Influence: Being Assertive Without Being a Jerk

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Every Monday morning I get Kevin Hogan’s excellent free newsletter delivered in my inbox. This expert on persuasion, communication, body language, wealth etc. has many books, ebooks, Cds, DVDs etc. I have a few of his books/programs and I enjoy reading his articles. His homepage currently has a great article “Influence: Being Assertive without Being a Jerk”. Here is a sample:

Assertion simply means, “Hey honey, let’s go see your movie tonight and mine tomorrow night” or vice versa… and it really makes little difference who gets to go “first” because you aren’t four-year-olds….you are 40 and have gray hair…or you will soon.

Aggression is, “Dammit, you never do what I want to do and we are going to my movie tonight missey/mister or I’m outta here.” See, assertiveness training while well-intended can easily become… war college …where you learn to hurt people you love.

Ugh….

All assertion is, is stating what results you’d like to have and the help to get them, while you give help to others on the results they want.

AND

Assert: to state with assurance, confidence, or force; state strongly or positively; affirm. Insist on having one’s opinions and rights recognized.

Aggressive: ready to attack or oppose; quarrelsome. (and that’s just the first part…it gets uglier…like attacking…and so forth.)

As you can see, there is a canyon sized difference. They are on two different planes of behavior.

…

Interesting right? Enjoy the articles from a real expert as I do. Click the link below to see what he has to offer on his free newsletter, and other products.
Get the latest in persuasion news! Weekly ezine from Kevin Hogan. Yours free when you click here.

Enjoy!

Be a Great Public Speaker – Top 10 Tips

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Public speaking should not scare you to death, but the truth is, it is the number one fear for many people. Personally, after watching the movie Jaws when I was a kid, I can’t think of anything worse than being chewed up by a shark! However, it is important to recognize than the anxiety caused when we have to speak in front of others can be overcome. Hiring a Communication Coach can help you deal with this properly, so you can enjoy your public speaking, whether for business or social functions. For now, here are a few golden tips that you should keep in mind.

1 – Expect nervousness every time, but don’t expect disaster. Expect success.

2 – Stick to what you know well, so you can ‘talk’ about it at length, with ease.

3 – Ask lots of questions of the event organizer ahead of time, to find out the size of the room, equipment, expected number of attendees, etc. Visit if possible.

4 – Talk to people in the audience before you speak. If you have a chance to meet some of them before the speaking date, or at least before your talk try to mingle a bit and find out what they expect. It is good to have a few allies in the audience, and it is great for you to know what they expect to hear.

5 – Reduce ‘separation anxiety’ by re-framing the speech as an ‘informative conversation’ within a group. Talk to them, not at them.

6 – Prepare point-form notes or cards and practice a lot with family, friends, etc. No sentences. The less you read the better. Add pictures to your notes.

7 – Remind yourself during to slowdown, pause, breathe, relax and smile. Actually write those words in the top right-hand corner of your notes on different pages.

8 – Research as much as you can ahead of time, so you can be THE up to date expert on the subject of what you are talking about. Anticipate questions and have good answers.

9 – Always relate directly to your audience. It is not about you, but them. Making your speech relevant to your audience and their world is key to their enjoyment and interest.

10 – What is the overall focus? Is it to inform, to entertain, to motivate, to shock your audience? Your whole speech needs to be centred around this vision.

BONUS # 11 – To become a good public speaker and presenter, you simply must do a lot of speeches or presentations, long or short, in your personal or professional life. Tips and techniques help, but there is no real shortcut.  Get out there and get heard!

Coach Ric

Hire an Immigrant

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Here is an excellent resource for immigrants who are job-hunting and also for companies, large or small, who want to take advantage of overseas training but are not quite familiar how to do it professionally. This website has excellent free training videos, with actors going over scenarios on the resume, interview and hiring process. The Canadian employees review and discuss the immigrant’s CV and communication skills. They show you two videos – the wrong way and the right way!

Anyway I thought that these videos were well done and the website has a lot more information on how human resources can successfully screen and hire immigrants. Enjoy!

http://www.hireimmigrants.ca/

Here is a ‘blurb’ from their own website that I have copied here, introducing their free online videos:

Cultural Competence Videos

These cultural competence videos are intended to increase your company’s capacity for recruiting, selecting and integrating skilled immigrants. There are currently videos on screening and interviewing, with more to come in the future. Each video contains several sub-topic chapters to highlight specific issues. The chapter shows a questionable episode, then preferred, followed by a few suggested discussion questions.

The videos have been posted online to support anyone with human resources responsibilities who would like to build on their own level of cultural competence and create an inclusive work environment. Organizations can also use the videos for internal training purposes.

For more go here: http://www.hireimmigrants.ca/tools/4

Coach Ric

Develop HR, Management and Entrepreneur Skills

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As a member of HRPA (Human Resources Professionals Association – http://www.hrpa.ca/hrpa )
I receive regular emails and mailings with information about new services, service providers and detailed Human Resource articles.

Here is something that looks interesting and apparently is free.

http://www.essentialskillsthatwork.com

I am not affiliated with them – I just thought I would pass on their website as it looks good.
Here is a little bit I have copied from their ‘About Us’ page:

The Essential Skills for the Changing Workplace Project

In January, 2008, the Centre for Education and Training received funding from HRSDC for a project called Essential Skills for the Changing Workplace. The project is designed to assist employers in small and mid-size organizations with the integration of Essential Skills into their workplace and human resources practices.

Free Seminars

To increase awareness and understanding of Essential Skills, the Centre is offering free 2-hour seminars for human resources managers, training managers, line managers, operations managers, supervisors, team leaders, coordinators with people management responsibilities and small business owners. During this interactive seminar, managers will gain a thorough understanding of the Essential Skills framework and a variety of Essential Skills tools to assist in:

conducting Essential Skills needs assessments
writing job descriptions that show how workers use Essential Skills on-the-job
integrating Essential Skills into hiring and selection processes
aligning performance goals with the employee’s use of Essential Skills
developing succession plans to ensure employees are ready for new roles as the need for new skills arises
promoting health and safety in the workplace
Free Consulting Services

Besides attending an informative seminar, participants will have access to an Essential Skills Workplace Consultant, free of charge, to guide them in determining their skill needs, identifying resources and local services that provide assessment and training and identifying Essential Skills tools to best suit their requirements.

If this looks interesting to you, please check them out, or pass it on to someone who might want to take advantage of free HR training. I might sign up for a free seminar myself!

Coach Ric

GG Ate Some Seal – So What??? Connect with Cultures

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There has been a lot of talk about Canadian Governor-General Michaelle Jean partaking of some seal’s heart on her trip to the North Inuit culture. Some people feel that she is great, for honoring the unique and important Inuit culture. Others think it is animal cruelty, or that this act is clearly not an accident, in that it was a political stunt to show solidarity with the Inuits and the rest of Canada in the face of the European Union ban on seal products recently.

I am not a politician, just a small-town Canadian man who has travelled a fair bit and who works with immigrants here in Toronto everyday. What do I think, dare you ask?

I say good for her. Whether it was political or not, she honored her guests with a very old tradition. To not partake of the meat would be offensive, unless you are a vegetarian.

When I lived in China for 2 years, I ate dog meat. More than once.

Will I do it again? Probably not. I love dogs and grew up with them as pets. But when in Rome, do as the Romans do. I had been ‘in-country’ for at least 6 months, and I lived in a really small community (Tongren city, Guizhou province). I tried my best to fit in. I spoke Chinese, ate their food and followed their customs where possible. In turn, they learned about Canada from me. I was an unofficial ambassador!

When I was in Thailand I ate a flash-fried cockroach to win a bet. I got a free ‘Leo’ beer!

When I was in Japan I ate horse sashimi. Yup. Raw horse! Even though I love Japanese food, I think that will be the last time I eat horse sashimi. Not my cup of tea. The point is, I try. I follow my hosts and I learn about the culture. As Canadians we expect our visitors and immigrants to do the same for us, so why not do the same for them, especially when the culture is right inside Canada!

Here is an article about our brave GG. http://www.vancouversun.com/Technology/Canada+Governor+General+criticized+eating+seal+heart/1633528/story.html

At the bottom there lists some other ‘politically-charged meals’ for others.
Bon Appetit!

How Do You Speak to Yourself?

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I know it is a rather odd question, but it is an important one. People like myself who study NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) understand that repeated words and phrases, no matter how innocent or simple they may be, may be interpreted by the brain as a command.

Yes, be careful what you say to yourself. Our self-talk conditions us subconsciously just like water torture. (No, I don’t mean water-boarding!) Water torture is when you let a drop of cold water hit a person’s forehead. After a few of these you may be thinking this is ineffective torture – it’s just water drops. But after a hundred, a thousand or more, it is like a spike being hammered into your skull! So is the result of a negative or self-defeating comment said to you by someone else or by yourself (self-talk) on a regular basis. For example, if you say these things: “I’m getting fat. Do you think I’m getting fat? I’m too fat.” Or if you hear “you look fat” etc. then what do you think will be the result? Your conscious brain will program yourself to believe you are heavier than you actually are and that everyone must think the same. Can you see how dangerous this is? We all fluctuate in actual weight and appearance of weight daily, depending on meals, water, mirrors, scales and choice of wardrobe. You are no different!

Prevent this negative programming. Stop yourself when the negative self talk comes about.  For help with this, check out other blog entries here (especially under the ‘confidence’ category) or take a look at my popular ebook (based on a popular coaching program!) called “Communicating Confidence Inside & Out – how to build confidence, be assertive and succeed!”

Dealing with Hot Topics & Current Affairs

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To be an effective communicator you have to be able to talk about current affairs and old, unsolvable contraversial debates (think abortion, death penalty, gun control, politics, religion etc.) without offending others, and at the same time without feeling that you have sold yourself out by not voicing your own opinions.

To add weight to your position I suggest you do some extra research on the topic – not just what the mainstream media is telling you. Get a wide range of information from across the spectrum – left wing and right wing – so that you are prepared to discuss the topic fully and are prepared for many counter-arguments ahead of time. Be open-minded, share information and learn. Do not argue and do not insist that others see your point to the point you are being a bully. Discuss and share, but at the end of the day they will absorb whatever they are willing and able to absorb on that day, just like you. Don’t push it, even if you think you are 99% right. It’s not about winning – it’s about respecting others and sharing info.  No one wins a heated argument anyway, right?  🙂 Hold yourself to a higher standard of intellectual as well as passionate conversation and you will be seen in a better light.

 

What is ‘ConfidenceWorld’?

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A very famous Life Coach & Business Coach out of the U.K. named Sean McPheat, who was a very big influence on my coaching career when I first started out, has a new website simply called “ConfidenceWorld”. Here you can sign up (no charge) and gain access to 30 articles, newsletters, a 120-page ebook, reports, a 7-part e-course, 4 audio downloads and great tips on building and maintaining confidence in your personal and professional life. There is a lot that he gives away for fr*ee, and at the same time, like any successful entrepreneur, he also lets you know that he has a Gold Membership, if you are interested, for a small one-time payment of 39 bucks only. The Gold membership has a lot to offer for sure, but like any smart shopper you probably want to get the f*ree stuff first and take advantage of the wealth of inspiring and confidence-building information. I did!  You can see that he is straight forward, clear and motivating – three good reasons why I have benefited immensely from his help over the years in developing my coaching style and practice, not to mention my ebooks. Thanks Sean!

Okay, right now, ask yourself how confident you are on a scale of 1-10, and if the answer is lower than an 8.5, you can benefit from this world of confidence that Sean provides. Check it out and enjoy his excellent articles, ecourse and so much more.  Just CLICK HERE.

If you need me for confidence and/or communication skills building, you know i offer coaching and training right?  just let me know!

So, what are the qualities of a good speaker?

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Here are a list of the qualities and characteristics of a good public speaker/presenter.

Make sure you include these points when you have to speak in public.

1. They talk to us as though we are having a conversation
2. They speak our language
3. They look as though they are enjoying themselves.
4. They inspire us to find out more about the subject
5. They tell stories/use the human-interest angle
6. Someone who conjures up pictures in our mind
7. They don’t talk for hours
8. They let us know where we are going
9. They look at us – not their notes
10. They stress important points and pause to allow ideas to sink in
11. The talk appears well prepared but has an air of spontaneity

By Sean McPheat – included in his ‘ConfidenceWorld’ program.