Category Archives: Speak English Better

accent reduction, idioms and slang, grammar, vocabulary, ESL challenges.

How to Communicate with Confidence – Tip

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Medium is the rule.

Walk at a medium pace. Walking too fast gives the impression that you are hurried, unorganized, late, not paying attention and not available to speak to people. Walking too slow looks like you are tired, lack energy, unsure of where you are going, and again not paying attention.

Talk at a medium speed. Speaking fast comes off as if you may be trying to trick people (i.e. a fast-talking salesperson) or trying to pull the wool over someone’s eyes. Speaking slowly sounds like you are unsure of what you are talking about, hesitant, and also gives way too much opportunity for someone to interrupt you or cut you off before your thought is complete. It may also sound unintelligent.

Finally, use medium volume for the current environment, which is to say don’t be the softest speaker in the group which looks weak and unsure, and don’t be the loudest which comes off as attention-seeking behaviour and may look like you are arrogant and over-confident. Medium is the key, with a nice rhythm of pauses and stressed key words.

Incorporate this simple but powerful tool today!

Interested in Accent Reduction?

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Then watch this clip of Steve Martin in “The Pink Panther” to see how difficult it can be, especially if you want to rush it. Heck even if you are not interested in A/R, just watch this clip now – have a laugh!

I have been coaching accent reduction specifically since 2001. You have to have a sense of humour about it at times, but if you practice regularly and don’t give up, you can indeed reduce your accent and speak more clearly.  Here is the same video link, FYI.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlOiYrlvW6g

Communication – Not English

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Recently I was talking to a new immigrant to Toronto who admitted that she usually does not speak to people that are in the service industry, during day to day transactions. I was surprised by this admission and of course wanted details, because, although English is her second language, she and I spoke easily together. She is not a beginner by far, and has already studied and worked in Toronto where English is the common tongue. She said and I quote “That’s what I love about (multicultural) Toronto – no one has to talk to each other.”

I do not share her view or reasoning on this, but to be fair, let me explain a bit further.

What she is really saying is that many people here have accents and varying levels of English, and it is quite common to meet someone who does not have a great command of English, but still we all are able to buy our groceries, get a taxi ride, go to the corner store and eat a great meal. She feels she fits in nicely and does not want to rock the boat. She doesn’t have to stress herself out in speaking unnecessary English and all is forgiven if she makes a mistake.

I agree that people should not stress out about a mistake here or there, as the important thing overall is being understood. But I also had another message to give her.

Here is what I told her. It’s not about accents or level of language proficiency. It’s about human-to-human communication skill. The person who is comfortable smiling, chatting, reading other people’s emotions and body language etc. is in a much better position to be happier and more successful in this or any other city. Those with excellent communication skills transcend language. I will say that again. Those with excellent (interpersonal) communication skills transcend language. They are charming, witty, memorable, viewed as friendly, confident, attractive and a positive influence on another person’s (perhaps boring) day.

Think about your actions the next time you are buying something or have an everyday errand to run. Do you want people to be kind and friendly to you? Are you being kind and friendly to them, regardless?

On a final note, I would like those of you living in a city that celebrates the Christmas season (regardless of religious background or beliefs) to notice how the majority of people tend to be a bit kinder and friendlier to each other during this season (not including Boxing Day shoppers, of course! Ha ha…). Why is that?

To steal a line from a famous Christmas carol – “If everyday could be like Christmas, what a wonderful world it would be!”

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!

Bookend Your Voice Messages

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This means leave your (full) name and number clearly at the beginning and ending of your messages.

Sometimes we are in a hurry and forget the little things that really help communication. Or we are just simply used to speaking quickly as our natural voice. And sometimes we forget that cell phones and the like cut out at inopportune times, leaving the listener with an incomplete message. This happened to me recently when someone left me a voice message that was very quietly spoken, and unfortunately, with an incomplete phone number. If that person would have ‘bookended’ her message to me, there would have been 2 chances for me to hear her name and number. So here is today’s lesson:

Speak at a medium volume, medium speed when recording your voice messages, both on your own machine or when leaving a message on someone else’s. And say your name and number at the beginning and end. Being an excellent communicator is about taking responsibility to assist your listeners as well as being a clear speaker.

Use EFT for Fear of Public Speaking, etc.

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Have you heard of EFT? Emotional Freedom Techniques. This is a non-invasive form of self-therapy to activate pressure points (chi or qi points in Asian medicine) that hold negative emotional build-up and disrupt your body’s natural energy flow. The theory is that if you can release these negative emotions or scars from previous times, you will be in better health, and manage phobias better too.
Why believe me? Don’t. Research it yourself and make your own decision. It is the same principle as accu-pressure. Here is the website: http://www.emofree.com
You can also find videos on Youtube if you search ‘EFT’.

What do I think?  I know a few people who are trying this and they say it is very helpful for insomnia and post-traumatic stress disorder. I used it to relieve back pain and laziness. I used it on a couple of my clients too. One person felt better about her back pain. Another reduced her anxiety over her upcoming public speaking at work. She went from an 8/10 fear to a 5/10 in 2 minutes.

I am interested in EFT, although I am not sure I believe all the testimonials. Some people claim to rid themselves of disease, help babies who are teething, and even unclog toilets! (Yuck!)
For now I am going to continue to explore it, research it, and use it on myself and clients. I like market research. Then I may decide to get officially certified in Advanced EFT techniques. Check out their website for a free video, manual, newsletter, etc. www.emofree.com.
By the way I am not affiliated with them and receive no kickbacks. I just think this could be really useful for public speaking and presentations, and overall improvement in our emotional health.

Public Speaking Top 10 tips

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1 – Expect nervousness every time, but don’t expect disaster. Expect success.

2 – Stick to what you know well, so you can ‘talk’ about it at length, with ease.

3 – Ask lots of questions of the event organizer ahead of time, to find out the size of the room, equipment, expected number of attendees, etc. Visit if possible.

4 – Talk to people in the audience before you speak. If you have a chance to meet some of them before the speaking date, or at least before you talk try to mingle a bit and find out what they expect. It is good to have an ally in the audience, and it is great for you to know what they expect to hear.

5 – Reduce ‘separation anxiety’ by reframing it as an ‘informative conversation’
within a group. Talk to them, not at them.

6 – Remind yourself during to slow down, pause, breathe, relax and smile.

7 – Prepare point-form notes or cards and practice a lot with family, friends, etc.

8 – Research as much as you can ahead of time, so you can be an up to date expert on the subject of what you are talking about.

9 – Always relate directly to your audience. Making your speech relevant to your audience is key to their enjoyment and interest.

10 – What is the overall focus? Is it to inform, to entertain, to motivate, to shock your audience? Your whole speech needs to be centred around this vision.

Speakers Gold talent Search

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I recently was invited to attend a local speaking competition, held on June 21st, here in Toronto. I was in the audience of about 40 people, and there were 10 speakers, who each had only 3 minutes to express themselves in a way that impacted the audience, and their 3 judges.

The first 2 speakers had English as a second language, and so right off the bat I want to say how brave they are! Public speaking is never easy, even for seasoned pros like me, but to use a second language? Wow. My hat goes off to them.

I noticed a lot of speakers were talking about overcoming their own personal tragedies in life, and using it to empower or motivate others. This reminded me more of a Life Coaching seminar, of which I have attended a few. (Studying Life Coaching actually brought me to starting Communication Coaching…).

Effective public speaking has certain rules of engagement, like getting the audience involved, building rapport with them, eye contact, moving around the stage, and building sympathy or empathy. Although I felt at times that some of the participants were ‘guilt-tripping’ us in the audience, perhaps that was just due to their 3 minute time constraint. Had this event been billed as “Speaking of Courage” or the like, it would have been perfect.

Nevertheless I want to say that everyone did a great job, and there were a few outstanding speakers, which I really enjoyed watching. I wondered to myself if they get nervous like I do, right before they go on stage? I’ll never know for sure, because a good public speaker always remembers the golden rule: It’s okay to be nervous. Expect it. But never let them see you sweat!

For more information on Speakers Gold, visit them here: www.speakersgold.com

Have a great week and enjoy your upcoming long weekend! Happy Canada Day! (July 1st for those out of the country…)

The 3Ps of Communication

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Before I tell you about the 3Ps, I just want to thank all of you who have attended my previous workshops/coaching sessions. Thank you very much for your support and your referrals. Remember, I take requests! So please, get in touch with me if you have any questions about small group or private coaching, on any communication challenge you would like to overcome.

Okay, here we go:

The 3Ps are easy to remember and implement. They are something you can keep in the back of your mind when you are communicating in person, over the phone or in writing to give the proper, purposeful tone that you would hope to get from others.

Professional – yes, the first one was a no-brainer. But what exactly does it mean to be professional? It means to be diplomatic, to not show stress, to listen carefully to others who may be complaining or challenging you, and it means to keep in mind at all times that you are a reflection of your company or organization. You cannot afford to take things personally.

Polite – This means at all times, especially in Canada, using or even over-using polite words, phrases and intonation. Notice that it is not enough just to use the words and phrases. We must use a sincere tone, or else we lose credibility. Snapping a “Well I’m sorry, but that’s our policy” to a customer is not perceived as polite. What would you think? What would you prefer to hear? Care about your company, your job, your role. Try to help people even if they are angry and blaming you.

Positive – Use positive words and phrases. Use open body language. Talk about what you or ‘we’ CAN do in the situation, not CANNOT do. Focus on the solution. If you must give negative feedback, accentuate the positive first. Use phrases like ‘remember’, instead of ‘don’t forget’. Use ‘I’ statements not ‘you’ statements, to show your feelings, not a finger-wagging accusation.

Remember the 3Ps of successful communication the next time you are doing business, and I am sure you will inspire others to follow your lead.

Toronto Communication Workshop – This Sat. Feb. 24th!

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brasiMPACT: Communication Skills Refinement; Impact and Influence

An intensive, hands-on communications training workshop designed to help individuals maximize their potential for team work and leadership. Training includes practical work in the classroom on accent improvement, presentation & public speaking skills, understanding body language, and other applied communication skills.

This is ideal for immigrants working or wanting to work in a professional environment.

BRASI (Business Research And Service Institute) has been running training courses for higher productivity since 1981. You need not be affiliated with BRASI to join this workshop.
Ric Phillips, Communication Coach, will be teaching and running the workshop.

This workshop will be held at the York University Executive Learning Centre (Schulich) from 9:00 AM to 3:00 PM
Lunch will be provided. Free parking as well!

Cost is $185.00.

If interested please visit this link to register:

http://www.brasi.org/english.php

You can contact Aftab Khan directly at 416-388-8556 or Ric Phillips at 416-429-7935.

We hope to hear from you soon!

Thank you.

R-E-O Improves Your Active Listening Skills

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Active listening skills are important to utilize in your everyday life, in the workplace and at home. Passively listening while multi-tasking several things can give the impression that you are not paying attention, and could cause people to avoid you or maybe even resent you.

Recently I met a senior manager at a global financial company who has had the benefit of over 20 years of the best sales and management training.  He knew that we all need a reminder once in a while of the simple communication strategies that work best. He agreed that active listening skills are very valuable and can make the difference between a sale and a loss.  Also, he mentioned that we do not want our colleagues to think that we are not listening, or do not care about their problems. Active listening can really help.  Here is a simple formula to help you – REO.

R – Reflect back or ‘paraphrase’ their main ideas, content, key words and ideas. You need not use the exact same phrase or sentences; rather just serve back the message that you got their main points. The beauty of this is that it immediately gives an opportunity to clear up any miscommunication right at the beginning of the conversation, as opposed to getting halfway through only then to realize you weren’t following the whole picture, and you have to start again from the top.

E – Empathy is a showing of a shared feeling and understanding of the emotional impact of the speaker’s situation. Do not judge, and please hold your own opinion. If you need to illustrate that you understand, briefly mention the basics of your story. This is not the time to take over the conversation. Your job is to listen actively and pay attention to their emotional state and body language. This is why you must be making eye-contact to be a good listener!

O – Open-ended questions can be asked to get more information, background, details that will help you and them discover a solution to the problem. We cannot ask a question that begs a Yes or No answer. We must ask questions that have them talking freely, in their own words. For example we should not ask “Are you going to request a transfer?” but rather ask “What are your options on changing your current situation?”

Also, please remember to be careful with starting your questions with the word ‘Why’. It usually sounds like you are challenging or criticizing the person. For example, “Why are you taking vacation now?” could be changed to “What are the reasons of taking your vacation now, as opposed to next month when things have slowed down here?”

I hope you find R-E-O a useful communication tool. As always feel free to contact me should you have any questions or comments about posts, ebooks, workshops, or personal coaching.