Category Archives: Confidence

confidence and confident self-assured communications to increase self-esteem and pride.

Don’t Hold Onto Anger

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Recently a friend of mine told me this story. She came home from work and saw 2 young teenage girls chatting at the front of the building, one holding the building door open as she chatted. My friend simply walked through the open door and proceeded to the elevator. One of the ‘young ladies’ called her the dreaded ‘B’ word and even gave her the finger as the elevator doors closed, much to the surprise and confusion of my friend.

This stuff happens all the time. We could blame poor communication skills, poor upbringing of the young offender, mis-communication etc. The fact is we do not know why the girl said what she said and gestured rudely. For all we know in her head she was justified. Maybe she thought it was rude for someone to briskly walk through her conversation. Maybe there was an accidental touch of a bag or purse, unbeknownst to my friend. Or maybe she was just having a bad day and over-reacted. We may never know. So guess what I told my friend? LET IT GO.

Let it go. Be the adult. We cannot control other people’s actions, right? All we can do is control our own actions, and in this case, REACTIONS. Why would you let someone ruin your day?

We all would feel shocked and betrayed at that sudden flip-off, for sure. But what can we do now? Shall we confront the villain? Ok, get in an argument or fight. Who wins? No one wins a fight (unless it is a sport-fight). You exchange words, shouts, curses, even blows. What if there are injuries? A broken cell phone? A ripped favourite shirt? A cut that leaves a scar? Or worse! And what do you tell the police when they show up? That you were angry at someone’s word and gesture so you started a fight? Hmm….

I do believe in standing up for yourself and your loved ones. My message today is to simply choose your battles, and don’t waste your time on idiot behaviour – yours or theirs. Do not let someone else’s negativity ruin your day. Chin up, walk proud and LET IT GO. A confident person has no need to defend his/her ego over something like this.

Confidence is Competence!

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They are twins. They are the flip side of a coin. As you build up your belief in yourself to do something you gain the nerve to do it. Once you do it or attempt to do it you start to notice what you are doing right, that it wasn’t as bad as you had imagined it, and that maybe next time will be even better.

As you feel more competent at the activity you start to believe more in your ability to improve and maybe even get good at it. This gives you more confidence, even if it is mostly visualization at the beginning. So I could go on with this email but I think you can see my point. The confidence leads to taking more chances and doing things better, so that increases competence, and the increased competence increases your confidence. It will radiate out of you.

Dale Carnegie said it best: Do the thing that you are afraid of. That is the one sure way of conquering your fear! (He was talking about public speaking, but it can be related to many things).

Until next time!

Body Confidence: How to Like What You See in the Mirror

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From childhood we are sold on an ideal image of beauty, one few of us ever see reflected when we look in the mirror. This article will show you how you can look in the mirror and despite the ideal, see only a beautiful you.

When you look in the mirror, what’s the first thing you notice, and how does it make you feel?

If you’re like most people, the first thing that catches your eye is probably your least favorite asset. If so, don’t worry you’re not alone. Here’s why.

Can you guess how much money is spent in just one year by advertisers to sell us on the concept of the “ideal” image of beauty? Well, I can’t either but I do know this—it’s a lot of money, certainly somewhere in the billions of dollars! So, technically, you can consider yourself brainwashed.

From your earliest childhood days—whether you played with He-Man or Barbie—you’ve been receiving constant, consistent images telling you what beauty is supposed to look like. Never mind that these images are for the most part, anatomically impossible! And, would you really want to look like them anyway? Honestly? I’m guessing probably not.

So, here’s how you can build your confidence with the body given to you:

  1. Look in the mirror
  1. This time, really look at yourself. Reflect on the compliments you have received.

Do people tell you how great your hair is?

How beautiful your eyes are?

That you have a really nice smile?

Try to see what they see – take them at their word.

  1. Stand far enough away from the mirror so that you can take it all in. What do you see? Find at least three positive things.
  1. Now, get up close. Really close. Look at your eyes—the irises. What colour are they? Are they all one colour or are there flecks of various colours? How would you describe them using positive analogies or adjectives?
  1. Now, smile. What does your smile convey? Warmth? Happiness?
  1. Find at least three characteristics you like best about yourself, and then accentuate them as you dress to go out. For example, if you love your eyes, make sure your hair doesn’t cover them up. Love your lips? Make sure to keep them soft and moisturized. Your hair? Get a flattering cut and condition it regularly to keep it shiny and healthy. In short, amplify what you like, and don’t worry about the parts that you don’t.

Here are some ways to do just that:

1 – Go shopping and bring a good friend. Ask them to help you pick out colours and clothes they think flatter you. Don’t worry if your first reaction is “that’s not me!” Experiment!

2 – Feel better about whatever it is you don’t like about yourself by picturing the absolute worst-case scenario. Exaggerate whatever it is you’re hung up on and blow it up in you mind until it’s comical. Then look in the mirror—not so bad anymore is it? Accept yourself for who you are, how you look, and focus on what really matters—the things about you that can’t be seen—your heart, mind and soul!

3 – What do you want people to praise you for? Is it really how you look? Probably not. You probably want people to think you’re funny, smart, nice, or generous—something along those lines right?

4 – Make a list of your positive personal qualities and characteristics. Then ask yourself, what’s more important? Get involved in activities that build on your personal characteristics—volunteer, join a club, take a class to sharpen a talent. These will help you emphasize and focus on the more important qualities that get you through life successfully, and with more fun.

Live life, love fully and laugh often!

Are You on a Confidence Tightrope?

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Do you know how confident you should act in your presentations?

Robert Herjavec (one of the angel investors from the TV show “Dragons’ Den” and “Shark Tank”) was recently asked this question: “What’s the most common fundraising flaw you see in entrepreneurs?”
His answer: “Overconfidence, bordering on arrogance. Or lack of confidence, bordering on insecurity.”

As a coach and a believer in the power of confident communications, I know how hard it is to walk this tightrope. You don’t want to fall right?  So what should we do? Well the answer for communication is the same answer for the real situation – KEEP YOUR BALANCE.

You must be confident in your pitching and presentations. If you are trying to convince others to believe in you or follow you, you must give them a reason and a feeling to do so. That is right, both logical and emotional reasons must be there. You need to be passionate about what you are saying (or selling) and you need to have hard facts and figures to back up your beliefs.

A confident presenter is challenged less than an unsure or meek one, even on Dragon’s Den or Shark Tank. When a confident person handles the first challenging question successfully, smoothly and convincingly, there is less desire to challenge again and again.

To be confident you must believe in what you are saying, have data to back it up and be comfortable talking about it to others. Confidence comes from competence, and vice versa. Make sure you prepare well.

Keeping your balance means that you must be confident to succeed, especially in North America, and you must balance that with logical reasons so that it is not just your opinion.

For example:

“I think you should buy my soft drink machine because I think it is the best value for money and I get a lot of revenue from it”

could be transformed into:

“To get the best value for your money and a three to one return on investment, choose our soft drink machine. Recent statistics show that there is a growing increase in soft drink machine use when a variety of drinks are offered, and I strongly believe this is the way forward for our company.“

In this example we do not start out with our opinion. We start out with compelling facts and numbers that the logical brain can absorb. Then passion is displayed. It sounds more confident, doesn’t it?

Introductions

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Allow me to introduce myself. I am a certified Coach who specializes in Communications and Confidence. I have found that the two go hand-in-hand, and that the more confident you become, the better communicator you become, and vise versa.

I have a website and blog set up for communication coaching and training but this blog will also focus on the issue of what is confidence and how do we get it, as it’s an extremely important part of higher level communications.

My goal is to increase your confident levels, whether that is by you reading my blog posts, ebooks, and reports, or by doing interactive exercises like confidence evaluators, or by hiring me to help you achieve your confidence goals. Whatever works for you!

Also please note that anyone interested in becoming a Certified Confidence Coach should please contact me directly to discuss the training course.

All the best to you and your confidence!

Ric

Is a Fear of Phoning Killing Relationships?

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A couple weekends ago I was involved in a training course in downtown Toronto and had to be at a particular hotel for the event both Saturday and Sunday slightly before 9am. Saturday morning I left my home late and decided to take a taxi, to ensure I was not late for the event (first impression management 101 – don’t be late!). I got a very nice cab driver, originally from Ethiopia, and we had a pleasant talk along the way. Like a good businessman he asked if I was going to need a taxi for Sunday’s trip downtown, to which I replied yes. So we agreed that he would pick me up in front of my home at 8:30am, and that he would call me so that I would know when he had arrived. I gave him my business card which has my address and phone numbers (including cell) on it and we left with a handshake, smile and a solid plan.

The next morning it was 8:40 am and I still had not received his call. Not at my residence and not on my cell. I decided to go to the street to see if he was there. He was not. So I had no choice but to walk a bit to the main intersection and catch a new cab. I did so, and as I was getting into a new cab at 8:43am I thought I saw out of the corner of my eye the cab from yesterday, whizzing down my street, I suppose looking for me.

I got in my new cab and arrived on time downtown. All the time I wondered why he didn’t just simply call me, at home or on my cell, just to tell me he was on his way, or that he would be 5 minutes late. I would have waited for an extra five, even though he should have been prompt, as he knew I had a deadline.

The fact is many people have a fear of calling. Whether you are an immigrant or visitor not sure of your English proficiency, or a native speaker who somehow feels embarrassed, many of us do not call when we should.

I have talked to many ESL students and immigrants here in Toronto over the years, and it is really interesting to ask them a simple question – have you ever ordered a pizza by yourself? The answer is quite often no. Interesting when we know they have the English ability and vocabulary, but they lack confidence in their communications.

In my coaching and training we deal with the issue of how and when to call and how to make it appropriate for the situation. Hopefully when we recognize that a business or personal relationship can be damaged or even lost over a simple phone call or lack thereof, it will help us get over that feeling that it could be embarrassing, and make us realize that a quick phone call, like to tell someone that you will be late, can really go a long way in showing respect and empathy for others. This improves how others view you and in turn, how they treat you.

Accent Reduction – Top 10 Tips Cont’d

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6 – Control your volume, and stress key content words to keep listeners focused. Content words are nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, numbers, and other descriptor words.

7 – Control your rhythm and pace. It is not a race! Use medium speed, and medium volume.

8 – Practice with tongue-twisters, alliteration and poetry. Get control of your speech!

9 – Keep a list of trouble spots (i.e. words, sounds) to practice morning and night in a logbook or diary. Build your own personalized textbook to practice every day.

10 – When in doubt of the correct pronunciation, use a good North American dictionary or British English dictionary, depending on where you are living or studying, to check the phonetic instructions of sounds and syllable stress.

Enjoy learning English, enjoy your new surroundings, and by all means practice accent reduction tips every day until your confidence in communication improves. Then, you will be able to speak with clarity and will find that your accent is no longer holding you back from achieving your goals. Learn to improve your accent, and then learn to speak through your accent!

Accent Reduction – Top 10 Tips

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It can be very exciting studying for a year or two in a foreign country, and every year thousands of ESL students travel to English-speaking countries to have an adventure, take a break from rigorous (i.e. difficult) studying at home, and learn some English.

At the same time, immigration is up in some countries, especially Canada, where the government has now incorporated more support, more programs and more funding to ensure that immigrants who arrive here can get employed a lot faster than what is currently the case. However, most students and immigrants will tell you that their perceived lack of English capability and their self-imposed shyness with using it can create a real barrier to not only employment, but all around enjoyment of their new or host country.

I have had the pleasure of teaching ESL (English as a Second Language) students and immigrants accent reduction since 1998, and have come to rely on a few tips to help the learner reduce their accent quickly.  Without further ado (i.e. delay), I give you my top 10 tips for accent reduction. Today will only be #1 and 2. Check my blog tomorrow for the next 2 tips, and so on.

1 – Imitate the desired accent and expressions of the people around you e.g. co-workers, T.V. and film characters, teachers, etc. This is not silly, it is vital (i.e. very important!)

2 – Record yourself and check your progress continuously. This way you can actually see/hear your progress, because it is easy to think that you are not making progress over time.

More to come tomorrow!

How to Communicate with Confidence – Tip

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Medium is the rule.

Walk at a medium pace. Walking too fast gives the impression that you are hurried, unorganized, late, not paying attention and not available to speak to people. Walking too slow looks like you are tired, lack energy, unsure of where you are going, and again not paying attention.

Talk at a medium speed. Speaking fast comes off as if you may be trying to trick people (i.e. a fast-talking salesperson) or trying to pull the wool over someone’s eyes. Speaking slowly sounds like you are unsure of what you are talking about, hesitant, and also gives way too much opportunity for someone to interrupt you or cut you off before your thought is complete. It may also sound unintelligent.

Finally, use medium volume for the current environment, which is to say don’t be the softest speaker in the group which looks weak and unsure, and don’t be the loudest which comes off as attention-seeking behaviour and may look like you are arrogant and over-confident. Medium is the key, with a nice rhythm of pauses and stressed key words.

Incorporate this simple but powerful tool today!

Follow Your Passion

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This post is not mainstream communication but rather closer to my life-coaching and entrepreneurial roots. To make a long story short my cousins whom I grew up with watching horror flicks have entered the world of self-employment and have registered a small business. I have had many talks with these two good guys on the ins and outs of small business, and on staying motivated to be true to yourself and your passion. Well they have something to be proud of for sure!

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great pleasure to introduce to you The Brothers Gore (AKA my cousins, Jason and Jeff DeRushie), and their greatest accomplishments to date as horror movie special effects experts.

Website:  http://www.thebrothersgorefx.com/

Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Brothers-Gore-FX/340069349436587

I am so proud of them for following their passion and dream. They work so well together and are only going to improve. They are a perfect example of why we need to be in tune with ourselves and why we need to listen to the ‘self-talk’ that tries to guide us in the right direction, but often we ignore it because we think it is a crazy idea, or financially irresponsible. I too went through that phase of self-doubt and had to learn a new way of listening to myself, in an empowering way.

When I teach others to communicate with confidence, it also means teaching them to communicate to themselves in a positive way. Otherwise can you truly build confidence? I don’t think so.  That’s why I offer confidence coaching and ebooks – because we all need a little more confidence and belief in ourselves, right?  🙂

Good job guys – keep up the gory work!  🙂