Category Archives: Interpersonal Communications

Interpersonal human communications

It Had To Be YOU!

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Question: What is most people’s favorite topic?

Answer:  Themselves!  Harvard Business School reports that “you” is
one of the top five selling words. Your listeners’ ears will perk up
when they hear you say the word “you” or “your” in your presentations
(this works in one-on-one conversations, too). In our workshops and
coaching sessions, we refer to this as the “You Factor.”
Increase your “You Factor” and you will increase your group’s attention
and retention of your ideas.

Here are a few examples of how it works:

Instead of saying: “This plan saves an estimated $10,000 each year.”
Say: “This plan saves you an estimated $10,000 each year.”

Instead of saying: “Forty percent of the population will contract heart disease.”
Say: “Forty percent of you and your loved ones will contract heart disease.”

Instead of saying: “This will significantly impact the bottom line.”
Say: “This will significantly impact your company’s bottom line.”

Instead of saying: The four areas I will discuss today are . . .”
Say: “The four areas you will learn about today are . . .”

Review your presentation notes and ask yourself: “Where can I add impact
and connect better with my audience by using the “You Factor”?
Remember… It had to be YOU!

Reprinted with permission from David Greenberg’s
Simply Speaking, Inc. 1-888-773-2512 or 404-518-7777
http://www.davidgreenberg.com

Speaking with Confidence (the 3V Way)

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Many people ask me how they can communicate with more confidence when they speak.  They ask if it is a matter of vocabulary choice, of speaking louder, or dressing in a new suit.  Today I would like to give some advice on that subject to you my readers.
First things first – understand that effective communication is not just about one aspect of communication.  It is not enough to just start using “power words” and expect everyone to bow down to your great communication skills, and give in to your new sales pitch.
My company name says it all:  3V Communications.  You need to evaluate how you are communicating verbally, vocally and visually.  Here are some techniques to use to help you speak confidently:
Verbal: 
Do so-called power words help?  Sure.  It is always a good idea to have a deep vocabulary so that you can chose the correct word to give your speech or conversation a concise meaning.  The key is to have a word or phrase that is presented simply, yet it is powerful.  Do not ramble on trying to impress someone with your vocabulary and your knowledge of business lingo.  Short and concise will produce a confident result.  Also use strong, more committed words like “yes”, “will”, “able to”, “100%” etc. and use superlatives as well.   For example:
“The United States is 100% committed to protecting its citizens from terrorists.”
“Toronto is the most multicultural city I have ever seen.”
“Cubans are the best salsa dancers in the world.”
Vocal:
Speak loud enough to be heard by everyone, without yelling.  Speak from your diaphragm, which is an old actors’ technique.  Speak to the person at the back of the room.  When you are speaking confidently you must speak at a medium pace that uses appropriate and dynamic stressing of your key words.  We should also add eye contact and body language gestures to match our stress and intonation.
Examples of important stressing:
“Our company wants to do business with you so let’s make a deal today.”
(Too plain and not enough feeling)
“Our company wants to do business with you so let’s make a deal today.” 
(Too much emphasis on you and your company’s desires.  Could come off as pushy.)
“Our company wants to do business with you so let’s make a deal today.”
(Much more rhythmic and dynamic when spoken with a firm but friendly voice, and is balanced as well.)
Visual:
Visual communication makes up the biggest chunk of our intended feeling and attitude that is conveyed.  To show confidence you must have great posture, use lots of eye contact, smile often (when appropriate), have hand gestures that are in sync with your verbal and vocal communications, and you must know how to dress for success.  You must understand first and foremost which clothes look and feel best for your body type (i.e. not too tight, not too baggy) and you need to be dressed appropriately for the occasion. 
If you are wearing an item of clothing that you have had for 5 or more years, think very carefully to yourself how others view it before you wear it again.  It is important to realize that some people out there, particularly in the business world, have a keen sense of modern fashion and will judge you based on that if they see you are wearing a splashy tie, baggy slacks, scuffed shoes, a shirt with a collar that is the wrong size, shoulder seams that rest on your biceps, etc. 
For women they also need to be aware of outdated fashion, wearing huge shoulder pads, wearing hair and make-up styles from the 1990s, heavy perfume, and once again not wearing body type-appropriate clothes. 
Since I am not a fashion expert I will simply tell you that there are a number of fashion websites, blogs, books and magazines available as well as image consultants, should you need one.  Most people don’t, fortunately, if they listen to their trendy spouse or friend. I myself have gone through a number of changes in my dress over the last few years, all for the better I assume, because I listened to my fiancée/wife.
If you are not sure how confidently you are coming across, maybe it is time to ask someone you trust to review your 3Vs and see if there is any way to speak and be seen with more confidence.  If you need me, just let me know.
All the best,

Transfer Worker from China gets Speaking Award

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Hello everyone,

I would like to share an email I received today from Grace, one of my private coaching clients here in Toronto.  (I have her permission to share this.)  Before I do I just want to give you a little background on her.  She has been transferred here from Shanghai, China, and works for a large financial institution.
In addition to working with me to improve her business English (which by the way is already really good) I coach Grace on interpersonal and professional communication skills.

Currently Grace is enrolled in a fun, dynamic Dale Carnegie course, which I fully support.  However, I had the opportunity and ability to take her DC training further, by adding to what she was learning and advising her on how to improve her public speaking.  (There are advantages to one-to-one training over large group workshops, right?) 

Here is the unedited email I received today:

Thanks a lot, Ric!

I can’t wait to share the great news with you that I won the
Breakthrough Award yesterday at my Carnegie’s class!

I did restructure my story as you suggested and applied the body
language you taught me. My classmates were very impressed and voted
me as the winner of the night. I think the credit goes to you.
Without your help and inspiration, I would never get there. Thanks
so much!!!

Grace

_____________________

No Grace, thank YOU for being a hard-worker and a brave public speaker in English as a second language.  It is not easy.  Keep up the good work in your DC class as well as in our coaching sessions!

Coach Ric

Building Confidence, Building Success

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In order to be a success in life you need confidence: that self-trust and self-assurance that guides you through your decisions. You can now remove the self-doubt and learn how to control negative thoughts that you have about yourself, and also deal with outside negativity. Nothing will ever hold you back again after you master your own self-esteem and raise your confidence levels!  Ask about the personal coaching program called Communicating Confidence Inside & Out:  How to Build Confidence, Be Assertive and Succeed!

If you prefer studying at home for almost no cost, then you could also check out the ebook on the same subject on our STORE page. It will help you understand, then build your personal and professional confidence from the comfort of your own home.  Take a peek!  🙂

Winning Body Language

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Hello my friends,

Recently I have had the pleasure of reading a new book on body language and presentation skills that I found most interesting and useful for improving my client’s professional communications.

Many leaders know the feeling of talking yet no one is listening! Often, it is not the actual words causing the audience to tune out, but the way the words are being communicated.

Last week I sat down over a coffee with the author, Mark Bowden, and we discussed the need for effective communication skills and specifically some of the main points in his book. Mark is a world-renowned body language expert and the creator of TruthPlane, a unique communication and presentation training used by Fortune 50 companies, CEOs and G8 Leaders. His new book Winning Body Language explains how we mainly rely on nonverbal communication to determine what we think someone else’s intentions are when they communicate to us.

Here are the top three techniques from Mark’s book on presenting body language that will help you make your intentions clear, and gain trust and attention when you speak.

#1
PUT YOUR BODY ON DISPLAY
When speaking, step away from the podium; when sitting at a meeting, pull your chair back from the table to display more of your body. Your audience’s instinctual “Reptilian” brain and emotional “limbic” brain need to see your body to make a decision about what your intentions and feeling may be towards them. The less information they see, the more they simply make those feelings and intentions up, and tend to default towards the negative. Simply speaking, being open indicates honestly and trust. Hiding parts of your body indicate deception and danger to the primitive brain.

#2
SPEAK FROM YOUR BELLY
Place your hands in the “TruthPlane”, the horizontal plane that extends 180 degrees out of your navel area, to display that you can be trusted. This is a very vulnerable area of your body so to bring an audiences’ unconscious attention to it makes them (and you!) feel like you are very confident. This is a simple technique that you can incorporate right now to enhance your meetings and presentations.

#3
GET THEM IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND
Show your palms open with nothing in your hands, to let others know that you mean no harm and are speaking for their benefit. This gesture is universally recognized across the world as “friendly”. So, when someone else is speaking keep your hands in the TruthPlane so that they understand you are open to what they are saying too.

For more information on Mark Bowden, TruthPlane and his new book Winning Body Language, I have attached his contact information below:

Mark Bowden
Web: http://www.truthplane.com
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/truthplane

Enjoy!!
– Coach Ric

How to Communicate Like a Good Manager

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Many people want to know how to be a good or a better manager, supervisor or team leader. This is hard to answer sometimes, as it may depend on culture, corporate culture, previous expectations and promises, and company as well as personal values.

The main point to remember is to show respect, calmness, and vision in all your communications. Bullies are not respected, even if they are feared. You must be firm but fair. At the same time ‘softies’ often are not listened to or given respect either. I recently had an email from an old Chinese friend (really nice sweet guy) who was asking for advice on how to manage foreign English teachers in China at his company. Apparently whenever they didn’t agree to some term of employment, they simply ‘played the foreigner card’ and claimed that they don’t have to do that because things are different in their own country. Smells like arrogance to me. The funny thing is, this nice guy who was asking me for help really wanted me to give him advice on understanding Westerner’s employment standards and practices.

That is a good thing to do, since he is managing them. However I reminded him that they are guests in China and are employees of his company, and that the main way to avoid some confusion is to have a clearly written ‘rules and conditions of employment’ contract which everyone must read and sign. That way both sides are clear on what is expected from the beginning. If the teachers find these rules too difficult then he should invite them to seek employment elsewhere! Of course rules can be bent and terms can be negotiated and re-written, but it cannot be done through bullying or ultimatum-giving, and that is what I wanted my friend to understand. He was being a push-over and they were taking advantage of his hospitality, as I understood. As a manager he needed to learn how to deal with facts (i.e. terms of employment as set out by the company) and be firm but fair in his dealings with his teachers.

Similar things happen all over the world. Here in multicultural Toronto, I come across stories all the time of people who are either being too strong or too shy. How many Russian immigrants have I told to “soften your language” and to “not be so direct”? Almost as many Chinese immigrants I have told to “be more confident in your speech” and to “not be so indirect”! Funny right? And that is just a small sample from my world of being a professional Communication Coach. Many more stories to tell…

Your Word is Your Bond

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It is not always easy or even possible to follow this axiom, but if you can, you will be greatly respected by others, and you will feel good about yourself.

Recently I used this phrase in a customer service email to my bank, when I was chastising a rep for not calling me back when he had promised. In retrospect I may have laid it on a little thick, or had too high of expectations, but I was truly disappointed that the rep broke his promise. I felt that he and his company should know that there are people out there like myself who hope and even expect people to do what they said they would, especially those who are in the service industry.

Here are some strategies for staying on track of keeping your word:

1. Don’t overestimate your ability to deliver. Know your limitations and do not feel you have to say ‘yes’ to everything and everyone. Don’t bite off more than you can chew.

2. Don’t promise anything. Get in the habit of not using that phrase. Replace it with “I’ll try”, “we’ll see what we can do”, or “I’ll do my best” if you feel you cannot commit.

3. Don’t mention things in advance – surprise people. Instead of promising the world or even boasting ahead of time, simply hold it in and create the necessary action to fulfill the desired outcome. Wouldn’t it be a nice surprise if you just ‘showed up’ and could dance well, or did your report or essay a week early, or cleaned the garage without announcing it, etc.? Think about how you can surprise people next time. Actions truly speak louder than words!

4. Record your promises. If you are going to dare to use the ‘p’ word, then by all means, stick to your oath. You have to keep your promises if you want to keep your friends and business clients. Write important dates and deadlines down. Keep a record, even if it is just a notepad and post-it notes. I don’t know how I survived before I had my iCal. I can quickly glance and see my promised schedule for the day, week, month and year. It really helps me stay on track.

I hope you can count on the word of those around you, because you have proven to them that they can count on your word. That is one of the best ways to ensure mutual trust and respect.

How to Negotiate without Compromising Everything

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Hello everyone,

How do you feel about this word ‘compromise’? Does it have a positive meaning for you, where you say to yourself “okay great, now we both (or all) will win. I love win-win situations”. Or does the word ‘compromise’ have a negative connotation to you, where you think “oh great, now I have to give up something I really want or something I worked hard for (or otherwise feel entitled to). That is not fair to me. Why can’t the laws of social Darwinism apply, and may the best negotiator win?”

The simple answer is this: When you win, you feel good. When you lose, you feel bad. Now if you have the chance to make another person either feel good or feel bad, what should you do? What is the moral thing to do? Their emotional wellness is in your hands. Be responsible.

You should not willingly cause someone pain, suffering and emotional damage if you can avoid it. That is why I am suggesting you try to preserve people’s dignity and feelings even when negotiating hard.

Notice that I did not say to roll over. It is still quite acceptable to negotiate hard, to use persuasion and influence tactics like NLP (neuro-linguistic programming), and to protect your interests. What I am specifically saying is to not use unfounded aggression, aggravation or bullying to get your way, whatever the cost.

What is the cost? It could be friendship, business contacts, neighbours, or more.

What can we do instead? Negotiate but do not insult. This is the difference between being assertive and aggressive. Assertive people stand up but stay calm. Aggressive people do not remain calm. They let their emotions overtake them, and the results are often painful. Go after what you want but with respect. Speak with respect and your opponent will have no choice but to respect you. Have a discussion, not an argument.

May the best person win – or may you both or all win!