Category Archives: Interpersonal Communications

Interpersonal human communications

How to Communicate with Confidence – Tip

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Medium is the rule.

Walk at a medium pace. Walking too fast gives the impression that you are hurried, unorganized, late, not paying attention and not available to speak to people. Walking too slow looks like you are tired, lack energy, unsure of where you are going, and again not paying attention.

Talk at a medium speed. Speaking fast comes off as if you may be trying to trick people (i.e. a fast-talking salesperson) or trying to pull the wool over someone’s eyes. Speaking slowly sounds like you are unsure of what you are talking about, hesitant, and also gives way too much opportunity for someone to interrupt you or cut you off before your thought is complete. It may also sound unintelligent.

Finally, use medium volume for the current environment, which is to say don’t be the softest speaker in the group which looks weak and unsure, and don’t be the loudest which comes off as attention-seeking behaviour and may look like you are arrogant and over-confident. Medium is the key, with a nice rhythm of pauses and stressed key words.

Incorporate this simple but powerful tool today!

Follow Your Passion

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This post is not mainstream communication but rather closer to my life-coaching and entrepreneurial roots. To make a long story short my cousins whom I grew up with watching horror flicks have entered the world of self-employment and have registered a small business. I have had many talks with these two good guys on the ins and outs of small business, and on staying motivated to be true to yourself and your passion. Well they have something to be proud of for sure!

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great pleasure to introduce to you The Brothers Gore (AKA my cousins, Jason and Jeff DeRushie), and their greatest accomplishments to date as horror movie special effects experts.

Website:  http://www.thebrothersgorefx.com/

Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Brothers-Gore-FX/340069349436587

I am so proud of them for following their passion and dream. They work so well together and are only going to improve. They are a perfect example of why we need to be in tune with ourselves and why we need to listen to the ‘self-talk’ that tries to guide us in the right direction, but often we ignore it because we think it is a crazy idea, or financially irresponsible. I too went through that phase of self-doubt and had to learn a new way of listening to myself, in an empowering way.

When I teach others to communicate with confidence, it also means teaching them to communicate to themselves in a positive way. Otherwise can you truly build confidence? I don’t think so.  That’s why I offer confidence coaching and ebooks – because we all need a little more confidence and belief in ourselves, right?  🙂

Good job guys – keep up the gory work!  🙂

Leaving Moscow – Thoughts On Doing International Business

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Today was my last day of training the fine folks at WorldMark Corporation/Oil Technology Overseas here in Moscow, Russia. Although this was not my first international training mission, it is certainly one of my fondest. The reason is that in a relatively short time (6 weeks) I have acclimatized myself quickly to a new culture, gained valuable insight into my business and most importantly, have forged strong, deep friendships with people that I know I will see again.

International training (or travel for that matter) is not for everyone, and although I am not trying to make myself out like a hero I will say that I do have the right personality and characteristics for extended travel. What might they be, you ask?

I believe first and foremost that you have to be able to suspend judgment. We all are ethnocentric – we see the world through our own values from our cultural upbringing. When abroad it is essential that you have an open mind and even a curiosity for things that are not familiar to you. Can you have a frank but still polite discussion with others on the deadly topics of politics, religion or other taboos in society? Will it end in an argument or a smile? Will you risk sacrificing a fat business contract for the sake of your ego or worse yet, the beliefs of older generations?

Also I believe that when traveling (for business especially) you need to have a sense of humour. Bad things may happen. Things that were promised might get modified. The question here is can you handle a little turbulence? If all in all you are involved with a great company then I am sure you can negotiate respectfully. Pay attention to things that were given that were not promised. Do things balance out in the end?

Lastly I would like to say a business traveler needs a love of language, as language is indeed a window to the culture itself. Even when visiting a country for a short time you should learn at least a few greetings and expressions. It is the quickest way to start to understand your new friends and business partners. Not just their words, but their intention behind the words, and also why they do the things they do that may seem strange to you. In today’s world of internet access there is no excuse why you cannot download a few pages to study on your way there or shortly after you arrive.

I could go on perhaps listing other important characteristics of an international traveler but for now I think I have hit the few critical characteristics near to my heart.

As I head back to Canada tomorrow I will be smiling, thinking of the good times I have had both personally and professionally, and although I miss my home and the people there I cannot escape the feeling that I will soon miss Moscow just as much, if only for a short time.

Thanks for the memories.

Do You Speak the Same Way to a Taxi Driver and a CEO?

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Greetings everyone!

Sorry it has been a while – Moscow has been keeping me busy (but for only one more week now). I thought you might like to consider the question in the title – from a communications perspective, anyway.

Rebecca MacDonald, Canadian entrepreneur and co-founder of Energy Savings Income Fund, was recently asked a simple question in a business magazine interview: how do you stay nice, warm and down-to-earth in a (sometimes) cutthroat world?

Here is an excerpt of how she replied:

“I’m very comfortable in my own skin. I know who I am. I love people, and I have a great deal of respect for every individual. If I’m talking to a taxi driver, I will enjoy the conversation the same way I’d enjoy a conversation with the CEO of the bank.”

What do you think of her response? How many of you can say the same? (I hope many!)

The truth is that sometimes we choose to ignore people in the service industry, or only listen half heartedly. And then when we meet a ‘big boss’ or have an important interview, or date for that matter (same format sometimes, right?), we get nervous and uptight and ask our friends “what should I say? What can we talk about?” etc.

Why do we feel so different? A person is a person, right?

I aim to feel no different talking to a CEO, a taxi driver, a lawyer, a religious person, a homeless person, a hot woman, or a millionaire. I talk to these people on a regular basis. I care about who they are, their life experiences and I am interested to learn something new in my life.

I also want to make them feel good, or at the very least comfortable talking to me. I take on that responsibility every day to go forth and build relationships. I honestly enjoy talking to people, and it comes from sincerity and empathy. I do not force myself – I want to.

I think we can all learn something from Rebecca MacDonald’s response. Even when you become rich and successful, do not change who you are inside. Do not lose touch with certain members of society. And do not stop enjoying conversations with various people in various circumstances. Simple pleasures are the best!

All the best to you and your next conversation.

The Best 3 Books for Managers?

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The best 3 books on management, as voted by the PROFIT 100 (Source: PROFIT magazine, Dec-Jan 08), are Good to Great by Jim Collins, Crossing the Chasm by Geoffrey Moore, and The One-Minute Manager by Ken Blanchard.

Has anyone read these? Care to comment on what you thought? Agree or disagree? Do you have any other books you can recommend to managers or entrepreneurs?

(NOTE: I often coach managers on interpersonal/professional communications, so any good book I could recommend to them is valuable knowledge and much appreciated.)

The Russian people are great!

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Say what you will about the Russian gov’t, the military and some parts of history, but the Russian people are quite okay in my books.

Thursday I was invited over to a student’s house with her hubby and a few others to eat and drink. I FINALLY had Russian vodka. Predictably, the girls drank cocktails (I introduced them to cape cods: vodka, cranberry juice and lime) and the guys drank straight vodka in shots. The rules were simple. No one drinks alone. A toast or 2 comes before the drink, and after the shot you can chase it with juice or eat a pickle, tomato or fish and onions. (Similar to mackerel??). I held my own (naturally….) and we exchanged language, jokes and legends of hockey. Yes sir – they still remember 1972.

Afterwards one of the guys who is also a student of the English training for managers program insisted on accompanying me home via taxi to ensure I did not get ‘kidnapped’. Before leaving we stopped by his (and his wife’s) flat a few floors below, and when they opened the door I was stunned. What was hanging on the coat rack? A Toronto Maple Leafs cap! WOW! He smiled and told me he also has a jersey to match. This I have to capture on film. So he invited me to come by sometime for Cuban cigars and cognac and we can take some pictures. He also gave me a Cuban for the road.

He and his wife took me home and even insisted on paying for my cab! Amazing generosity. All I can do is thank them, be a good teacher and try to repay them when given a chance – which will hopefully be soon. Russians and Canadians mix well – like ice and hockey I suppose.

Tomorrow I am going to do some more site-seeing and picture-taking. I’ll be in touch.

Build Relationships Even When Travelling

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Greetings from Moscow, Russia again!

As most of you know I teach relationship-building techniques, the art of small talk and the secrets of winning first impressions. These interpersonal communication skills are vital in life. I also teach networking skills, as these soft-skills are imperative in building business and commerce relationships. How many successful sales people do you know who are extremely introverted and find it hard to strike up a conversation? Not many I would bet. There are obvious reasons for that.

Here in Russia as I had mentioned in my last newsletter I am facing a big language communication barrier (although my reading of the Russian words has noticeably improved, I am happy to report today…) and so I rely on other communication techniques. They are worldwide, human techniques. But a few days ago I was looking for a new headset and microphone in a local mall and I saw an Indian man running a computer shop. He spoke with a strong Russian accent (so I was told) and it was obvious to me that he was an immigrant or migrant worker here. I immediately felt like I was back in Toronto and started to speak English to him. We smiled and chatted and he sold me a new headset which works very well. I am ‘Skyping’ my friends and family constantly, as you may appreciate.

Today after a great day of site-seeing (for those who know Moscow I visited Old and New Arbat, Hard Rock Café, and Victory Park) I decided to add a webcam to my long-distance conversations and returned to the same mall. I purposely sought out the same shop and yes, the same Indian man was working. We smiled again and chatted briefly. I told him this time I was in need of a webcam that can ‘skype’ and he recommended one immediately. I asked how much and the answer was 1000.00 Russian rubles (exchange rate is 1 dollar to 24 Russian rubles, so do the math if you wish) and then I asked if there was a cheaper option that could still skype. He smiled and played with his computer for a minute and then said to me that he could sell it for 800. DEAL. Done.

Some of you reading this story may not be too surprised by a seemingly independent shop keeper giving a bit of a discount, but I was told by my Russian guide that discounts at malls and proper businesses are quite impossible. She was surprised by my discount. I explained to her that I felt that he liked me for these reasons: he thought I was a nice guy, I smile which is almost rare for Russian men in that situation, he was happy to see me as a repeat customer, he did not want me going elsewhere, and finally, I think he could appreciate me as a foreigner in Russia – the same as him. 

Most of us at some point travel, and we should not think that our actions do not matter to the local people. Carry yourself as you would at home and continue to be in the constant habit of initiating great people-skills. You never know when they will help you!

Communication Barriers in Moscow

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Hello my friends,

It has been a while since my last newsletter. At that time I was reporting on why New Year’s resolutions fail. That newsletter caught the attention of someone at CBC and I was invited to come in to the studio on the morning of January 1 to discuss my views. It was a great experience being on TV. For those interested, you can view my 5 minute segment on CBC by visiting my YouTube page.

Today this newsletter comes to you from Moscow, Russia. I am here for 6 weeks doing executive communication training at an oil technology company. This is my first time in Russia and I can tell you that there have been some barriers to communication for sure.

First of all I cannot read Russian, and as you may guess I cannot speak it either (although I am slowly learning phrases). This means I have to depend on reading people’s faces and body language. Luckily I have studied it extensively. We are all human, so people tend to have the same gestures for anger, confusion, happiness, etc. So far my best tool is to watch carefully and smile a lot. I imitate their behaviour at formal functions, just to make sure. Yes I believe they would forgive me if I made a cultural mistake, but honestly, it is much better to avoid them! First impressions count everywhere.

I also ask questions to the people responsible for me, based on my observations or readings. For example, did you know that here in Russia the men continuously shake hands with each other at most meetings and greetings, even if it is not formal? I think back home we only do that to say hello and goodbye. Here you might end up shaking hands with the same guy 3 or 4 times a day. However I have been told that the women do not shake hands, or at least with men. It is not considered necessary for them to be so formal. Interesting eh?

Well tomorrow I am supposed to go site-seeing around Moscow so I will end this newsletter for now. All in all I can say “so far so good” and I look forward to learning more Russian language, and also Russian culture. Then the barriers to communication will not seem so distant.  🙂 

Ric on CBC TV now on YouTube – FYI

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This is a follow-up to my appearance on CBC News Television January 1st 2008.

I was asked by CBC to come in and discuss why 90% of New Year’s resolutions fail. We only had 5 minutes but we talked about the main reasons why we fail and what we can do to achieve goals. They were kind enough to send me a DVD copy, which I have now been able to upload to You Tube.

If you are interested to learn how you can achieve goals more strategically, please visit this link and watch the 5 minute segment. Thank you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NByDN0N3YQ

My Appearance on CBC – Summary

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My blog entry regarding new years resolutions caught the attention of someone at CBC – Canadian Broadcasting Corporation – and I was invited in to briefly discuss the topic of resolutions and why we fail. (Thank you very much, by the way.) It aired yesterday at 9:15am on the CBC News Morning Show with host Suhana Merharchand.

For those of you who missed it, here is a quick summary of the relevant points:

  • We fail N.Y. resolutions because of the pressure we create for ourselves to change our life dramatically, often in the heat of the moment
  • We have a lack of planning of the details of how to carry out our new goal
  • We have a lack of confidence in achieving large goals, and often give ourselves permission to fail quite easily

What can we do?

We need to understand how our brain works, how our emotions work. PPP – the Pleasure-Pain Principle really affects us. Also we should understand that intrinsic motivation (from inside) is stronger than extrinsic motivation (pressure from others) to achieve goals.

Use BEST goals to help organize yourself. Believable, Enthusiastic, Specific and Time-limited.

Finally small achievements in goal-setting year-round build competence and confidence in yourself. I suggest calling them N.Y. Expectations – what do you expect to happen in 2008, based on your lifestyle in 2007?

For more info please download a free copy of ‘Achieving Goals’ Ebooklet. Any problems downloading let me know and I will email to you directly.

Thank you and have a great week/month/year!