Category Archives: Confidence

confidence and confident self-assured communications to increase self-esteem and pride.

Ric on CBC TV – Jan 01 09 Video Now Up

Hello,

I hate to so shamelessly promote myself, but I want to provide more credibility to some folks who don’t know me and who want to make sure that I can ‘walk the walk and talk the talk’ when it comes to communication skills.

So if you are interested in seeing the latest TV appearance, I’ve uploaded the January 1st 2009 live interview of me on CBC TV discussing how to apply the coaching G.R.O.W. model to your New Years resolutions and monthly goals.

(Or follow this direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_CW3Zu0DLk )

Thank you!

German computer geeks learn to flirt

(In point of fact a lot of my clients come from the world of I.T., finance or engineering. This article is interesting as it indirectly demonstrates how important social communication skills can be lost when a person focuses too much on the ‘hard skills’ or scholastic endeavors. As a Communication Coach I help people find balance in their life and I enjoy doing it.)

BERLIN (Reuters) – Even the most quirky of computer nerds can learn to flirt with finesse thanks to a new “flirting course” being offered to budding IT engineers at Potsdam University south of Berlin.

The 440 students enrolled in the master’s degree course will learn how to write flirtatious text messages and emails, impress people at parties and cope with rejection.

Philip von Senftleben, an author and radio presenter who will teach the course, summed up his job as teaching how to “get someone else’s heart beating fast while yours stays calm.”

The course, which starts next Monday, is part of the social skills section of the IT course and is designed to ease entry into the world of work. Students also learn body language, public-speaking, stress management and presentation skills.

“We want to prepare our students with the social skills needed to succeed both in their private life and their work life,” said Hans-Joachim Allgaier, a spokesman for the institute at Potsdam University where the course is being offered.

(Writing by Anna Brooke; Editing by Nick Vinocur)

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/090109/tecnology/ctech_us_germany_flirting

Control Your Attitude to Improve Your Communications

Hello everyone,

Tis the season to be holly, jolly and happy, but unfortunately a few people out there have not received the message.

Yesterday I saw two guys almost get in a fist fight on the subway platform, until an undercover cop broke them up. The day before, during a big snow storm, I heard one driver yell to another to “watch out, or I will push you into the ditch!”  Even though I was not directly involved in either of these cases, I was still struck with a reaction. Actually my reaction was immediately to shake my head and wonder why people would risk hurting themselves or innocent by-standers over something as trivial as their own ego and misplaced sense of competitiveness.

Let me expand my thought process to you on this.

Do I have a healthy ego and strong sense of self? Yes, for sure. I am reasonably confident and assume I can hold my own in any situation. Do I get annoyed or offended if someone does some kind of perceived injustice to me? Yeah, sort of, but not really.

“What kind of strange answer is that?” I hear you scream. It is my reaction to competitive behaviour when I am not involved in a game or sport.

Winter storm driving is not a sport. Shopping is not a sport. Getting in line or queue for the subway train is not a sport. I think you get my point. Competition is for sports and games with rules to follow, to determine a winner. None of the above activities should apply.

I have built up a ‘filter’ so that when something happens to me or around me 99% of the time I do not over-react with emotion and ego, or with a competitive spirit. I do not see it as a contest of wills, of right and wrong, of winning and losing. I instead try my best to empathize with the other person or people, and I give them permission to be a flawed human, just like me. Through empathy I try to connect with them and calmly work at resolving the issue, one way or another.

Empathy is the key to communication. We must try to listen, read body language and see the issue from the other person’s perspective. We do not need to fight, or run away, or apologize, or get riled up with defensiveness. We instead should practice self-control and empathy first.

I know some of you understand exactly what I am saying, and I also know some of you are wondering what happy-pill I just took. 🙂   The truth is (to me anyway) that attitude, self-confidence, self-control, conflict management skills and empathy are huge parts of better communication, and that is why we need to incorporate them. When we get emotional and defensive in attitude, we cannot think as clearly as when we maintain our composure, relate to the key emotions first, then problem solve the situation to a satisfactory resolution.

On a personal note I would like to share something with you. Over 20 years of study and practice in martial arts here in Canada and abroad in Asia have taught me two important things. One: I assume I can fight, and I will always hope to be able to hold my own.  Two: I hate to fight, and will do everything I can to avoid it.

Just because I can do something, does not mean that I should do that thing.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you, wherever you are. Enjoy your family time and control your positive attitude, no matter what happens to you or around you.

That will serve you as a gift that keeps on giving, throughout your life, and also for the others around you.

All the best,

Ric

The Confident Leader

Hello my friends,

I am happy to introduce to you Larina Case. Last year I bought her book “The Confident Speaker” and use it’s advice to help my clients improve public speaking and presentations. Today I am participating in a ‘blog tour’ to help spread the word about Larina’s newest book, The Confident Leader. Here is an interview by Larina, which I think you will enjoy and find very relevant to our cause:

1. What if we come across as too confident?

Many people worry about appearing arrogant and would rather appear less confident than over-confident. In reality, it is often a lack of confidence that makes people come across as over-confident.

When we lack confidence, we tend to overcompensate. And it is the overcompensation that makes people look over-confident (or look like they’re trying too hard) and puts others off.

If someone is worried that he will come across as unintelligent, he’ll try to use fancy language, and will look like he thinks he’s so smart. If someone worries that she will come across as boring, she will try to be interesting, and will look like she loves to talk about herself.

There are exceptions. Sometimes people actually are arrogant and have an inflated image of themselves. You would know if this were you because you’d think that you can do no wrong, your opinion of yourself would be higher than others (you’d be shocked by Bs on papers or performance reviews that were not 100% glowing). You’d dominate conversations and not be interested in others’ viewpoints. If this is you, then these things need to change. If this is not you, then you really don’t need to worry.

2. What are 3 simple things we can do to build our confidence?

1. Develop your growth mindset. This is your ability to ask yourself questions like, “What can I learn” from situations regardless of their outcome and NOT to judge yourself from the outcome.
2. Take on strategic challenges. Push yourself about 20% past your comfort zone by seeking out and taking on challenges (not just dealing with them as they arise).
3. Give yourself credit. Reward your efforts (not your results) when you have done something difficult.

3. Can we build confidence from career achievement?

We know from recent research that self-esteem and confidence are some of the most important predictors of career success and income, and that it doesn’t go the other way around—we can’t wait until we have a thriving career and hope that it increases our confidence. Instead, if we develop confidence, we’re more likely to have a thriving career.

Confidence does NOT necessarily come from achievement. It comes from how you interpret your actions. Two people can achieve the same level, and one feels great and proud of her process of getting there, and the other feels that they could have done better or worries if they’ll do as well the next time. (Guess who’s more confident?)

4. How come being effective doesn’t cut it in today’s economy?

As you know, the current economy is a challenging one and it will separate the true leaders from the simply effective people. The cream will rise to the top and they will be the ones who will be most competitive for the best jobs, clients, and other opportunities.

Ironically, in tough times, most people become LESS exceptional. They get scared. They retreat into their comfort zones. They seek security and play it safe. They want to blend in and fly under the radar. They are afraid to accept responsibility for things that don’t go well. They do not step up as leaders.

You must avoid this temptation! These things will keep you in the average zone (or worse) and keep you from being exceptional and presenting your best.

How can we find out more about becoming confident leaders?

My new book The Confident Leader: How the Most Successful People Go from Effective to Exceptional provides a 6-step formula for taking on key challenges, making difficult decisions, and navigating outside your comfort zone. The second half applies the formula to key business areas such as staying focused and motivated, marketing yourself, standing out, and dealing with difficult people. It includes interviews with business leaders such as Seth Godin, Tim Sanders and Joe Vitale. Learn more by checking out her book and it’s reviews.

Thank you!

Communicating Confidently in Business

Hello those of you in Toronto/GTA:

This is the last week that we are taking registrations for the upcoming Nov. 8th effective communication skills workshop, downtown Toronto.

You will learn:

How to Communicate with confidence
The art of small talk and winning first impressions
conflict management
assertiveness in communications

Downtown Courtyard by Marriott Hotel, Yonge/College.
Free lunch, free 1-hr. coaching session too.

Register now for a 20% discount.

http://www.CommunicationCoach.ca

Any Qs, just contact and ask Ric.
Thanks.

Effective Communications Workshop


NOTE: This is the last week to register.

3V Communications Presents:

Communicating Confidently in Business: Learn to Communicate with Charisma and Confidence to Build Your Career Success!
This interactive workshop focuses on building confidence in your communications, people-skills, first impression management and conflict management, plus influence. See website ad for more details and bonuses.

Saturday November 8th 2008, 9-5pm
Courtyard by Marriott Downtown Hotel, 475 Yonge St. (@ College),
Toronto, ON M4Y 1X7
Contact Ric Phillips
416.429.7935
ric @ CommunicationCoach.ca

http://www.CommunicationCoach.ca and click on Public Workshops – Toronto

Any Qs? Just ask!

Communication is Needed for Leadership

I wanted to share with you this excerpt from Dan Schabel’s blog, whom I don’t know, as he interviewed an author, speaker and coach that I do follow, Larina Case, PsyD, MBA. This topic focuses on the importance of communication and confidence (my 2 favourite subjects) and leadership skills. For the full blog article, please visit here:
http://personalbrandingblog.wordpress.com/2008/10/15/conquer-fear-and-add-the-leadership-attribute-to-your-brand/

Is everyone capable of being a great leader? Why or why not?

Everyone is capable of being a great leader in some aspect of their life, either leading themselves or others. If you’re going to lead others, you must first be a great leader of yourself—it’s a prerequisite.
In terms of leading others, I think that about one quarter of leadership ability is natural and the rest is learned.
Inherent or inborn characteristics of great leadership include qualities like thought process (great leaders are often “big picture” people rather than data-driven types, which helps them to create and communicate a powerful vision), and the personality traits openness and conscientiousness. Contrary to popular belief, research has not shown the personality trait of extroversion to correlate with great leaders (not all great leaders are extroverts).

Qualities that can be learned if someone has the interest and desire include the emotional intelligence factors that are so important to leadership—things like self awareness, empathy, confidence, communication, influence, and being a catalyst for change.

What are some common characteristics of great leaders?

Great leaders positively influence others. Two of the most important features of influence are empathy and communication. Empathy is the ability to understand the thoughts and feelings of others. Without empathy, people feel that you don’t get them and resist your influence. With empathy, people feel heard and understood and in alignment with you.

When people are empathic, they naturally communicate well. This is because empathic people mirror the body language and emotions of others, which creates a synchronicity.

Communication skills are made up of nonverbal (body language, tone of voice, etc.) and verbal (what you say) behaviors. Your nonverbal are most important, and through training everyone can improve their nonverbal communication.

Once again, to continue reading this blog, just go here:
http://personalbrandingblog.wordpress.com/2008/10/15/conquer-fear-and-add-the-leadership-attribute-to-your-brand/

Essential Top 7 Communication Skills for Entrepreneurs

As a Communication Coach and trainer for 3V, and as a Program Advisor for YEDI, I frequently meet, network with and teach entrepreneurs from both non-profit and for-profit sectors, representing businesses and organizations of various sizes and stages in business. The titles of the workshops I provide may change but the core values requested and delivered do not. The question we must ask ourselves as entrepreneurs is what are the essential communication skills needed for success in business? I want to share with you what I believe, so you can start to develop your talents as quickly as possible, and assess your personal and team communication strengths and weaknesses.

To be a successful entrepreneur you must be able to:

1 – Make a winning first impression – every time. We must network constantly, right? Every person we meet, by chance or by appointment, could be our next client or lead us to a big partnership or deal. We all judge a book by its cover, so it’s important that your first impression is great. If you need to hire an image consultant, do it. If you need to learn the art and science of small talk and first impression management, then hire a coach, attend a workshop or buy a book. We are not allowed to have an ‘off-day’ as so much of our income depends on our first impressions, over and over again, as we build up our database and word-of-mouth referrals.

2 – Speak well in public. For the most part we cannot avoid speaking in public. We have to give presentations to banks, pitch to potential funders, sponsors and investors, chair team meetings, give keynote addresses, lead information seminars, etc. If you are shy or uncomfortable speaking into the microphone, it could damage your company messaging and brand image. A local ‘Toastmasters Club’ might help you to improve quickly, or you might bring on a public speaking or presentations coach to run a seminar. They can often help you with the organization of key speaking points and making influential core messages to help you get more comfortable speaking and presenting.

3 – Persuade, influence and sell. It is funny how many entrepreneurs hate the idea of selling, when in fact we would go nowhere fast without marketing and sales. We like to imagine that salespeople are slimy con-artists, when in reality a really great sales rep is highly interpersonal and very empathetic. They’ve read Dale Carnegie books and studied NLP, and you can too. We have to get over the old stereotypes and realize that picking up some experience and theory in sales and persuasion is truly beneficial to promoting and growing our business.

4 – Handle difficult people smoothly. The fact that we are self-employed does mean in theory that we can pick and choose good clients, but if we can’t handle difficult people, i.e. people who are stubborn, see things differently, hard to sell to or hard to work with etc. then we are going to end up having a very small client base and only a few people we can work with. Learning how to manage conflict and disagreements is essential as you expand. Rule number one: it’s nothing personal. Get over your ego and deal with the core issues and emotions. Turn enemies into friends at every opportunity.

5 – Manage people. The definition of interpersonal skills could be the ability to manage people in a friendly, fair way without alienating them. People management skill is essential and makes you a better manager or leader. Think of a boss you previously had that was great. Now think of one that was terrible. Which job did you want to escape from? Don’t be that boss!

6 – Read people accurately. Observe their eyes, face and body language. Do not ignore your intuition. Ask questions and actually listen for the answer, but even ask yourself if there is more to the story than the surface communication. Quite often there is a lot of ice underneath the water of an iceberg – 90% actually – and in our communications the statistics are often comparable. Listen to what people are saying and at the same time listen for meaning underneath.  Are there emotions, core values and hidden messages behind their words?

7 – Communicate with confidence. If you don’t seem to believe in yourself, your team, your brand, product or service, then why should I? Getting your message out there verbally and in print is important, and you must instill confidence and trust in your soon-to-be customers and partners. Use confident language; let people know your credibility, sell them on how they can avoid ‘pain’ and move towards ‘pleasure’ when they follow you. Display logic to help seal the deal. Most purchases (if not all) are emotional, and logic is used to justify the decision to buy. Be confident and clear, but do not go too far. No one likes a bully, and no one likes over-the-top cockiness. Be calm, cool, confident and in control.

Start thinking of how you rank yourself or your team on these 7 communication issues. Hold a quick meeting to discuss them, and where you can improve. There are more than 7, of course, but this is a good start to getting you focused on the importance of excellent communication in business and will help you grow as an entrepreneur and as an organizational leader.

Communicating Confidently in Business – Workshop

3V Communications Presents
An effective communication skills full-day interactive workshop:
Communicating Confidently in Business

Learn to Communicate with Charisma and Confidence to build your Career Success!

November 8th, 2008 – Downtown Toronto Hotel

• Are you unsure if you are being heard and respected at work?
• Do you feel a little insecure or shy sometimes, and feel it is holding you back?
• Do you have difficulty handling stressful situations, arguments or workplace conflict? Do you have trouble saying no?
• Having trouble standing out but still fitting in?
• Are people not listening to you and your ideas, and do you wonder how you can change that?

After this course you will raise both your personal and professional communication skills to the top 10% of the world – and that is where you will find the most successful people in business and in life. Confident communicators are given more responsibility at work, are given promotions and raises more often, and become great business leaders. When you can communicate clearly and confidently, but still do it in a friendly, non-offensive way, you are headed for upper management or other leadership roles.

By the end of Saturday you will be able to:
Understand the importance of first impression management, and create a winning first impression that leaves others wanting to know more about you

Generate small talk easily – so you can enjoy stress-free conversations while you network, turn strangers into friends and build strong teams at work

Increase personal charisma and confidence – real leadership qualities vital in today’s competitive markets

Speak clearly with confident language, tonality and gestures

Use the fundamentals of sales psychology to persuade and influence others, and find out how to implement Aristotle’s 3 keys to persuasion while speaking in public

Manage conflict in a less-stressful way, so you can disagree and say no without offending others or getting into arguments

Be assertive without being aggressive, because nobody respects a bully!

SUMMARY & BONUSES:
you get a full day (9-5) of interactive and dynamic communication training – essential soft skills for today’s world of business

Catered Lunch and two Coffee breaks

Certificate of Completion – showing that you care about your personal and professional development, and have taken steps towards gaining excellent communications and building confidence for success

One Complimentary coaching session to get your personal communications assessed after the workshop is completed

$100 voucher, good towards any one-to-one coaching program or future workshop

Referral program – Do you have a friend or co-worker who would be interested in attending? You are eligible to receive a $50.00 thank you for everyone you send us who signs up and completes the workshop. Our way of thanking you for recommending us to new people

Early-bird special price – regular price is $299 for the day (plus g.s.t.), but we are currently offering an early-bird special price (see website) until October 6th.

Discounted room rate – if interested in staying at the Courtyard by Marriott downtown hotel please contact Ric directly to arrange it

By now, I trust you can see the benefits of developing the knowledge and skills to communicate confidently in business – so what are you waiting for?

To register, click here now. Or if this is not highlighted, just follow this link:
http://www.communicationcoach.ca/pb/wp_a4623824.html?0.9709723454620556
Location: This event will be held at Courtyard by Marriott Downtown Hotel, 475 Yonge Street (@ College St.). For a Google map location, click on the address above on my website, http://www.CommunicationCoach.ca

I look forward to meeting you and taking you to the next level of confident communications. Any questions please do not hesitate to call or email me:

Your coach and trainer,
Ric Phillips

Refocusing After Setbacks

How many times have you started a diet, a new way of thinking, or tried something new and then a setback occurs and you just go back to the way you were?

Don’t worry, you are not the only one!

Setbacks and difficulties occur all of the time – they are a natural activity of life.

There are two ways of facing difficulties.

You either change or alter the difficulty or you can alter yourself to be able to deal with it.

Deal with difficulties correctly and it will enhance your confidence; deal with them incorrectly and they can do some serious damage to your self worth.

Your response to issues and difficulties

When you are faced with any setback your ability to deal with it can be turned around into a position of strength by asking yourself positive empowering questions.

There is an unwritten rule that says:

Ask your mind a stupid question and you will get a stupid answer!

So, if after setback you ask yourself something like:

“Why does this always happen to me, I never have any luck?”

Your mind will probably come out with:

“Because you are useless and good things do not happen to you!”

Sound familiar?

Instead, if you ask yourself a positive empowering question like:

“What did I learn from this setback for next time?”

your mind will kick into solution mode and help.

Here are some rules and things to think about when setbacks do occur:

• Acknowledge that it has happened. Don’t hide from it. These things happen. So what?

• What positive empowering questions can you ask yourself?
What is good about this situation?
How can I make the most of this situation?
What can I learn from it?
What are the facts about this problem?
How can we make it a successful outcome?

• Acknowledge that setbacks occur to everyone and you are not being singled out

• View them as a challenge to overcome rather than an issue or problem

Think about the negative dis-empowering thoughts that you think of on a regular basis after a setback. Not too helpful, right?

Now, what new empowering questions could you ask yourself to get some better answers?

Write these down now and make them a habit. Re-program your brain!  Build inner strength and communicate with confidence!