Category Archives: Interpersonal Communications

Interpersonal human communications

Do You Prefer the Staff to be Nameless or Individuals?

My wife and I recently went to Summerhill Spa to redeem our freebie (mentioned below), and the first thing I should get out of the way is that the 90-minute hot stone therapy massages were great and we were satisfied.  We tipped well to show our gratitude.
The one thing my wife and I both noticed and thought odd, and is the subject of this blog post, was that no one introduced themselves, either when we came into the establishment nor right before our massages were to start.  They were all Asians in black – well one had a white T-shirt on, but essentially if you did not ask for their names you could not request the masseuse again.  I actually did ask their names (as is my habit and training) and both ladies seemed surprised.  So my first thought was that this was a customer service training mistake, and also it was doing a dis-service to the masseuses as surely their tips and requests would rise if they introduced themselves at the beginning, built rapport and thanked the patrons as they left, giving the patron a name to go with the face and service.
Then it occurred to me that perhaps the management had not over-looked something.  Perhaps they intentionally did not use name-tags, and did not encourage the staff to introduce themselves. 
Why would that be? 
Perhaps to establish a sense of standardization of service at the spa.  In other words – don’t come to the spa just for your favourite girl, because if/when she leaves to go work elsewhere, she might take clients with her!  At the very least clients who’d grown accustomed to her may not return. 
The funny thing is as mentioned before that all the girls are Asian, so if you are not too good at differentiating between Chinese, Korean and Japanese, and if you didn’t ask for names, you simply could not request the same masseuse you had for the next time.  You would have to trust in the standardization of quality of the ‘Women in Black’.
I don’t know which way is better, and I don’t know for sure why the management decided to use this no-name style.  Do you have any thoughts?
For now I think I am going to stick to my belief and communication skills training that says that a name is the most wonderful sound in the world to a person, and to be remembered by someone is flattering and the beginning of building rapport and a healthy relationship.  I always endeavor to remember names of folks in the service industry, especially at places I frequent.  I think I would hope for the same from others.  What do you think/prefer?

What You Can Do to Communicate with Comfort and Trustworthiness

Hello Fellow Communication Enthusiasts,

Today’s post is about what you can do to communicate with comfort and trustworthiness.

Many business leaders, politicians and public speakers need to get a clear message out to their audience to “trust me”, “follow me” and “believe me”.  Right now in Ontario, Canada we are in the middle of a race to elect the next (or same) Premier.  Will it be the current Liberal leader Dalton McGuinty, PC Tim Hudak or NDP Andrea Horwath?  I have been doing some interviews with media on body language analysis and public speaking techniques for the voters to pay attention to as they watch their would-be leaders on television.

Let’s look at the 3Vs of communicating with comfort and trustworthiness.
Verbally, you need to use words that engage, build rapport quickly, and establish trust.  Use these words/phrases like these:
Friends, …
Fellow (Ontarians, Canadians, Business leaders, etc.)…
We are all in this together…
We all want to avoid a (mistake, economic recession, higher taxes, etc.)
I want to assure you that…
I trust that…
You can trust that…
You can believe me when I say…
Believe me, I will…
Etc.

Vocally, your voice and speech need to be a lower tone/pitch, use medium speed with pauses before and after key words, phrases and points, and use medium volume with a clear voice.  You are going for a rhythm that is at times melodic or hypnotic but without putting people to sleep!  And you will match certain gestures with your stressed words.

Visually to establish rapport and trust, you need to be open and friendly (approachable) in your body language, use an engaging smile or even a laugh if appropriate, and not be wearing a ‘power suit’.  In this case we are attempting to create warmth and trust, not separation from the common group.  Your hands should gesture in open, symmetrical ways and predominantly be in front of the belly or up to the heart level.  Speaking ‘from the heart’ is great for our goals of rapport, comfort and trust.

Lastly, do not rock back and forth or side to side when speaking, and do not back up when making your points.  The audience will read this as a dis-connect between your words and non-verbal communication and it will be a problem.  Your base needs to be as solid as a rock, but your upper body of course gestures smoothly and appropriately with the chosen words.

I hope you use these 3V communication tips the next time you have to win an audience over.  If you are interested in learning more please check out more blog posts, and if you feel you would benefit from a personal assessment then contact me and we can set something up.

Enjoy your day and if you are in Ontario enjoy the upcoming election debate.  I know I will be watching the 3 leaders with a keen eye to see how they make us feel when they speak.

Jack Layton – A Confident Communicator Gone Too Soon

jack-layton1
As we all know by now in Canada and many parts of the world, our fearless leader of the Opposition, Jack Layton, has succumbed to a second battle with cancer. He was only 61.

Jack was a great communicator because he was able to handle himself in difficult discussions (as the 2011 Leadership Debate certainly highlighted) as well as add a soft touch, a human connection to those he spoke with. He could connect with anyone and make them feel important whether it was face-to-face, over the phone or through email. Those close to him commented often on this ability to shift from professional lecturer/debater to small-town folksy chit-chatter. As a matter of fun-fact, before the 2011 election he was voted the guy Canadians would most want to have a beer with, compared to the other 3 federal leaders he was running against, in an online survey. More noteworthy was his ability to be memorable to those he met, for example the security guards at the Ottawa parliament buildings. That was a key concept of effective communication that Jack understood and employed – the ability to be remembered. That is one of the ingredients to having what people call ‘charm’ and ‘charisma’.

Good bye Jack.  You will be missed.

For more information, please visit his page at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Layton

How Do You First Build Confidence So That You Can Speak With It?

I am going to answer that in a second but before we start I just want to give a quick shout-out to the Seneca College Corporate Communications graduating class of 2011, and thank them again for inviting me to be their guest speaker at last night’s ‘Body Talks’ event.  It was an honour to give a talk and demonstrate body language analysis and techniques for them.  We all had a lot of fun!

Okay, back to our main subject – how do you first build confidence so that you can speak with it?  Interesting question.

It is easy for me to tell you that you need to speak, move, act and think with confidence in order to be the confident communicator you want to be.  We can agree that confident people are challenged less, influence others more than often, and build up a network of allies quickly and seemingly effortlessly.  All good.

But one thing that might be missing is the actual transformation; how do we go from shy, unassuming regular person to outstanding, charismatic influential leader?

I’m not going to tell you it’s all in one book, but – I created an ebook that will certainly help.  It’s called “Communicating Confidence Inside & Out – How to Build Confidence, Be Assertive and Succeed!”  It is interactive so it makes you do assessments and quizzes, written and speaking exercises, and a bit of soul-searching as well.

If you follow the instructions of this book and do the homework, you will learn what is holding you back, how to deal with in internally first, and then how to project confidence outwards in your communications.  I guarantee it.

I hope you find the subject of confident communications as interesting and as essential to success as I do, and I look forward to your response.  I wouldn’t put my name on this if I didn’t believe in it.

Have a great day!

Coach Ric
P.S. You can also connect with me here:
Twitter:
http://twitter.com/CommCoach
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http://www.youtube.com/CommCoach73
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http://digg.com/commcoach

Be Non-Confrontational or Assertive?

There are times we must speak and tread softly, and I am a big believer in being non-confrontational most of the time. But what I find is that some people are so concerned with being non-confrontational that they lose their assertiveness. That is not so good for their self-esteem, or their relationships with co-workers, family and friends. Often times it invites others to treat you like a doormat. Please don’t get in the habit of avoiding all conflict just for the sake of ‘avoiding conflict’.  We sometimes need to be assertive, without actually being aggressive.  I have an ebook and a coaching program that can help you make the difference.  🙂

 

Recovering from a Bad First Impression

Have you ever met someone new at a dinner party, networking function, or a dating event, and they rubbed you the wrong way immediately?  Something they said or did, or they way they spoke or acted, just really turned you off?   Sure, we all have had that experience.
Now let me ask you, do you think the person was truly aware of their negative vibe at the time?  Probably not right?  They probably did not try to upset you on purpose, right?  So if you didn’t tell them afterwards of their bad first impression, then they may never know how they came off, and may even think they made a good impression with you!  They may be a bit confused the next time they see you as to why you are running in the opposite direction! 
My next question is – could this be you?  Is it possible that you accidentally gave an unintended negative first impression with a new co-worker, friend of a friend, or even on a date?  Sure it is.  Now what can be done?
Here are some quick steps to take to recover from a bad first impression, assuming you were made aware of it afterwards.
1 – Evaluate feedback rationally.  Who told you that your first impression was negative?  Was it the principle person, friend or observer?  Consider the source before you condemn yourself.  However if you trust the source, or it comes from the principles’ own mouth, then it is time to move to step two.
2 – Self-evaluate.  Ask yourself what impression were you trying to make, and what went wrong?  Was this a misunderstanding?  Do you do this same thing with other people as well?  Is it time you stopped making excuses for this annoying behaviour and accepted that it needs to be changed?  Write things down to be clear and focused.
3 – Contact.  Send an email or if you are brave enough, a call or face-to-face meeting with your accidental victim.  Acknowledge your specific flaw or quirk and explain that that is not normally how you act, or at least explain that there is more to you than just what they saw that evening, and you would like a second chance to show them the real you.  You are not apologizing for your personality, but you can let someone know that you are aware of your bad first impression, and want to show a more rounded personality instead of just what was revealed during the first meeting.  Most people can really appreciate the bravery and humbleness it takes to do this. 
4 – Modify.  Did you dominate the conversation last time?  Well, next time take a break, ask some questions and listen.  Were you so shy and quiet last time that the person thought you were bored or uninterested?  Then next time you need to be engaged, make lots of eye contact, use active listening skills, and show enthusiasm.  Did the last meeting sound like an interview to the person?  Okay, time to lighten up, stick to general topics for now, and give the person time to open up.  I am not suggesting you act completely the opposite, but try to modify yourself and take steps in the right direction to be more balanced.  This will improve your conversational dynamics.
5 – Try your best.  Continue to try to be aware of your own first impressions, and modify when appropriate.  But also accept the fact that not everyone will like you or get along with you, as there are different personalities out there.  The point is that people do not have to love you, but they should at least feel comfortable with you on a first meeting.
After doing a self-assessment, if you think you need to improve your “art of small talk and winning first impressions”, you may find my customized coaching program helpful.  🙂
Here’s to your confident communications! 

A Very Busy April Weekend!

Well first off I’d like to congratulate the newest royal married couple, Will and Kate. It was a fantastic wedding, and I wish you the best. As a Communication Coach, I hope that you continue to relate directly to your public, and don’t be afraid to be real in front of the camera, within reason of course!

Next, I have to send a big Good Luck to GSP (Georges St. Pierre), Mark Hominick, Jason MacDonald and the rest of the Canadian contingent who will be representing this great country on the mat and in the ring this Saturday at UFC 129. It is the first time the UFC has held an event in Toronto, and it was the biggest sell-out so far at 55 thousand seats. I’ll be watching and cheering them on. In the octagon, you cannot hide who you are. The truth will reveal itself. Buckle up.

Speaking of representing our great nation, who is going to win the Canadian federal election? May 2nd is the time to vote and support whichever party leader you believe will do the best job. Or, as some people have suggested, you can pick the one who does the least trash-talking and dirty ad campaigns. (That would be why Smilin’ Jack Layton has doubled his numbers in the last 2 weeks – people are sick and tired of the Liberal and Conservative dirty politics!)

I have to toot my own horn here for a second – it was a great honour to be asked to give my expert communication assessment of the federal leaders’ body language (and other non-verbal communications) after their Federal Leaders’ Debate held April 12th. I was interviewed by 1130 News in Vancouver, AM640 Toronto – The John Oakley Show as well as by host Stephen LeDrew on CP24 LeDrew Live TV show shortly after. I told everyone basically the same thing, which is that from a communication point of view, Mr. Harper had the best showing. He was calm, in control, did not get rattled when he was attacked, and he made symmetrical open hand/arm gestures stemming from his navel, which is an area called the ‘truth plane’. It’s a good place to keep your hands when you are trying to win trust.

Mr. Ignatieff used some poor hand gestures and was caught with his hand on his hip, but did use the ‘rule of 3’ well, which is when you use 3 words that are easy to remember. He repeated “jets, jails and corporate tax cuts” often enough that I still remember them! Problem is, if you overuse this technique, it sounds stale.

Mr. Layton used his smile well, in that he looked great deflecting the criticism with a smile and a joke. He has pretty good posture in general and leads with a strong voice. He was smoother that night that I expected, since Jack usually sounds choppy. He did a great job and I’m not surprised his ratings improved after the debate.

Mr. Duceppe has an obvious disadvantage in that English is his second language, but I can tell you that in any language you do not want to be caught reading your notes, which he was a couple of times. When he speaks fast and impromptu he does not sound as good as when he is prepared and calm.

These are just a few of the things that I noted during the debate. Unfortunately the video from the TV show and the audio from the two radio interviews are not available at this time. However here is a link to a short article from the Vancouver news station, should you be interested:
http://www.news1130.com/news/local/article/211782–harper-was-debate-winner-in-body-language-expert

Have a great weekend, and if you are Canadian, please vote May 2nd. The future is in our hands.

PS – if you or someone you know needs executive coaching, especially for media, public speaking or presentations, please pass along my website contact info. These days it is extremely important that managers and other executives representing the government or a company are clear and confident in their messages to the public, or to the shareholders.

YorkRegion Article: Newcomers learn accent reduction

I usually do not advertise my competitions’ websites and press releases, but this is a great article that helps explain why some people want/need accent reduction training, and also some of the benefits. I am available to help you modify your accent if you need to improve your speaking.  Just contact me to set up a free consultation.

Here is the article:

YorkRegion Article: Newcomers learn accent reduction