Try these Tongue-twisters

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Tongue twisters are a great way to practice not only correct pronunciation, but delivery as well. I want you to first read these sentences slowly and with care to pronounce them correctly. Then read them a second time at medium ‘normal’ delivery speed. Finally, read them as fast as you can, trying to maintain clarity of speech. A friend can help you judge your clarity of words and appropriate speed.
Enjoy and Merry Christmas to you all, and happy holidays!!!

A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
(note: ‘thunk’ is a purposeful mispronunciation or slang of ‘thought’.)

Red lorry, yellow lorry, red lorry, yellow lorry.

Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.

Ruby Rugby’s brother bought and brought her back some rubber baby-buggy bumpers.

Which witch wished which wicked wish?

Silly Sally swiftly shooed seven silly sheep. The seven silly sheep Silly Sally shooed shilly-shallied south. These sheep shouldn’t sleep in a shack; sheep should sleep in a shed.

Twelve twins twirled twelve twigs. Three twigs twined tightly.

Crisp crusts crackle crunchily.

Don’t pamper damp scamp tramps that camp under ramp lamps.

There are six shimmering sharks sharply striking shins.

Strict strong stringy Steven Stretch slickly snared six sickly silky snakes.

Just think, that sphinx has a sphincter that stinks!

They both, though, have thirty-three thick thimbles to thaw.

Cows graze in groves on grass which grows in grooves in groves.

Brisk brave brigadiers brandished broad bright blades, blunderbusses, and bludgeons — balancing them badly.

They have left the thrift shop, and lost both their theatre tickets and the
volume of valuable licenses and coupons for free theatrical frills and thrills.

Fun right? Keep going!

Control Your Attitude to Improve Your Communications

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Hello everyone,

Tis the season to be holly, jolly and happy, but unfortunately a few people out there have not received the message.

Yesterday I saw two guys almost get in a fist fight on the subway platform, until an undercover cop broke them up. The day before, during a big snow storm, I heard one driver yell to another to “watch out, or I will push you into the ditch!”  Even though I was not directly involved in either of these cases, I was still struck with a reaction. Actually my reaction was immediately to shake my head and wonder why people would risk hurting themselves or innocent by-standers over something as trivial as their own ego and misplaced sense of competitiveness.

Let me expand my thought process to you on this.

Do I have a healthy ego and strong sense of self? Yes, for sure. I am reasonably confident and assume I can hold my own in any situation. Do I get annoyed or offended if someone does some kind of perceived injustice to me? Yeah, sort of, but not really.

“What kind of strange answer is that?” I hear you scream. It is my reaction to competitive behaviour when I am not involved in a game or sport.

Winter storm driving is not a sport. Shopping is not a sport. Getting in line or queue for the subway train is not a sport. I think you get my point. Competition is for sports and games with rules to follow, to determine a winner. None of the above activities should apply.

I have built up a ‘filter’ so that when something happens to me or around me 99% of the time I do not over-react with emotion and ego, or with a competitive spirit. I do not see it as a contest of wills, of right and wrong, of winning and losing. I instead try my best to empathize with the other person or people, and I give them permission to be a flawed human, just like me. Through empathy I try to connect with them and calmly work at resolving the issue, one way or another.

Empathy is the key to communication. We must try to listen, read body language and see the issue from the other person’s perspective. We do not need to fight, or run away, or apologize, or get riled up with defensiveness. We instead should practice self-control and empathy first.

I know some of you understand exactly what I am saying, and I also know some of you are wondering what happy-pill I just took. 🙂   The truth is (to me anyway) that attitude, self-confidence, self-control, conflict management skills and empathy are huge parts of better communication, and that is why we need to incorporate them. When we get emotional and defensive in attitude, we cannot think as clearly as when we maintain our composure, relate to the key emotions first, then problem solve the situation to a satisfactory resolution.

On a personal note I would like to share something with you. Over 20 years of study and practice in martial arts here in Canada and abroad in Asia have taught me two important things. One: I assume I can fight, and I will always hope to be able to hold my own.  Two: I hate to fight, and will do everything I can to avoid it.

Just because I can do something, does not mean that I should do that thing.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you, wherever you are. Enjoy your family time and control your positive attitude, no matter what happens to you or around you.

That will serve you as a gift that keeps on giving, throughout your life, and also for the others around you.

All the best,

Ric

Body Language and Eye Reading Article

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Hello,

There is a pretty good article on Body Language and specifically Eye Reading on Kevin Hogan’s weekly newsletter here:

Go to Get the latest in persuasion news! Weekly ezine from Kevin Hogan. Yours free when you click here.

That is his homepage. On the upper left corner you will see his latest weekly articles. The bottom one is what you want to click to, the one called “Body Language: Language of the eyes.” These articles are changed every week, before Monday morning, so if you are interested in Body language, please get to this article soon, before it is taken down.

It is from a guest writer who uses English as a second language, FYI.

Anyway it is an interesting read. Enjoy!

Surviving the Work Christmas Party

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‘Tis the season to be invited to Christmas (or ‘holiday’ or ‘festive season’, etc.) parties sponsored by your place of employment. At first it sounds like a great idea: take a day or half-day off work, mingle with friends and co-workers, eat free food and drink free booze. What a great way to get into the spirit of the season and to start saying good bye to 2008 and looking forward to 2009. So what could be wrong with this picture?

At first, I personally did not see a problem with in-house celebrations. It seems to build team spirit and gives employees and managers a chance to see each other in a more relaxed atmosphere, even presenting opportunities to get to know each other on a more personal level. And herein lies the problem.

I remember way back in 1997 I was working in an office in Mississauga, Ontario and I was one of the youngest employees there at the time. I was excited to be making a salary instead of a wage, and I was enjoying my job for the most part. I remember one woman named Michelle who I had developed a friendship for and more to the point, a lot of respect for. We were discussing the topic of Christmas parties (and any work-related social gathering for that matter) and she staunchly stated that she would never attend a work party. I asked why, naturally. She said that you go to a function on a Friday or Saturday, and by Monday morning, the atmosphere at work is suddenly different, because of some people’s (mis-)behaviours. Tension is in the air, eyes are darting around, whispers are heard and rumours are milling around the water-cooler. This is what Michelle did not like, and that is why she refused to attend work functions specifically where alcohol was to be served.

So what do you think of Michelle’s personal rule? Is it a smart rule or is it too strict?

I will let you decide. I can tell you that I was a big fan of free food and drinks, and before she gave me her advice I was not thinking ahead to the next work week. After I listened to her advice I decided that yes I would attend such functions, but I would be wary of my behaviour and monitor how much and how quickly I drank, if at all. Here are a few common-sense tips to controlling your behaviour at a work party:

1 – Eat a decent meal before attending. This is to avoid pigging out while you are there and also to avoid drinking on an empty stomach. Displaying a voracious appetite is not professional, nor is getting loopy on one drink. It will then be a long night for you, or worse, a very short one.

2 – If you decide to drink, pace yourself. Make a rule that you will have one drink per hour and actually take note of the time when you start and end your drinks.

3- Sip, do not guzzle. Some drinks just go down too fast and smoothly, don’t they? But this is not a family summer BBQ, this is a work function and you will be judged Monday on how you carry yourself here and by what you say. Try sipping on a light beer, or a cocktail that is not so appealing to you, like a scotch on the rocks or a martini. This will force you to sip on it with more control. This also allows you to constantly have a drink in front of you so you are not pressured to get another. The ‘empty-hand’ syndrome causes us to feel out of place and so we often rush to get a replacement beverage. This can accidentally cause over-drinking.

4 – Be confident in your choices. If someone challenges you on how many drinks you have had or something similar, I hope you can simply smile and tell the person the truth, or disengage from the conversation politely. A confident person has no need to feel bad about limiting his or her drinking in public. A confident communicator is aware of image management rules and is determined to have a happy Monday with no scandals created on their part.

5 – Lie if you want to avoid peer pressure. Sometimes a ‘white lie’ is useful as a communication tactic. It is the art of mis-direction. You can claim your 0.5 beer is a ‘real beer’. You can brag that your cranberry juice is really a Cape Cod (vodka and cranberry). Ask the bartender to give you a lime garnish even when your drink has no alcohol. Looks can be deceiving. Or better yet, claim that your second drink is really your third or fourth. Please note that this is a tactic to use when you do not want to get caught up in the ‘competitive’ side of drinking that sometimes takes place, or if you are somehow feeling out of place for not drinking with colleagues, and you just want to fit in at the moment. This rule is not as good as the above rule number four, but in a pinch, it can get you out of a competition that you do not want to enter.

6 – Be a leader not a follower. Stick to your decisions and manage your image. Do not get caught following the crowd or using the mob mentality as an excuse to do something out of character. Also, if you see a co-worker or friend stepping out of their shell a little too much, take them aside discreetly and give them some friendly advice. Let them know that you care about them and are concerned about their behaviour. Speak to them as a mentor, not as a parent.

7 – Manage people as well as yourself. It is great to manage yourself but you also have the ability and perhaps even the responsibility to manage others. For example, if a person comes up to you and starts flirting, and you are not comfortable with it, you could ‘play dumb’ and pretend that you think it is all a big joke. Smile, laugh and walk away. There is not always a need to make a big scene at the time. Some incidents can be stopped easily before they get out of hand by using this technique. In other words, you do not embarrass the other person and then on Monday you do not have the thick tension in the air, and do not have to have a formal meeting with managers, etc. We have all said something or done something bold when we have been nervous or intoxicated. We are all human. Sometimes keeping their dignity in tact is a great gift that you can bestow upon them. After all, is this not the season for gift-giving?

There are other rules and tips of etiquette that we could go over but for now I think that is enough to get you thinking of how you will manage yourself if and when you attend your holiday parties. There are benefits to attending if you play your cards right. A lot of business is done informally, or ‘on the golf course’ as we say. However if you damage your image in the eyes of management then you will lose credibility and will not be considered so quickly for promotions. You may even lose your job, if not formally, then by virtue of feeling embarrassed by your actions that you search for new employment.

I hope none of that happens to you. I wish you all the best for December and prosperity in 2009.

Thank you.

Greedy or Smart Business?

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Hi,

Like you I am paying attention to certain people’s blogs and newsletters. One of my favourite internet marketers is Perry Marshall. His newsletters give away a ton of free advice. I cannot afford any more of his services at this point, but I enjoy the articles. A lot of my business is done through the internet, so you can see why I appreciate his advice.

Here is an interesting communication issue. Perry gave a seminar and afterward people in the group asked to set up a lunch date with him, and he responded with a “sure, as long as you pay my $725/hour fee!”.

A man named Dennis (with poor spelling) emailed him to tell him he thought that was greedy and not a very business-like response.

Perry wrote a response and published both on his blog.
Now a zillion people have commented on the letter/response, offering their own opinion.

I think this letter/response is worth reading, especially if you are a coach, consultant, entrepreneur, sales rep, or just interested in this ethical question.

I will let you make up your own mind ethically. My short response to this is that it is not WHAT you say but HOW you say it. My old boss used to tell me that I could deliver the worst of news but that no one would be offended because of the way I smiled and delivered the news softly and sometimes with humour.

Perhaps a little tact in delivering his message would have saved Perry a lot of time with this, but on the other hand, perhaps the publicity is good. Look at what it has caused me to do – post it here!! (Man that Perry is clever – I love him!)

Here is the post to his blog where the letter/response can be read.

http://www.perrymarshall.com/perrys-greed/

Enjoy.

PS I am not affiliated with Perry. I am just a fan.

Communication Workshop NOV 22 for Immigrants

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BRASI Presents:

BrasiMPACT: Communication Skills Refinement; Impact & Influence
Focusing on quickly building interpersonal communication skills and public speaking improvement, with a segment on accent reduction. Geared towards professional immigrants who need to deal with clients, suppliers, managers etc. Ric Phillips, Communication Coach, will provide the small-group training.

Saturday, November 22 2008 9am-3pm
North York Memorial Hall (Gold Room B)
5110 Yonge Street
Concourse Level
Toronto, ON M2N 5V7

Contact Aftab Khan
416.388.8556
info @ brasi.org
http://www.brasi.org/english.php

Register NOW for only $185.00!!! No time to wait!

The Complexity and Power of Words

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The interesting thing about words is that they have different meanings to different people, even when using the same language, due to the way we process, filter and finally understand information. What does a word mean to you? Does it mean the exact same thing to every member of your family, community, country or language group? You see, words have two meanings; denotation and connotation. Denotation is the literal meaning or dictionary meaning of a word. Connotation is the emotional impact a word may have on you. We will talk about denotation first.

If a person does not know what a word means, they can ask a trusted source or simply look it up online or in a resource book, like a standard dictionary. It is very difficult to argue against the denotation of a word, as the meaning is supposed to be standard. Having said that, we must be aware of cultural differences and idiomatic use of words, depending on the region where the word is used. In other words, Spanish is different in the many Spanish-speaking countries, just as English is different in the English-speaking countries, and so goes the rule for many other languages as well. Denotation just got more complicated! Have no fear, because a good dictionary will indicate the many uses of a single word, and often tell you if it is a regional expression or interpretation. For example, the word ‘lift’ in British English is used as a noun where North Americans would say ‘elevator’, but at the same time, both British and North American English speakers use the verb form of the word lift in the same way: to raise up something, perhaps carry. As most of you know, there are many differences between British and N. American English, and it can be fun and practical to learn them.

Now that we have sorted out denotation, let’s talk about connotation. As stated previously, this is the emotional impact a word has on you. It can be positive, negative or neutral. Here is an example: In British English the word ‘scheme’ is typically neutral, and is used like we North Americans use the word ‘plan’. For example, B.A.’s “Frequent Flights Scheme”. But in North American English, the word ‘scheme’ typically has a negative connotation to it, and is often used to talk about evil plans of villains or the ideas of a bank robber or other criminal, etc. That is why we would use a different phrase, like “Air Miles Reward Plan” instead.

Finally, the connotation of a word can be very personal, not just cultural. For example, in my mind, the word ‘puppy’ is positive, the word ‘death’ is negative and the word ‘pen’ is neutral. Those emotional feelings are based on my childhood, my culture, my language, my life experience up to this point, and other parts of knowledge I may have about those words. However, another person may feel that ‘puppy’ is a negative word, if they feel puppies are dirty, destructive and always biting people, or simply neutral if they do not care for dogs or pets in general. A person may feel that ‘death’ is a positive word if they are ready to die and are looking forward to the afterlife. Another person may feel neutral about the word death, as it is just part of the life cycle. And finally, the word pen which is neutral to me could be positively charged to someone who loves writing poetry or an author who earns money by writing, or it could be negatively charged by someone who was once stabbed with a pen! (Truly mightier than the sword!)  🙂

Words are complex and powerful, and carry different meanings and feelings to different people. Choose your words carefully.

Foreign Accent Syndrome?

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Hello,

I saw this news clip today online, and was so amazed by it, I thought I would pass it on to you. It’s about people who suffer some sort of brain trauma, and when they recover, they speak in a new voice – usually with what seems to be a recognizable regional accent like say British, French or Spanish. Some people think they are faking it, but that is a lot of acting for many years. Watch the video or do your own research if you like – you be the judge. Interesting stuff! Here is the video link:

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/index.php?rn=222561&cl=10658658&ch=224106

Or you can read a bit more at Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foreign_accent_syndrome

Use ‘Chunking’ to Help Speak Clearer

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Hello everyone,

Whether you have a ‘thick’ accent or whether you are speaking to someone who has it, there is something you can do to assist the clarity of the conversation. Break up your sentences into smaller chunks, or phrases. Many people wrongfully assume that when you can speak English fast, it is a sign of fluency. Wrong! It is no good if no one can follow you, or if they think you are mumbling, or are simply too embarrassed to tell you that they didn’t understand you, right?

Chunk your sentence delivery. Obey pauses (i.e. commas and dashes) in the sentence, and when necessary, add a few other pauses. Deliver your speaking like you are delivering a speech, without as much emphasis of course, but with deliberate attention to your speed and volume. Example – instead of this:

“Hey John do ya wanna go outtathe bar tonight an watch the hockey game overa few beers?”

Try this:

“Hey John, do you wanna go out to the bar tonight, and watch the hockey game, over a few beers?”

I think you get the point. I know it is hard for me to explain this over text, but if you try the sentence yourself once fast, then once slow, you should be able to tell the difference. Try to get something ‘in between’!  Think about most great speakers, for example on TED Talks videos, or most politicians or spiritual leaders.  They tend to chunk up their delivery of information, as well as use medium volume, medium speed, and appropriate stress.  Try to emulate the great speakers, even when you are having a relaxed conversation.  Just ‘dial down’ the public speaking voice a bit.  🙂  Once again this advice is especially useful if you are speaking with an accent.  Go try.  🙂

The Confident Leader

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Hello my friends,

I am happy to introduce to you Larina Case. Last year I bought her book “The Confident Speaker” and use it’s advice to help my clients improve public speaking and presentations. Today I am participating in a ‘blog tour’ to help spread the word about Larina’s newest book, The Confident Leader. Here is an interview by Larina, which I think you will enjoy and find very relevant to our cause:

1. What if we come across as too confident?

Many people worry about appearing arrogant and would rather appear less confident than over-confident. In reality, it is often a lack of confidence that makes people come across as over-confident.

When we lack confidence, we tend to overcompensate. And it is the overcompensation that makes people look over-confident (or look like they’re trying too hard) and puts others off.

If someone is worried that he will come across as unintelligent, he’ll try to use fancy language, and will look like he thinks he’s so smart. If someone worries that she will come across as boring, she will try to be interesting, and will look like she loves to talk about herself.

There are exceptions. Sometimes people actually are arrogant and have an inflated image of themselves. You would know if this were you because you’d think that you can do no wrong, your opinion of yourself would be higher than others (you’d be shocked by Bs on papers or performance reviews that were not 100% glowing). You’d dominate conversations and not be interested in others’ viewpoints. If this is you, then these things need to change. If this is not you, then you really don’t need to worry.

2. What are 3 simple things we can do to build our confidence?

1. Develop your growth mindset. This is your ability to ask yourself questions like, “What can I learn” from situations regardless of their outcome and NOT to judge yourself from the outcome.
2. Take on strategic challenges. Push yourself about 20% past your comfort zone by seeking out and taking on challenges (not just dealing with them as they arise).
3. Give yourself credit. Reward your efforts (not your results) when you have done something difficult.

3. Can we build confidence from career achievement?

We know from recent research that self-esteem and confidence are some of the most important predictors of career success and income, and that it doesn’t go the other way around—we can’t wait until we have a thriving career and hope that it increases our confidence. Instead, if we develop confidence, we’re more likely to have a thriving career.

Confidence does NOT necessarily come from achievement. It comes from how you interpret your actions. Two people can achieve the same level, and one feels great and proud of her process of getting there, and the other feels that they could have done better or worries if they’ll do as well the next time. (Guess who’s more confident?)

4. How come being effective doesn’t cut it in today’s economy?

As you know, the current economy is a challenging one and it will separate the true leaders from the simply effective people. The cream will rise to the top and they will be the ones who will be most competitive for the best jobs, clients, and other opportunities.

Ironically, in tough times, most people become LESS exceptional. They get scared. They retreat into their comfort zones. They seek security and play it safe. They want to blend in and fly under the radar. They are afraid to accept responsibility for things that don’t go well. They do not step up as leaders.

You must avoid this temptation! These things will keep you in the average zone (or worse) and keep you from being exceptional and presenting your best.

How can we find out more about becoming confident leaders?

My new book The Confident Leader: How the Most Successful People Go from Effective to Exceptional provides a 6-step formula for taking on key challenges, making difficult decisions, and navigating outside your comfort zone. The second half applies the formula to key business areas such as staying focused and motivated, marketing yourself, standing out, and dealing with difficult people. It includes interviews with business leaders such as Seth Godin, Tim Sanders and Joe Vitale. Learn more by checking out her book and it’s reviews.

Thank you!