3. a) to come out = to be published/released
The final Hunger Games movie came out a few months ago.
3. b) to come out = to remove
The red wine stain finally came out of the carpet, after a lot of cleaning.
3. c) to come out = to announce to family, friends or the world that you are gay/homosexual.
My friend didn’t come out of the closet until he was 35.  Then he felt a great sense of relief.
4. to be going on = s/t is happening
What’s going on with them?
5. a) to go on = to go ahead of someone
You go on in the restaurant. I’ll be right behind you. I want to finish smoking.
5. b) to go on (and on) = to continue talking without a break and often repeating yourself.
I know Jack had a great time in Paris, because he will go on and on with stories to anyone!
6. to be on the go = to be very busy
Hey! You need to chill! You’re always on the go! You’re gonna burn yourself out!
7. “It goes without saying.” = it’s clear without being said
It goes without saying that I’ll help you move houses!
8. to go far = be very successful
Having studied at Harvard, I’m sure he’ll go far in life.
9. To go to great lengths = to take a lot of trouble to do something
After Tony won the lottery, he went to great lengths to keep it a secret.

Why I Don’t Make New Year Resolutions (and Why You Shouldn’t Either)

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As the New Year approaches it is quite normal for us all to think introspectively and then talk about what our exciting resolutions will be, to ensure we start this year off on the right foot (not like last year). We hear the reporters interviewing folks on the street, and we read the bloggers giving their best tips to set and achieve new goals.  We read motivating books and then make pacts with friends and family members to enlist their help in keeping us on the winning path to 2014 success.  Sounds like a good thing.
We are often nervous about it all, thinking of the work that needs to be done or the hard sacrifices that need to be made, yet at the same time we are excited at the rosy vision of a new person – the person you really want to be.  We imagine how this year will be so different from, well, yesterday.  We create a psychological distance with our brain to think that the two years, the ‘old’ one and the ‘new’ one, are going to be completely different.  Wow – what an idyllic scene.
Back in 2008 I wrote a blog about why 90% of New Years resolutions fail.  That blog got the attention of an intern at CBC News and I was called in to discuss on New Years morning, hangover and all, my thoughts on how to really set goals and achieve newness.  As an upstart entrepreneur eagerly attempting to get my name out there as The Communication Coach in Toronto I accepted the live interview request, and all in all it went smoothly.  I gave a no frills formula on B.E.S.T. goals, with the advice to make your goals Believable, Enthusiastic, Specific and Time-based.  What I remember most about that interview was the last question the reporter asked me.  Because it was live and unscripted I had no idea she was going to end our interview with “Do you have a resolution?”   Before I could even think of anything to say I blurted out the truth.  The truth of how I really felt about all this goal setting and last minute resolution stuff.  I answered that I don’t make resolutions!  WOW – the coach brought on TV to talk about how to set and keep resolutions admits he doesn’t even believe in them!  That’s right.  The reporter laughed at my candidness, and I think she was relieved in a way too, probably because she shared my views.  I continued to say that it’s about planning all year round, small goals to achieve bigger goals, and then went for the throat on the whole interview by confidently stating that we should not even be using the term ‘New Year Resolutions’ because one can simply predict based on current lifestyle and habits what is going to happen in the new year.  We should all talk about New Years Expectations! 
So there you have it folks.  Instead of talking about our fantasy life that is instantly going to happen at the stroke of midnight December 31stas we focus our energy on a handful of life-altering decisions, why don’t we instead take stock of our current reality?  Start with the idea that if you didn’t make any changes – what would happen, or not happen, or change, or not change, in 2014?  And are you okay with that?  Maybe you are already on the path to success.  Maybe you have already started making decisions in your head that are firm.  Maybe you are sick and tired of something, or of not having something, and are well on your way to making changes with a determined mind.  You may not need a special day to find resolve.  You are doing it.  Maybe the first habit we should break is the habit of making New Year resolutions! 
Finally, as I wrap up this admission of why I don’t make January first resolutions, I leave you with this.  Today when my wife told me all the things she is going to try to change, a quiver of emotional pain in her voice at the thought of forcing herself to do things that are ‘good for her’ to do, I wondered if she realized how great she already is, and how much she has ‘improved’ since we first met.  I then reflected on my current lifestyle, including the work I am doing with 3V and with YEDI, what I eat for food, how I treat my family and friends, and how often I go to do BJJ (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu), and I honestly thought that I’m doing pretty good too.  I do not feel guilty about having a holiday break to relax, and I am energized to get back to it all, and to hit the ground running.  I am not making major changes tomorrow.  I am already in the process. 🙂
Best of luck to you and yours in 2014!
P.S.
If you are curious to see a flash from my past, you can view that 2008 New Years interview on CBC and even the year after when I was invited back on my YouTube channel here: http://www.youtube.com/user/CommCoach73/videos
Happy New Year!!!

Shame, Shameless and Shameful

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Let’s look at the root word ‘shame’ and explore its common uses.
Shame = sad feeling, guilt, or embarrassment.
I’m ashamed (of you/us/myself) = I’m embarrassed and perhaps dishonored.
“I’m ashamed to admit that it was me who stole the winning lotto ticket from you.”
Shame on you!  = Scolding another person for a shameful act.  The meaning is you should feel shame and embarrassment/regret for whatever you just did.
“I see that you have been gambling away all our money again!  Shame on you!”
Shameless = no shame when they should have/feel some.  Opposite of shameful.
“The criminal smiled shamelessly in court as the victims read their impact statements.”
It’s (such) a shame= It’s too bad, it’s a pity.  Not necessarily meant to embarrass anyone; can be used just to politely express disappointment. 
“It’s a shame you can’t stay longer and watch the UFC fights tonight with us.  We’ll miss you.”
“It’s a shame you’re not legal drinking age yet, but next year we can party together!”
“It’s a real shame that you feel you are entitled to better service than us.”  (Meant to embarrass or shame someone).
It’s so shame = This phrase is grammatically incorrect!  Do not use it.

Try them out!

TTC Gets an A for Effort on ‘Personal Car’ April 1st Video

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Many companies and celebrities had fun with this year’s April Fool’s Day, including the TTC – Toronto Transit Commission.  I watched the above video, knowing it was a gag, and felt smug knowing I don’t break any social rules while in transit.  I see plenty of people who do.  I hate their actions.  I don’t hate them as a person, but I hate what they seemingly represent – a nameless member of a crowd who can do anything they want to and they know no one will call them on it – at least in Toronto (because ‘everyone is weird here anyway’, right?)

I give the TTC an A for effort with this video, but a B at best for performance.  No worries – it wasn’t supposed to be an expensive training video – just a gag with a point.  And I love their point.

We as riders love to complain about the TTC staff (drivers and operators) and sometimes they deserve it, but I love the fact that this video illustrates the more pervasive issue on the transit, and that is customer behaviour.   I almost wish (almost…) that TTC employed ‘social police’ that would come around the trains and give out warnings and tickets for fines to the people who listen loudly to their music on their phones (with no head phones), who put their bags all over the floor or in the seat next to them, who stand broadly in front of the doors that people need to exit and board from, who pig out loudly and messily, and those that have inappropriate loud conversations with friends in person or over the phone.  I’ve heard hard-core cursing, racism, sexism and general craziness during my rides over the years!  I’ve seen a dude roll a joint in a busy car at rush hour without a care in the world.  I’ve seen scam artists try to persuade others to give them money.

I’ve also seen kindness, tolerance, patience and happiness, and that is what I mostly see every day.

I am glad to know that I am one of the many positive contributors to a better way on the TTC.  I hope this video helps to create more.  Good job TTC!

Why Teaching Idioms (Slang, Expressions) is Important in Business English

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Like many of you I have a profile on the networking site LinkedIn. (You can find me at http://www.linkedin.com/in/communicationcoach )  One of the benefits of LinkedIn is becoming a member of a group related to our fields or interests.  I subscribe to a number of groups, and sometimes feel compelled to add my two cents to the discussions.  A few days ago was one of those times that I thought I could contribute.

In the group Business English Instructors, someone opened a discussion about President Obama’s recent slip-up when he mixed a Star Wars and a Star Trek pop culture reference together during a speech.  (The exact expression he created was “a jedi mind-meld.”)

This posting in LinkedIn led to a discussion amongst the members of the Business English teaching community to debate the virtues of teaching or not teaching idioms, slang and pop culture references in their BE (Business English) classes.

I felt that due to my direct experience with teaching idioms I should reply, and so I did.  Below is a copy of my comment on the subject, which may interest some of you:

“The question a teacher or trainer needs to ask is “what is the operating language of this location?”  When I was teaching English in China a long long time ago there was very little need for idioms to be taught. The focus was on getting students to pass exams and communicate on a certain level with other Chinese or some foreign teachers, in China. The operating language was ‘functional and academic’ English, for the most part, and I adjusted my conversations and teaching style to match.

But when I was asked to do manager training many years later in Moscow, Russia, part of the requested curriculum was to teach business expressions and cultural notes to the North American style of office communications. They ‘operated’ in English with North Americans and some British, and wanted to better understand their counterparts’ words and culture.

As a Communication Coach working mostly in Toronto and the surrounding area, a number of my clients are immigrants and foreign workers. Typically they have excellent hard skills and education, but often lack the soft skills we would like them to have to fit in. I know that sounds harsh, but it is an unspoken reality – we want them to understand us and our way of business communications here. This is the location. This is where business is done. You need to understand us and our way of doing things.

I often teach everyday and business idioms and expressions to clients, even if it is for just 10 minutes at the beginning of the session, as a warm up. They want to be better equipped for the water cooler as well as the boardroom. Ignoring idioms and pop culture references limits their ability to build relationships, to fully understand those around them, to join in the discussion, to understand the nuances and contexts of conversations, etc. Remember – I am talking about working here in Toronto’s business world, not overseas.

As a last morsel of food for thought, I’ll share this with you too: When my company created an English Communication Skills Assessment for a prominent police service to be used in conjunction with the hiring process, idioms and expressions were tested for, in addition to the usual suspects of grammar, spelling, reading comprehension, writing and speaking/listening. Why would we do this? Because we were told by senior training officers that they found it frustrating when they spoke to new recruits in a casual, informal way (i.e. with idioms and slang) and some newbies didn’t understand them, and it slowed down communication. When you think about the seriousness of policing, you might imagine how miscommunication could impact the lives and the safety of officers and the public.

I know on one hand it sounds too strict or maybe too much focus is being given to idioms, but I think when you consider how prominent idioms, slang, lingo and pop culture references really are, especially in an English-speaking operating country/company, you will realize the benefits of teaching them to those that could use the knowledge to improve their personal and professional lives.”