Category Archives: Interpersonal Communications

Interpersonal human communications

Is Spelling Really Important?

Yes and No. Proper spelling is important for written reports, essays and school assignments, as well as any and all business documents (including emails). BUT proper spelling is not important for understanding words and meaning in the sentence.

Most people can read the sentences below and still understand the correct meaning (i.e. words) without much effort. Try it. I hope you are a clever one too! 😉

“I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig eh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!”

P.S. – as an English teacher, I strive for and demand proper spelling!

CHINESE GUY EATS SOOO LOUD!

Hello Everyone,

Isn’t it interesting when one makes fun of the stereotypes from one’s own culture?

This is Peter Chao, and although he is Chinese, he actually does not have such a strong accent as embellished in his videos.  He lives in Vancouver, BC and in this video he seems to be annoyed at a common scene found in most dim sum or other Chinese restaurants around the world.  Personally, I too get very annoyed by people who eat with their mouth open and talk while eating, so this video rings true for me.  By the way, I lived in China for 2 years teaching English before. I love the culture.
Enjoy the video!

Carrying Baggage? Let it go.

We talk about people having baggage, meaning that they have unresolved anger or other negative feelings for something that now affects their current situation. Baggage is simply unhealthy. Have a read:

YOU PUT THE DEVIL OUT, BUT DID YOU LET HIM LEAVE HIS BAGS?

You got out of a bad relationship because it was bad, but you are still resentful and angry (you let the devil leave his bags)

You got out of financial debt, but you still can’t control the desire to spend on frivolous things (you let the devil leave his bags)

You got out of a bad habit or addiction, but you still long to try it just one more time (you let the devil leave his bags)

You said, I forgive you, but you can’t seem to forget and have peace with that person (you let the devil leave his bags)

You told your unequally yoked mate that it was over, but you still continue to call (you let the devil leave his bags)

You got out of that horribly oppressive job, but you are still trying to sabotage the company after you’ve left (you let the devil leave his bags)

You cut off the affair with that married man/woman, but you still lust after him/her (you let the devil leave his bags)

You broke off your relationship with that hurtful, abusive person, but you are suspicious and distrusting of every new person you meet (you let the devil leave his bags)

You decided to let go of the past hurts from growing up in an unstable environment, yet you believe you are unworthy of love from others and you refuse to get attached to anyone (you let the devil leave his bags)

When you put the devil out, please make sure he takes his bags!

HAPPINESS KEEPS YOU SWEET,
TRIALS KEEP YOU STRONG, AND
SORROWS KEEP YOU HUMAN,
FAILURES KEEP YOU HUMBLE,
SUCCESS KEEPS YOU GLOWING,
BUT ONLY GOD KEEPS YOU GOING!

In The Remainder of 2010, Let the devil Take his bags with him!
Be Blessed, Healthy and Happy!

(Unknown author)

Confidently Asking for a Raise in Salary

Asking for a raise can be very uncomfortable, especially if you are a bit shy, new to the company or unsure of your value/worth. Let me give you some hints that have helped me along my career path, and even now during self-employment.

1 – know the industry standards. You have to know what a typical person in that role makes, so that you understand the value of the job. What is the fair market value?

2 – ask for more than you think you deserve. In other words, be confident in your negotiations and valuations.

3 – critically understand why you deserve a raise, or a high starting salary/wage. Think hard about what kind of great worker you are or will be, and convince yourself first that you are worth what you are asking for. Be prepared to verbalize it all, your soft skills and hard skills, with concrete, easy to understand (and remember) examples.

4 – When justifying your newly asked-for raise, do not explain why you need the money. Instead explain from the company’s point of view all the benefits you have brought them, or how you have made life easier/more profitable for them. This is a simple rule of persuasion and negotiation – make it about THEM, not YOU. Also keep in mind the formula E + P = P. Efficiency + Productivity = Profitability. So therefore you must make it clear to the person who is considering hiring you (as an employee or as a consultant/contractor) or who has already hired you (i.e. your manager) how you have made the company money by being efficient and productive. This is a simple formula to remember that you should keep in the back of your head when answering interview questions.

I remember an ex-girlfriend of mine who was so efficient and productive at her company that they threw money at her to keep her, giving her the first raise in less than 3 months. When she had to quit they tried to throw more money at her to stay. When she really had to leave, the company had to hire 3 people to replace her! Talk about making yourself indispensable!

I can also tell you a story about my first office job. I found out the industry standard, and when it came time to answering the question of how much money I wanted, I ‘overshot’ confidently. (I had a good interview though as I was well prepared).
The manager said she couldn’t start me off with that much, but gave me the highest starting salary allowed by the company, which was just a little less than what I had asked for. I was confident in my answer, but did not demand it, plus I backed it up with presumably good interview answers.

A couple months later the company hired a new girl for a similar position who was fully bilingual in French, which I was not. This is well known to be a competitive advantage. Do you know what? They started her off 3 grand a year LESS than me! Why? Because when the question came to her “what kind of salary do you expect?” she answered “well I’m just a new graduate, so whatever you can start me with is fine with me. I’m just happy to be working full-time.” That may not be a direct quote but you get the idea. The company will save money if you let them!

Now, as a self-employed coach & trainer, I ask for what I feel my time is worth, and 99% of the time get it without argument. I know what I’m worth, what my material is worth, what the results of coaching/training is worth to the individual or company, etc. I confidently quote people a price and they accept – but I back it up too!

Anyway enough money-talk for now. The point is you must know your worth, be able to ask for it or more, and be able to justify it both verbally and with your actions.

Now go get your money!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Hello wonderful readers,

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.

It is funny that this greeting is almost becoming extinct here in Toronto, as some people are concerned with offending others who do not celebrate Christmas. Instead we use phrases like “Happy Holidays” and “Seasons Greetings”. There is nothing wrong with these replacements, of course, but I would like to mention that the spirit behind the words is more important than the actual choice of words strung together. In this regard, the traditional phrase of “Merry Christmas” shouldn’t offend anyone – ideally.

I wish you all the best in 2010. 3V Communications continues to grow, and with that you can expect to see changes in our posts, ebooks, coaching programs, assessments, and workshops. Please stay tuned for notices of such exciting developments!

As always, if you have an idea of a topic you would like me to discuss in my posts, please just send me an email with your request. Please indicate that you want me to share it on the blog so that I know it is not a private request.

I feel like 2010 is going to be a great year. I hope I am right!

My sincerest thanks and appreciation.

Peace be with you and yours,

Coach Ric

Want a Raise? Look Better!

Interesting article today from Forbes. Discusses that as you gain weight or just not take care of yourself in general, your salary goes down too. This article specifically notes white women are subject to this type of discrimination.

If this is actually true, what can you do?

1 – attitude is everything. Be positive and energetic.

2 -Dress for success. Make sure you know which clothes highlight your body, and which colours and patterns to wear/not wear. If you don’t know, find an image consultant or trusted fashionable friend.

3 – Walk tall. Straighten up your posture, even when sitting.

4 – Talk tall. Don’t yell but speak with authority and in a loud clear voice.

5 – Smile. Smile smile smile! With that in mind, visit the dentist regularly.

6 – Read this article. Now.

Enjoy!

http://ca.finance.yahoo.com/personal-finance/article/forbes/1361/think-looks-dont-matter-think-again

Quick Interpersonal Communication Advice

Here is some advice that I often give to clients and friends (and to myself!), at different times. I hope you find them useful.

See people eye to eye.
Hear people with more than your ears.
Talk to people heart to heart.
Feel someone’s real message using empathy.
Listen To words and FOR meaning.
Deal with problems face to face, not back to back.
Do not fight to be right. It is not a win/lose competition.
Conflict is not necessarily a bad thing.
Body language is not an exact science, but a cluster of cues is often right.
Just because you CAN, doesn’t mean you SHOULD…

Enough for now.

Thank you!

Can You Laugh at Yourself?

The most confident people are able to laugh.
They laugh under stress, they laugh at jokes, even if they are not particularly funny (out of respect for the joke-teller – as long as they are not disrespectful jokes), they laugh at themselves when things go wrong or when ‘Murphy’s Law’ takes over their life for a moment, and they laugh at insults.
Do your best at work and in life, but don’t sweat the small stuff. And don’t let anyone put you in a bad mood just because they can’t control their own life, mood swings, anger issues, jealousy, workload…the list goes on. Help them if you can, but do not let others walk over you. No doormat here!

Laugh my friends. You don’t need stress and anger inside you. I leave you with one of my favourite odd-but-true quotes:

“When the vultures start circling, the thought of how silly they look will put things in a truer perspective.” – David Carradine

Positive Competitive Behaviour

“There are two types of competitive behavior. One is a sense of competition because you want to be at the top. You create obstacles and harm someone. That competition is negative. But there is a positive kind of competition, which benefits the individual, the competitors, and the economy. Let your competitors also grow, without any sense of harming them.”
— Oct. 11 2009 — Insight From the Dalai Lama

Improve Your Body Language Knowledge

As most of you know, I am a big fan of studying body language. It is a huge part of interpreting other people, as well as presenting the right ‘vibe’ to others. I love teaching what I know to my clients, and seeing it in action everyday. In fact, my company is named ‘3V Communications‘ because we interpret and relay information using the 3 Vs of communication – Verbal, Vocal & Visual. But what are the ratios?

Perhaps surprisingly to you, according to an old and very specific study, they are 7% verbal, 38% vocal and 55% visual. That means 93% of all communication is non-verbal, if those numbers are true. But even if the numbers are just ballpark figures,  what does that realistically mean? It means I can swear at you, but as long as I am smiling and my body language is relaxed and open, and my voice is not too loud, you will NOT get mad at me! You will know that I am just joking or messing around with you. That is just a small example of how important it is to understand and properly use body language.

Did you know that the singer Shakira was correct when she sang a song called “My Hips Don’t Lie?” I realize that she meant it more in terms of sexy dance moves, but in reality, where we point our feet and hips does say a lot of who and what we are interested in. If you and I are sitting in a meeting or a café, and my feet are continuously pointing towards the door, what does that say to you? It says I am ready or waiting to leave.

If I am talking to someone on a 45 degree angle, that means I am inviting others into the conversation. Therefore if I am square to the person, I want their full attention and would not appreciate being interrupted. You can see this kind of ‘footwork’ at networking events or social mixers.

I could go on and on, since I have put a large number of hours into this fascinating field of study, but for now I just want to let you know that you can study body language with me either in individual coaching sessions or in a team workshop environment, and you can choose to focus on a course just on body language or have it included into other communication training programs.  Give me a call or email and I will send you some more information.  🙂