When NOT to fight

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A couple of weeks ago I was out with a friend for a couple of beers, and on the way home decided to go to the local liquor store and pick up some supplies. It wasn’t that late, but as I came out of the store I was confronted by a person; a beggar, panhandler, bum, scam-man, etc. whatever you want to call him. (Forgive me if I sound unsympathetic – actually I donate annually to help the homeless. But what I don’t do is give money to a person directly who perhaps wants to buy drugs or alcohol with my hard-earned money instead of much-needed food.  I can’t take the chance.)

Anyway he was polite and I was polite and I told him I have no spare change (what is ‘spare change’ in today’s world, really? Is there such a thing?) He followed me up to the corner and began cat-calling a couple young ladies and getting in their face. I tried to ignore him but unfortunately it was not possible. A few seconds later, while we were waiting for the light to change, he was bothering the girls and so I said something to distract his attention. He turns on me and rambles incoherently something about ’14 years’ and ‘kung fu’ and then proceeds to ‘kick’ me in the tummy! It barely made contact with my thick winter jacket, and it was slow and clumsy, due to his impairment. I had a bag over my shoulder and a heavy bag of new booze in my right hand and so I simply told him (in a stern way but with a smile) “Don’t kick me! Or else I’ll kick you back and you won’t like that!”

My smile let him know that I was non-aggressive but my tone and eye-contact let him know that I was not a push-over or a punching bag. At first he was a bit stunned, but then backed off. The light changed and I headed towards the subway. He followed and apparently not finished yet he called at me saying “I’m right behind you ya know!” so I stopped, took my left hand out of my jacket (I’m left-handed) and stepped up to him with a smile and said “yes I know…” and we talked. Once again it was incoherent (I suspect drugs) but still I let him know that I was not his enemy and that I was just walking towards the subway, and that we were ‘just talking’ with no malice. He seemed to accept that and we shook hands (funny how a few minutes ago he sort of kicked me!) and walked to the station. He went off to harass others and I went home with a smile on my face.

Summary: I was not angry, upset nor had any type of adrenaline rush. I was happy that no violence had occurred, even though some might say I had a right to ‘defend myself’ or put him in his place. I certainly had witnesses to the fact that he struck first. But I didn’t. Why?

I have studied martial arts for 20 years, including stuff like kung fu, muay thai boxing, Brazilian jiu jitsu etc. and I know I can handle myself. I have no desire to hurt anyone. I have confidence to talk to people, even if they are aggressive or assaulting, and I do not have a knee-jerk reaction to strike back. For that I am thankful. I know I can handle myself if I have to, even though I’m not in shape like I used to be, but I also know that good posture, a stern but pleasant voice and solid eye contact can diffuse most conflicts before they get out of hand, or even get started. Also, we have to have a sense of humour in life, right? If not that then at least a sense of empathy or sympathy.

What can you take away from my story? To practice not over-reacting, and to work on your ‘stern voice but smiling face’ presentation when faced with aggression. There are really very few true times when you absolutely NEED to fight, verbally or physically.

Thank you for reading my story.

Comparing Communication and English Conversations Skills

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What are the English Language Conversation Skills?

English Language Conversation Skills include language abilities, conversation skills, social skills, culture knowledge and non-verbal communication skills.

Non-verbal communication skills are classified as posture, body movements, gestures, facial expressions, proximity and eye contact.

In English speaking countries the non-verbal messages can represent from 50-93% of the meaning.

Social skills and culture knowledge can be generalized as “what to say, when to say it, where and why to say it, and most important how to say it”.

When learning English Language Conversation Skills ESL students must learn: language abilities, conversation skills, social skills, culture knowledge and non-verbal communication skills. ESL Students need everything if they actually want to converse with native English speakers.

ESL Students can not just learn English vocabulary or English pronunciation as it represents less than 50% of most conversations.

What are some of the Professional Communication Skills?

The ability to add charisma to your speaking and interpersonal communications.

The ability to create initial rapport even on first phone calls or meetings.

The ability to build rapport easily in meetings, networking functions, or conversations.

The ability to use specialized industry or business English using industry-specific vocabulary for accuracy.

The ability to emote the appropriate emotion at the correct level.

The ability to create and deliver persuasive and dynamic presentations and speeches.

The ability to display confident leadership and competent management or knowledge.

Other specialized skills include customer service, handling complaints, conflict management.

There are many similarities between conversation and communication skills. Both are very important. One could generalize that communication skills add extra dimensions to conversation skills. One example: Conversations can transmit information where communication skills can transmit trust.
(original post by Ross McBride – ESL in Canada. Reprinted with permission)

I really didn’t need to know that, sir

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Hello,

This is the Globe and Mail article from today, Monday February 23 2009, in which I was interviewed, along with other experts, on the issue of over-sharing personal information at work. If this topic is relevant to you and your office cohorts, please follow the link by clicking here:

http://sympatico.globeandmail.com/servlet/RTGAMArticleHTMLTemplate?tf=tgamv3/realtime/fullstory_print.html&cf=tgamv3/realtime/config-neutral&articleDate=20090223&slug=wlinfo23&date=20090223&archive=RTGAM&site=Front&configLabel=front&hub=Front

Thanks,

Idioms from Snow

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Well it is the season for this topic, at least here in Canada and the northern U.S.
(I have modified these from http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/snow)

To be (as) pure as the driven snow:

Pure and chaste (Often used ironically.)
E.g. Jill: Sue must have gone to bed with every man in town. Jane: And I always thought she was as pure as the driven snow!

A snow bunny:
1. Someone learning to ski.
E.g. This little slope is for snow bunnies. They call it the ‘bunny hill’.
2. A young, attractive female at a skiing lodge.
E.g. Some cute little snow bunny came over and sat beside me. This place is swarming with snow bunnies that have never even seen a ski.

Snowed in:
Trapped (somewhere) because of too much snow, most likely due to a recent snow storm.
E.g. The snow was so deep that we were snowed in for three days. Luckily we had enough food to last us a while.

Snowed under:
Overworked; exceptionally busy.
E.g. Look, I’m really snowed under at the moment. Can this wait?

A snow job:

An attempt to persuade or deceive someone by praising them or not telling the truth.
E.g. Dane will need to do a snow job on his Dad if he’s ever going to borrow the car again, after getting into so many fender-benders (minor car accidents).

Enjoy and stay warm!

Are You Over-Sharing Personal Info at Work?

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Today I was asked to give an interview for Sarah Boesveld, a newspaper reporter with The Globe and Mail’s Life section. She wanted to write an article about over-sharing in the workplace – that is, people offering a little bit too much personal information and how that can affect working performance and working relationships. Great topic!

That article comes out most likely this Monday the 23rd and I’ll post a link to the online article then.

UPDATE FYI – I am a contributor of articles on the Entrepreneur-focused site Evan Carmichael.  Here is the link to that article on the same topic – 7 negative results of oversharing personal info at work:

http://www.evancarmichael.com/Business-Coach/2493/7-Negative-Results-of-OverSharing-Personal-Info-at-Work.html

How Do We Build Confidence?

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This is no simple question.

Our confidence is greatly affected by our memories, values, previous decisions and environment. I always tell people that competence is the flip-side of confidence. When you get good at (doing) something, your confidence rises. And likewise when you get more confident at something, you perform better, which raises your competence at that task. So it is like the old riddle – “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” The answer is it doesn’t matter, as long as you have both a chicken and an egg, as they are interlinked and there could not be one without the other.  So it is with confidence and competence.

Lesson for today: build your competence in your targeted task, job or hobby in small steps to gain more self-trust and positive feedback from others, so that your confidence rises up a few notches. That will in turn show on your face and in your voice and body language, starting off a very positive ripple-effect. After a while of small successes you can look back at your journey and see the great accomplishments, and feel the stronger confidence gained from your personal goal-achievements.

Now go climb a small mountain! (figuratively, of course!)

Ric on TV Tonight (videos)

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Hello –  just two quick announcements:

ONE – If you have not yet seen it, my January 1st 2009 CBC News TV interview is up right now, where I discuss the G.R.O.W. coaching method. Just go to my Youtube channel video here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_CW3Zu0DLk

TWO – For those interested, and who can get the channel (I am not sure how far this broadcast will reach) I will be on a T.V. episode tonight of the W-Network TV show “Save Us From Our House!”, which is on at 9:30pm. For those in Toronto the channel is 27. I have not seen this episode yet, so we will be watching it together for the first time. It is only a half-hour show, and I am not the main host, so my time may be only a minute or so, but that is fine with me. I enjoyed helping the family shop in a peaceful manner and avoid all the conflict that they are so used to having in their daily communications.
Thank you for your support!

UPDATE:  Here is the video or the direct Youtube link to the 2-minute segment I’m on from that TV show:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYsXFywfFbQ

To Sing or Not to Sing O Canada at School

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Hi folks,

This is a great cultural question: Should this country’s national anthem, O Canada, be sung each morning at school, or just once in a while at school ceremonies? Here is an article:

N.B. parents force school to reinstate O Canada, call for others to follow

By Michael Tutton, The Canadian Press

Susan Boyd wants O Canada to be mandatory at the start of the day in elementary schools across the country after she successfully fought for the anthem’s return at her daughter’s tiny school in New Brunswick.

Belleisle Elementary in Springfield, about 40 kilometres northeast of Saint John, played the national anthem Monday morning.

“It’s one step forward, but our job isn’t done yet,” Boyd said in a telephone interview.

“We have to continue and have it legislated that it’s mandatory. Otherwise it could be overturned in another few weeks or even a year or two from now if it’s not written in stone.”

School principal Erik Millett incurred Boyd’s wrath and a torrent of angry calls and emails in recent weeks after a group of parents complained that O Canada wasn’t being played before classes.

Millett, who couldn’t be reached for comment Monday, moved the anthem to monthly assemblies in September 2007, saying it was a more “inclusive” option.

The principal has told the New Brunswick Telegraph-Journal that using the anthem at the monthly assemblies would give it “more prominence, more importance.”

Before his decision, one child had been sitting outside class when the anthem was played at the request of the child’s parents, and for reasons that haven’t been publicly released.

A school board spokesman said the child’s situation played a role in Millett’s decision to drop the anthem.

When Boyd’s daughter told her recently that she was forgetting the words to O Canada, the 43-year-old mother of two started a campaign to bring it back.
(to read the rest of this article, please visit this link:
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/090202/national/no_o_canada )

Who Cares That GSP Has an Accent?

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Hey everyone,

I know this post is not really communication-related, except if you consider that GSP (Georges St.-Pierre) has a thick French-Canadian accent, but I just HAD to write a quick WOO-HOO and congratulations to our home-grown UFC champion (MMA – Mixed Martial Arts) Georges “Rush’ St.-Pierre on defending his title against BJ ‘the Prodigy’ Penn, from Hawaii. BJ is a great fighter, but I am relieved that GSP won and proud that he did it in such a convincing way. When you are THAT good, no one CARES that you have an accent!!!

Don’t ever let an accent slow you down or convince you that you can’t follow your dreams and ambitions. Ever!

Ric on CBC TV – Jan 01 09 Video Now Up

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Hello,

I hate to so shamelessly promote myself, but I want to provide more credibility to some folks who don’t know me and who want to make sure that I can ‘walk the walk and talk the talk’ when it comes to communication skills.

So if you are interested in seeing the latest TV appearance, I’ve uploaded the January 1st 2009 live interview of me on CBC TV discussing how to apply the coaching G.R.O.W. model to your New Years resolutions and monthly goals.

(Or follow this direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_CW3Zu0DLk )

Thank you!