Category Archives: Interpersonal Communications

Interpersonal human communications

Why Do 90% of New Years Resolutions Fail?

Hello and welcome to my last post of 2007. Thank you for joining me thus far and I wish you a great 2008.

Most of you may be thinking about the upcoming year, and asking yourself how you can improve upon this one about to expire. That is usually when five minutes of soul-searching results in a fantastic idea or two of how to quickly and dramatically change your life – starting January 1st. No pressure there, right?

Some of you may wait until you are half-blitzed at a New Years Eve party to announce the ‘new you’ to your world of peers, and smile sheepishly as they tell you congratulations and promise to support your new leaf-turning venture.

Perhaps you look at the cigarette in your hand and say “this is the last one” or perhaps you feel the emptiness in your wallet and promise to budget better. Maybe you vow to tell your boss where he can shove his overtime policy, or maybe you tell yourself that this is the last time you will be single at a party.

My point is that we have all been through it enough to realize that 90% of resolutions at this time of year fail. The problem is that many of us accept that statistic and use it to comfort our lack of success. Status quo sure is comfortable at times eh?

If you want to know why 90% of resolutions fail, if you want to understand how your mind and motivation work, if you want to understand goal-setting a little better, then please read this little booklet I have prepared. There is no cost of course, and it is ready to be downloaded right now. It is short enough to read in 10 minutes, and includes copy-ready sheets to improve your ability to set goals and achieve them. Just in time right?

Here is the link:

http://www.lulu.com/content/1123471

In case you are curious…I do not set New Years resolutions any more. I set goals all year round. Some big, some small. I enjoy that I have a way to keep track of my successes and future challenges to overcome. It is very empowering and fuels my entrepreneurial fire. I truly believe 2008 will be better for me than 2007, but it will not be because of any goal I set December 31st. It will be because of goals I previously set at various times in the last few years.

Download the booklet now, before you set any new goals. I promise it will help.

http://www.lulu.com/content/1123471

All the best to you and yours in 2008!

Communication – Not English

Recently I was talking to a new immigrant to Toronto who admitted that she usually does not speak to people that are in the service industry, during day to day transactions. I was surprised by this admission and of course wanted details, because, although English is her second language, she and I spoke easily together. She is not a beginner by far, and has already studied and worked in Toronto where English is the common tongue. She said and I quote “That’s what I love about (multicultural) Toronto – no one has to talk to each other.”

I do not share her view or reasoning on this, but to be fair, let me explain a bit further.

What she is really saying is that many people here have accents and varying levels of English, and it is quite common to meet someone who does not have a great command of English, but still we all are able to buy our groceries, get a taxi ride, go to the corner store and eat a great meal. She feels she fits in nicely and does not want to rock the boat. She doesn’t have to stress herself out in speaking unnecessary English and all is forgiven if she makes a mistake.

I agree that people should not stress out about a mistake here or there, as the important thing overall is being understood. But I also had another message to give her.

Here is what I told her. It’s not about accents or level of language proficiency. It’s about human-to-human communication skill. The person who is comfortable smiling, chatting, reading other people’s emotions and body language etc. is in a much better position to be happier and more successful in this or any other city. Those with excellent communication skills transcend language. I will say that again. Those with excellent (interpersonal) communication skills transcend language. They are charming, witty, memorable, viewed as friendly, confident, attractive and a positive influence on another person’s (perhaps boring) day.

Think about your actions the next time you are buying something or have an everyday errand to run. Do you want people to be kind and friendly to you? Are you being kind and friendly to them, regardless?

On a final note, I would like those of you living in a city that celebrates the Christmas season (regardless of religious background or beliefs) to notice how the majority of people tend to be a bit kinder and friendlier to each other during this season (not including Boxing Day shoppers, of course! Ha ha…). Why is that?

To steal a line from a famous Christmas carol – “If everyday could be like Christmas, what a wonderful world it would be!”

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!

Use EFT for Fear of Public Speaking, etc.

Have you heard of EFT? Emotional Freedom Techniques. This is a non-invasive form of self-therapy to activate pressure points (chi or qi points in Asian medicine) that hold negative emotional build-up and disrupt your body’s natural energy flow. The theory is that if you can release these negative emotions or scars from previous times, you will be in better health, and manage phobias better too.
Why believe me? Don’t. Research it yourself and make your own decision. It is the same principle as accu-pressure. Here is the website: http://www.emofree.com
You can also find videos on Youtube if you search ‘EFT’.

What do I think?  I know a few people who are trying this and they say it is very helpful for insomnia and post-traumatic stress disorder. I used it to relieve back pain and laziness. I used it on a couple of my clients too. One person felt better about her back pain. Another reduced her anxiety over her upcoming public speaking at work. She went from an 8/10 fear to a 5/10 in 2 minutes.

I am interested in EFT, although I am not sure I believe all the testimonials. Some people claim to rid themselves of disease, help babies who are teething, and even unclog toilets! (Yuck!)
For now I am going to continue to explore it, research it, and use it on myself and clients. I like market research. Then I may decide to get officially certified in Advanced EFT techniques. Check out their website for a free video, manual, newsletter, etc. www.emofree.com.
By the way I am not affiliated with them and receive no kickbacks. I just think this could be really useful for public speaking and presentations, and overall improvement in our emotional health.

Banker-Buddy Follow up

Some people are curious about what prompted my last blog re: communicating with the bank. There were 2 prompts: The first one is that I used to work at a financial institution doing Customer Service and Collections, so I know how important money is to people. I also know that I would favour the nicer, friendlier people first! Oh yes, I said it. Despite what you may hope, we would always help out the cooperative person or give them a break. Relationship is everything. Communication skills are super-important in building relationship.

The other prompt is that I had a great relationship with a banker, and he helped me get a good line of credit, great interest rates, and took a chance on me when I told him of my entrepreneurial aspirations. He helped me a lot. However this week when I went into my bank to set up a new account I found out that he recently moved departments. Guess what? I got bounced around for 2 days and between 4 people before I (maybe) got settled into a new account manager. Now I did my best to establish and build rapport, but I guess I won’t know 100% until the next visit. I am looking forward to it!

Communicating with Your Bank

Sometimes we assume that the bank will help us make the right decision for all our banking and investment needs. After all, is that not their job?

Well yes, but their job is also to make money for the bank. The bank takes our money and invests it to make its own money. Fair enough.

So how do you know whose interest they are serving?

Here’s my advice:

1 – Do your homework. Find out ahead of time (online, brochures, friends etc.) what are the typical fees, types of accounts, investments, mortgages, interest rates etc. Come prepared knowing the fair market value and special deals going on.

2 – Establish a relationship. Do not just see any banker. Find someone you like, or if you have no choice, establish rapport with your assigned account manager. Smile, shake hands, get a card, chit-chat and invest in the relationship. You might be surprised how far a little charisma gets you around fees.

3 – Ask questions. Remember that this is your money. Do not passively let the bank put you into an account that has higher fees for services that you will not be using. Do not get a higher interest rate credit card when there are lower ones available. Be polite at all times, but ask questions. Only pay the fees you have to and find out how to minimize them.

 4 – Talk about the future. You may just be going in there today to set up a simple savings account, but talk about your future mortgage, retirement savings, investments or line of credit. Both you and your manager should understand that you need each other, and can have a productive, profitable future together if you are honest and upfront with each other.

5 – Communicate confidence and success. Dress nice, sit properly, speak clearly and confidently, no matter how much money your bank account has or is lacking. Ultimately you are selling yourself, and we all know that financial situations change frequently over time. Make them trust you and believe in you.

6 – Lastly, don’t wait for a rainy day or a crisis to hit to ask for money. When you have money and a good credit rating, that is the time to get a loan, line of credit or card. Be disciplined with its use, but the fact is it’s much easier to get money when you have it than when you do not.

Are You on a Confidence Tightrope?

Do you know how confident you should act in your presentations?

Robert Herjavec (one of the VCs – Venture Capitalists –  from the TV shows “Dragons’ Den” and “Shark Tank”) was recently asked this question: “What’s the most common fundraising flaw you see in entrepreneurs?”
His answer: “Overconfidence, bordering on arrogance. Or lack of confidence, bordering on insecurity.”

As a Confidence Coach and a believer in the power of confident communications, I know how hard it is to walk this tightrope. You don’t want to fall right? So what should we do? Well the answer for communication is the same answer for the real situation – KEEP YOUR BALANCE.

You must be confident in your presentations. If you are trying to convince others to believe in you or follow you, you must give them a reason and a feeling to do so. That is right, both logical and emotional reasons must be there. You need to be passionate about what you are saying (or selling) and you need to have hard facts and figures to back up your beliefs.

A confident presenter is challenged less than an unsure or meek one, even on Dragon’s Den and Shark Tank. When a confident person handles the first challenging question successfully, smoothly and convincingly, there is less desire to challenge again and again.

To be confident you must believe in what you are saying, have data to back it up and be comfortable talking about it to others. Confidence comes from competence, and vice versa. Make sure you prepare well.

Keeping your balance means that you must be confident to succeed, especially in North America, and you must balance that with logical reasons so that it is not just your opinion.

For example:

“I think you should buy this soft drink machine because I think it is the best value for money and we will get a lot of revenue from it” could be transformed into:

“To get the best value for our money and a three to one return on investment, choose this soft drink machine. 2007 statistics show that there is a growing increase in soft drink machine use when a variety of drinks are offered, and I strongly believe this is the way forward for our company. “

In this example we do not start out with our opinion. We start out with compelling facts and numbers that the logical brain can absorb. Then passion is displayed. It sounds more confident, doesn’t it?

Confident Verbal Communications

Our Saturday workshop was a blast! Here is a sample of what was taught to help our participants communicate their confidence. Enjoy.

Even though only 7% of our communication is verbal, which is our word choice, phrases and expressions used etc. we still need to acknowledge the impact of what we say on others.

A confident person knows when he or she is good at something, and trusts themselves at all times. They know that the words we say affect our belief system. Not cocky, not meek, a confident person simply states the truth.

Now you finish these sentences with confidence!

I am…

I will…

I trust that…

I can…

I’m able to…

Yes, that’s correct. I am…

I trust you. You can do it. I know because…

We also sometimes use ‘softeners’ when we want to be more diplomatic, professional, non-aggressive and non-offensive. A confident person never wants to offend anyone, and is not easily offended either. They always take the higher ground. They are expert managers of conflict. They are excellent listeners and have developed their empathy levels. They have no need to assert their strength to put others down. They can defend themselves politely, yet firmly. They do not argue. They discuss.

Some example softeners are below.

Would you mind…?

Could you please…?

Could I ask…?

Is it possible to…?

I’m wondering if…?

How do you feel about…?

I’m curious to know…

Sometimes changing a small phrase in your sentence or question will make all the difference between being a confident communicator or a wishy-washy or even offensive speaker. Remember that the next time someone tries to bully you.

What is the Key to Effective Communication?

What is the key to effective communication?

Confidence is the key to effective communication.

You may have an accent, you may not. You may be Hollywood-attractive, or just average. You may have studied a lot at school or in other courses, or you may be a hands-on type of learner.

None of these things are as influential as the ability to be a great communicator. Now for the cherry on top of the sundae – be a CONFIDENT great communicator.

Confidence builds competence, and competence builds confidence. Understanding what to say and how to say it will increase your self-esteem and ultimately your impact on the people around you at work or elsewhere. You do not want to look or sound meek and unsure, right? And I wouldn’t need to tell you how bad it could be if people thought you were too cocky, right? An appropriate balance must be projected so you can lead, succeed, manage and conquer your fears of having an average communication style.

Here is the good news. You have a last chance to attend the November 10 workshop. And here are the details, in case you or someone you know is interested in communicating with confidence inside and out.

Workshop – Communicate Your Confidence: Inside and Out

3V Communications is proud to be teaming up with The Image Factor to bring you this first time ever unique and exciting workshop Communicate Your Success: Inside and Out. If you have ever wanted to improve your confidence dramatically in one day, this is the workshop for you.

Part 1: 9:30-12:30. Ric leads you on a journey to discover how to build confidence, and how to project it with verbal, vocal and visual communication techniques.

Lunch break from 12:30-1:15.

Part 2: 1:15-4:15. Nadia helps you understand the importance of image, wardrobe, and first impression management. Learn to communicate your personal style and message.

For additional information or to register go to www.CommunicationCoach.ca.

Want to Read my Profile?

Recently I was interviewed for a local community newspaper, by a fresh new student reporter. I thought I would pass it on to you, in case you were curious to know more about me, my company, and how it all came to be. I think this is very well-written and I want to thank Elena once again for choosing me as her subject for this assignment, which was to profile a local business person. I have not edited it in any way. Enjoy!

Communicating with Confidence

Profile of Communication Coach Ric Phillips

By Elena Krasnova

He smiles as he opens the door and tells me to make myself at home. Following the advice, I choose the blue cushion rocking chair to settle in, as I get ready to interview Ric Phillips, the communication coaching expert. His office projects a vibe that’s almost too comfortable and informal, because his office also happens to be his home.

As I begin my questions, the phone rings. Ric apologizes and quickly answers it with a laconic greeting: “Ric Phillips…” From what I can make out, someone is calling about confidence coaching and Ric starts pitching one of his six-hour programs, as well as an upcoming workshop. So, it becomes clear that 34-year-old Ric Phillips is a one-man show and does everything himself: sales, marketing, advertising, and even IT, as he designs and manages his web site without any professional help. Operating out of his apartment, equipped with only a laptop and a towering bookshelf of communication resources, he is completely self-sufficient.

Yet although Ric’s company consists of only himself, it has a name –

3V Communications, which stands for three vital aspects of human communication: Visual, Vocal, and Verbal. This philosophy stems from a 1967 study conducted by Dr. Albert Mehrabian, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at UCLA. Based on that initial small study, Ric’s theory states that communication is conveyed visually (through body language, gestures, and appearance), vocally (through stress, intonation, rhythm, and volume), and verbally (through words and phrases). The combination of these three “V’s” creates a fourth “V” – the Vibe we project to others. “Using the three “V’s” in synchronicity creates a positive vibe with no mixed messages,” Ric says.

Evidently, communication coaching is much more than just teaching people to express their thoughts effectively. In his five years as an entrepreneur and a specialist in this field, Ric has innovated the concept of communication coaching by offering a variety of services that pertain to different aspects of human relations. These services include confidence coaching, networking skills, public speaking and presentations, first impressions, and accent reduction. By conducting public workshops, on-site company training, and one-on-one coaching sessions, Ric has helped hundreds of people, ranging from new immigrants to top business executives. He has been hired by companies such as BizLaunch, YES (Youth Employment Services), Blaney McMurtry Barristers & Solicitors LLP, Hospitals of Ontario Pension Plan, and various others.

There are numerous communication coaching companies operating throughout Canada and the U.S., but none of them covers the wide spectrum of services offered by 3V Communications. Ric says that no one can do exactly what he does, because all the experts in the industry have different strengths, styles, and knowledge. Therefore, Ric developed his programs based on his own skills and education, personal interests, as well as extensive market research.

The business was first registered in 2002 and it offered accent reduction/tutoring services and job search skills. The programs gradually developed through trial and error, and finally the company became 3V Communications in 2007. Originally Ric wanted to be a life coach but quickly realized that it’s impossible to run a business in a category so broad. “Every life coach needs to specialize,” he says, so he decided to specialize by playing to his strengths.

These strengths come mainly from Ric’s employment background, which is very diverse. For eight years he taught English as a Second Language in various schools around Toronto and performed the role of Academic Coordinator at some of them. He also spent two years in rural China from 1998 to 2000, where he taught English at a teachers’ college, essentially training the students to become English teachers. Moreover, Ric’s teaching experience includes self-defense and martial arts, which comprise a large part of his personal interests.

Before China, Ric worked as a Customer Service and Collections Agent. This experience, he says, was the most important contributing factor to his business success today. He also spent a number of years counseling and working with people with addictions and mental and physical disabilities.

In addition, Ric’s background includes a very entrepreneurial family. His father, uncle, older sister, and brother-in-law are all sole proprietors who followed their dreams, which partly influenced Ric to become his own boss as well. Most of Ric’s friends too are independent business owners who make a living on their own schedules.

Of course, with its perks of being your own boss and freedom of routine, entrepreneurship does come with certain challenges. Apart from the regular problems of not having a steady cash flow and working unpredictable hours, Ric’s business faces even tougher industry-related obstacles. First, it is not a well-known market. Most people still don’t know exactly what communication coaching is and how it can help them. This stems into a second major challenge – getting people to realize the value of these services in terms of upgrading their lives.

So, how does Ric cope with the ups and downs of being self-employed? “I always try to remember my successes instead of failures, and allow myself to be proud of myself,” he says. Having extensively researched the psychological, emotional, and physical aspects of confidence, Ric has no problem maintaining a positive attitude, no matter what life throws at him.

Besides, he loves what he does. “The most satisfying and fulfilling thing about it is helping people conquer their fears,” he says, “that’s priceless.” Here he gives me a perfect example of a client he recently helped. She is a Senior Financial Analyst at an organization that hired Ric to do on-site training. “She was very shy and needed to improve her confidence and communication skills,” he says. So, they did a total of 12 hours of coaching with two different programs: ‘Winning First Impressions’ and ‘Building Confidence – Building Success’. Within a short time the staff and management noticed considerable improvement in her confidence and comfort level. She actually started to speak up and give opinions in company meetings, which she had never done before. “I was very proud of her,” Ric says, “It was a huge step.”

As for his future plans, Ric eventually plans on training people to be coaches, just like him. He also plans to write more e-books about communication coaching, which he already sells over the internet. He currently uses Google AdWords to advertise, which, he says, is very effective, and in this way hopes to make his business more sustainable on the web. He wants to reduce his one-on-one sessions and transfer most of his material onto audio-visual media, eventually giving him international recognition.

For the immediate future, however, Ric will stick to joint ventures. “It’s the quickest way to expand without the legal hassle,” he says. Occasionally Ric teams up with other coaches to do combined public workshops. This November, 3V Communications will team up with The Image Factor for a workshop called “Communicate Your Confidence: Inside and Out.”

All of us could probably use at least one of the services Ric Phillips offers, but so few actually take charge and make a firm decision to invest in upgrading our soft skills. Yet these are the skills that matter most when it comes to being successful in the workplace and our personal lives. Will Ric be able to get this message across to more people and expand his market? The road ahead will show.

Communicate Your Confidence: Inside & Out

Are you self-conscious when in front of people, not sure if you are saying the right thing?

Do you worry that you are not being heard or respected enough at work or by peers?

When was the last time you assessed how you looked, talked, walked and presented yourself to the public?

These are tough questions that we all have to ask ourselves. It is important to look good and feel good at all times to ensure success not only in our work lives, but in our personal lives as well. Confidence is the key to projecting that winning first impression and making it last. Are you communicating with confidence?

3V Communications is proud to be teaming up with Nadia Baboo of The Image Factor to bring you this unique and exciting workshop:

Communicate Your Confidence: Inside and Out

If you have ever wanted to improve your confidence dramatically in one day, this is the workshop for you!

When? Saturday, November 10th 2007 from 9:30am to 4:15pm

Where? 268 Adelaide St W. (@ John St.), home of BizLaunch

Why? To dramatically improve your confidence, first impression and overall image.

Who? Anyone can join. Students, recent grads, entrepreneurs, managers, employees, new Canadians, singles, divorcees, fun people, shy people, anyone!

How much? $125.00 paid in full before November 6th.

How to register and pay: Just click the Buy Now icon to use secure online payment, using PayPal, Visa or MasterCard. You will be instantly registered!

Alternatively, you may issue a cheque to 3V Communications. Contact Ric to discuss delivery or mailing of cheque before November 6th at 416.429.7935.

BONUS: When you make the decision to enhance your confidence and image with us, you will not only get all the materials we provide at the workshop, you will also get a free one-hour assessment of your personal image and style with Nadia Baboo AND a free one-hour assessment of your personal communication style with Ric Phillips.

That’s 2 free hours of personal attention and evaluation! After a 6 hour workshop and then 2 hours of assessments, you will be a master of your image and confidence!

We look forward to meeting you and taking you to the next level of confident communications.

3V Communications

ric @CommunicationCoach.ca