Tag Archives: build rapport

3 Questions with Communication Expert Ric Phillips | The Jenn Report

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Source: 3 Questions with Communication Expert Ric Phillips | The Jenn Report 

Be clear, confident and successful! Don’t let a lack of high-level communication skills hold you back.

Advises Ric Phillips, a Communication Coach since 2006. His clients include professionals and politicians.

A few years ago, I met Ric Phillips at a local networking group and found him friendly and easy to talk to.

Recently, I asked him 3 Business Communication 101 questions. Here’s what he had to say:

1) In this digital age, what are the essential business communication skills?

Ric Phillips:  There are several essential communication skills needed for a successful business relationship, but specifically considering the digital age, I would say:

1 – The ability to build rapport in person and over the internet and phone. Business requires not just human interaction, but humans to like each other. We are not motivated to work with someone or buy something from someone whom we dislike.

2 – Sense the tone. Especially considering texts, emails and VOIP calls, we need to be able to understand not only what is truly being said and meant, but how to ensure our communications going out have a minimal chance of being misinterpreted as snobby, sarcastic or demanding, to name a few potential threats.

3 – Public speaking and presenting… (Please continue reading by clicking the link above (Source link below photo) or https://thejennreport.wordpress.com/2015/10/19/3-questions-with-communication-expert-ric-phillips/ to get to Jenn’s full blog post and finish the article.  Feel free to comment and share!  🙂

Repeat Favourite Phrases to Improve Conversation

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One of the things to remember when you are looking to improve conversation skills, especially if you are using English as a second language and you really want to speak English better, is that English is just one part of language, and language is just one part of communication.

A quick way to build rapport with your listener is to mimic or reflect back their favourite words or expressions. So this way, even if you ‘have an accent’ it won’t be as important as the fact that you are connecting with the person on their level and making them feel comfortable by using a few of their own favourite words/expressions.

This is also a good thing to remember when you are trying to decide if you should sway your English accent towards British or American. The actual answer is – it depends. It depends where you live or who you work with. I am not suggesting you have 2 distinct ‘fake’ voices, one that sounds like James Bond and another that sounds like the President.  I am suggesting that you listen to and imitate the people around you, especially if you are a new immigrant. This will help you bridge the gap and increase fluency or at least a sense of fluency until your English improves a bit more.

There is more I could say on this subject but for now the take-away point is to listen to the people around you for their favourite words and expressions and then repeat them sometimes. Do not be an annoying parrot though. About 3:1 should suffice.  It’s a simple trick that connects and builds rapport.  After all, we like people who seem to be similar to ourselves, right?  🙂

Do You Prefer the Staff to be Nameless or Individuals?

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My wife and I recently went to Summerhill Spa to redeem our freebie (mentioned below), and the first thing I should get out of the way is that the 90-minute hot stone therapy massages were great and we were satisfied.  We tipped well to show our gratitude.
The one thing my wife and I both noticed and thought odd, and is the subject of this blog post, was that no one introduced themselves, either when we came into the establishment nor right before our massages were to start.  They were all Asians in black – well one had a white T-shirt on, but essentially if you did not ask for their names you could not request the masseuse again.  I actually did ask their names (as is my habit and training) and both ladies seemed surprised.  So my first thought was that this was a customer service training mistake, and also it was doing a dis-service to the masseuses as surely their tips and requests would rise if they introduced themselves at the beginning, built rapport and thanked the patrons as they left, giving the patron a name to go with the face and service.
Then it occurred to me that perhaps the management had not over-looked something.  Perhaps they intentionally did not use name-tags, and did not encourage the staff to introduce themselves. 
Why would that be? 
Perhaps to establish a sense of standardization of service at the spa.  In other words – don’t come to the spa just for your favourite girl, because if/when she leaves to go work elsewhere, she might take clients with her!  At the very least clients who’d grown accustomed to her may not return. 
The funny thing is as mentioned before that all the girls are Asian, so if you are not too good at differentiating between Chinese, Korean and Japanese, and if you didn’t ask for names, you simply could not request the same masseuse you had for the next time.  You would have to trust in the standardization of quality of the ‘Women in Black’.
I don’t know which way is better, and I don’t know for sure why the management decided to use this no-name style.  Do you have any thoughts?
For now I think I am going to stick to my belief and communication skills training that says that a name is the most wonderful sound in the world to a person, and to be remembered by someone is flattering and the beginning of building rapport and a healthy relationship.  I always endeavor to remember names of folks in the service industry, especially at places I frequent.  I think I would hope for the same from others.  What do you think/prefer?

What You Can Do to Communicate with Comfort and Trustworthiness

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Hello Fellow Communication Enthusiasts,

Today’s post is about what you can do to communicate with comfort and trustworthiness.

Many business leaders, politicians and public speakers need to get a clear message out to their audience to “trust me”, “follow me” and “believe me”.  Right now in Ontario, Canada we are in the middle of a race to elect the next (or same) Premier.  Will it be the current Liberal leader Dalton McGuinty, PC Tim Hudak or NDP Andrea Horwath?  I have been doing some interviews with media on body language analysis and public speaking techniques for the voters to pay attention to as they watch their would-be leaders on television.

Let’s look at the 3Vs of communicating with comfort and trustworthiness.
Verbally, you need to use words that engage, build rapport quickly, and establish trust.  Use these words/phrases like these:
Friends, …
Fellow (Ontarians, Canadians, Business leaders, etc.)…
We are all in this together…
We all want to avoid a (mistake, economic recession, higher taxes, etc.)
I want to assure you that…
I trust that…
You can trust that…
You can believe me when I say…
Believe me, I will…
Etc.

Vocally, your voice and speech need to be a lower tone/pitch, use medium speed with pauses before and after key words, phrases and points, and use medium volume with a clear voice.  You are going for a rhythm that is at times melodic or hypnotic but without putting people to sleep!  And you will match certain gestures with your stressed words.

Visually to establish rapport and trust, you need to be open and friendly (approachable) in your body language, use an engaging smile or even a laugh if appropriate, and not be wearing a ‘power suit’.  In this case we are attempting to create warmth and trust, not separation from the common group.  Your hands should gesture in open, symmetrical ways and predominantly be in front of the belly or up to the heart level.  Speaking ‘from the heart’ is great for our goals of rapport, comfort and trust.

Lastly, do not rock back and forth or side to side when speaking, and do not back up when making your points.  The audience will read this as a dis-connect between your words and non-verbal communication and it will be a problem.  Your base needs to be as solid as a rock, but your upper body of course gestures smoothly and appropriately with the chosen words.

I hope you use these 3V communication tips the next time you have to win an audience over.  If you are interested in learning more please check out more blog posts, and if you feel you would benefit from a personal assessment then contact me and we can set something up.

Enjoy your day and if you are in Ontario enjoy the upcoming election debate.  I know I will be watching the 3 leaders with a keen eye to see how they make us feel when they speak.

Jack Layton – A Confident Communicator Gone Too Soon

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jack-layton1
As we all know by now in Canada and many parts of the world, our fearless leader of the Opposition, Jack Layton, has succumbed to a second battle with cancer. He was only 61.

Jack was a great communicator because he was able to handle himself in difficult discussions (as the 2011 Leadership Debate certainly highlighted) as well as add a soft touch, a human connection to those he spoke with. He could connect with anyone and make them feel important whether it was face-to-face, over the phone or through email. Those close to him commented often on this ability to shift from professional lecturer/debater to small-town folksy chit-chatter. As a matter of fun-fact, before the 2011 election he was voted the guy Canadians would most want to have a beer with, compared to the other 3 federal leaders he was running against, in an online survey. More noteworthy was his ability to be memorable to those he met, for example the security guards at the Ottawa parliament buildings. That was a key concept of effective communication that Jack understood and employed – the ability to be remembered. That is one of the ingredients to having what people call ‘charm’ and ‘charisma’.

Good bye Jack.  You will be missed.

For more information, please visit his page at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Layton

Recovering from a Bad First Impression

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Have you ever met someone new at a dinner party, networking function, or a dating event, and they rubbed you the wrong way immediately?  Something they said or did, or they way they spoke or acted, just really turned you off?   Sure, we all have had that experience.
Now let me ask you, do you think the person was truly aware of their negative vibe at the time?  Probably not right?  They probably did not try to upset you on purpose, right?  So if you didn’t tell them afterwards of their bad first impression, then they may never know how they came off, and may even think they made a good impression with you!  They may be a bit confused the next time they see you as to why you are running in the opposite direction! 
My next question is – could this be you?  Is it possible that you accidentally gave an unintended negative first impression with a new co-worker, friend of a friend, or even on a date?  Sure it is.  Now what can be done?
Here are some quick steps to take to recover from a bad first impression, assuming you were made aware of it afterwards.
1 – Evaluate feedback rationally.  Who told you that your first impression was negative?  Was it the principle person, friend or observer?  Consider the source before you condemn yourself.  However if you trust the source, or it comes from the principles’ own mouth, then it is time to move to step two.
2 – Self-evaluate.  Ask yourself what impression were you trying to make, and what went wrong?  Was this a misunderstanding?  Do you do this same thing with other people as well?  Is it time you stopped making excuses for this annoying behaviour and accepted that it needs to be changed?  Write things down to be clear and focused.
3 – Contact.  Send an email or if you are brave enough, a call or face-to-face meeting with your accidental victim.  Acknowledge your specific flaw or quirk and explain that that is not normally how you act, or at least explain that there is more to you than just what they saw that evening, and you would like a second chance to show them the real you.  You are not apologizing for your personality, but you can let someone know that you are aware of your bad first impression, and want to show a more rounded personality instead of just what was revealed during the first meeting.  Most people can really appreciate the bravery and humbleness it takes to do this. 
4 – Modify.  Did you dominate the conversation last time?  Well, next time take a break, ask some questions and listen.  Were you so shy and quiet last time that the person thought you were bored or uninterested?  Then next time you need to be engaged, make lots of eye contact, use active listening skills, and show enthusiasm.  Did the last meeting sound like an interview to the person?  Okay, time to lighten up, stick to general topics for now, and give the person time to open up.  I am not suggesting you act completely the opposite, but try to modify yourself and take steps in the right direction to be more balanced.  This will improve your conversational dynamics.
5 – Try your best.  Continue to try to be aware of your own first impressions, and modify when appropriate.  But also accept the fact that not everyone will like you or get along with you, as there are different personalities out there.  The point is that people do not have to love you, but they should at least feel comfortable with you on a first meeting.
After doing a self-assessment, if you think you need to improve your “art of small talk and winning first impressions”, you may find my customized coaching program helpful.  🙂
Here’s to your confident communications! 

Comparing Communication and English Conversations Skills

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What are the English Language Conversation Skills?

English Language Conversation Skills include language abilities, conversation skills, social skills, culture knowledge and non-verbal communication skills.

Non-verbal communication skills are classified as posture, body movements, gestures, facial expressions, proximity and eye contact.

In English speaking countries the non-verbal messages can represent from 50-93% of the meaning.

Social skills and culture knowledge can be generalized as “what to say, when to say it, where and why to say it, and most important how to say it”.

When learning English Language Conversation Skills ESL students must learn: language abilities, conversation skills, social skills, culture knowledge and non-verbal communication skills. ESL Students need everything if they actually want to converse with native English speakers.

ESL Students can not just learn English vocabulary or English pronunciation as it represents less than 50% of most conversations.

What are some of the Professional Communication Skills?

The ability to add charisma to your speaking and interpersonal communications.

The ability to create initial rapport even on first phone calls or meetings.

The ability to build rapport easily in meetings, networking functions, or conversations.

The ability to use specialized industry or business English using industry-specific vocabulary for accuracy.

The ability to emote the appropriate emotion at the correct level.

The ability to create and deliver persuasive and dynamic presentations and speeches.

The ability to display confident leadership and competent management or knowledge.

Other specialized skills include customer service, handling complaints, conflict management.

There are many similarities between conversation and communication skills. Both are very important. One could generalize that communication skills add extra dimensions to conversation skills. One example: Conversations can transmit information where communication skills can transmit trust.
(original post by Ross McBride – ESL in Canada. Reprinted with permission)

German computer geeks learn to flirt

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(In point of fact a lot of my clients come from the world of I.T., finance or engineering. This article is interesting as it indirectly demonstrates how important social communication skills can be lost when a person focuses too much on the ‘hard skills’ or scholastic endeavors. As a Communication Coach I help people find balance in their life and I enjoy doing it.)

BERLIN (Reuters) – Even the most quirky of computer nerds can learn to flirt with finesse thanks to a new “flirting course” being offered to budding IT engineers at Potsdam University south of Berlin.

The 440 students enrolled in the master’s degree course will learn how to write flirtatious text messages and emails, impress people at parties and cope with rejection.

Philip von Senftleben, an author and radio presenter who will teach the course, summed up his job as teaching how to “get someone else’s heart beating fast while yours stays calm.”

The course, which starts next Monday, is part of the social skills section of the IT course and is designed to ease entry into the world of work. Students also learn body language, public-speaking, stress management and presentation skills.

“We want to prepare our students with the social skills needed to succeed both in their private life and their work life,” said Hans-Joachim Allgaier, a spokesman for the institute at Potsdam University where the course is being offered.

(Writing by Anna Brooke; Editing by Nick Vinocur)

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/090109/tecnology/ctech_us_germany_flirting

Repeat Key Phrases to Help Accent

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One of the things to remember when you are looking to speak English better, is that English is just one part of language, and language is just one part of communication.

A quick way to build rapport with your listener is to take a technique from NLP and mimic or reflect back their favourite words or expressions. This way, even if you ‘have an accent’ it won’t be as important as the fact that you are connecting with the person on their level and making them feel comfortable by using one of their own favourite words/expressions.

This is also a good thing to remember when you are trying to decide if you should sway your English accent towards British or American. The actual answer is – it depends. It depends where you live or who you work with. I am not suggesting you have 2 distinct ‘fake’ voices, one that sounds like James Bond and another that sounds like George W.  I am suggesting that you listen to and imitate the people around you, especially if you are an immigrant. This will help you bridge the gap and increase fluency or at least a sense of fluency until your English improves a bit more.

There is more I could say on this subject but for now the take-away point is to listen to the people around you for their key words and expressions and then repeat them sometimes. Do not be an annoying parrot though.  About 3:1 should suffice.

Do You Speak the Same Way to a Taxi Driver and a CEO?

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Greetings everyone!

Sorry it has been a while – Moscow has been keeping me busy (but for only one more week now). I thought you might like to consider the question in the title – from a communications perspective, anyway.

Rebecca MacDonald, Canadian entrepreneur and co-founder of Energy Savings Income Fund, was recently asked a simple question in a business magazine interview: how do you stay nice, warm and down-to-earth in a (sometimes) cutthroat world?

Here is an excerpt of how she replied:

“I’m very comfortable in my own skin. I know who I am. I love people, and I have a great deal of respect for every individual. If I’m talking to a taxi driver, I will enjoy the conversation the same way I’d enjoy a conversation with the CEO of the bank.”

What do you think of her response? How many of you can say the same? (I hope many!)

The truth is that sometimes we choose to ignore people in the service industry, or only listen half heartedly. And then when we meet a ‘big boss’ or have an important interview, or date for that matter (same format sometimes, right?), we get nervous and uptight and ask our friends “what should I say? What can we talk about?” etc.

Why do we feel so different? A person is a person, right?

I aim to feel no different talking to a CEO, a taxi driver, a lawyer, a religious person, a homeless person, a hot woman, or a millionaire. I talk to these people on a regular basis. I care about who they are, their life experiences and I am interested to learn something new in my life.

I also want to make them feel good, or at the very least comfortable talking to me. I take on that responsibility every day to go forth and build relationships. I honestly enjoy talking to people, and it comes from sincerity and empathy. I do not force myself – I want to.

I think we can all learn something from Rebecca MacDonald’s response. Even when you become rich and successful, do not change who you are inside. Do not lose touch with certain members of society. And do not stop enjoying conversations with various people in various circumstances. Simple pleasures are the best!

All the best to you and your next conversation.