Tag Archives: martial arts

Learning to Fight so You Don’t Have to Fight

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As a lifelong martial artist, and current BJJ (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu) roller, I can relate to this meme.  Many people will agree that martial arts training, regardless of the art, will increase one’s confidence.  Having said that – please be aware that it is very possible to be fed incorrect information and be trained in fighting theory and technique that actually does not work, which is very bad if something serious should ever happen.  However the individual still gains confidence from the training.  It is confidence built with a house of cards, but to the individual, from their perspective (before the illusion is shattered) they feel secure and confident.  My quick advice is if you are interested in training in a martial art, or enrolling a child in some classes, do plenty of research on the art, the school, the teacher, etc. to make sure your personal goals are aligned.  Now go train!  🙂

The Body Language of a Warrior

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The Body Language of a Warrior

MusashiI’m currently re-reading an old book I have, called The Martial Artist’s Book of Five Rings: The Definitive Interpretation of Miyamoto Musashi’s Classic Book of Strategy, by Stephen F. Kaufman. This was prompted by my recent viewing of The Samurai Trilogy, the 3 movies created a long time ago to tell the life story of Musashi (1584-1645), who was a real samurai or ronin in the olden days of Japan, and wrote his Book of Five Rings to express his feelings, attitudes and strategies of dueling and of being a warrior.
I came across an excerpt that deals with the body language of a warrior, and I thought to myself: “Wow –this is very specific information on how to set yourself up correctly before a duel!” and as I re-read it, it occurred to me that as a coach, I give very specific instructions on body language, stance, breathing etc. when I am helping clients give a better presentation, or make a winning first impression, for example.  The devil is in the details, perhaps, and so the details must be perfected.

Please enjoy this ‘clip’, and then ask yourself if you were going into a big meeting, interview, giving a talk or PowerPoint, what would your body language convey?  Do you think about it beforehand or just ‘go with the flow?’  I think you know that my advice would be to actually ‘plan’ your vibe that you are sending, just like Musashi did, many years ago.  Here it is, found on page 27:

“I always stress form and balance.  If you are lax in your stances and positioning, then you will be unable to perform your technique effectively.  Focus your concentration on only one thing – making the “hit.”  Narrow your eyes slightly and ever so subtly flare your nostrils.  Always fight with your spine erect and unbent.  Keep your shoulders relaxed and lowered.  Tighten your abdominal muscles and root yourself into the ground.  Make yourself bigger in your mind than you are as a manner of intimidating the enemy.  Slowly work your way toward the enemy until you are ready to strike.  Then do so with utmost conviction, quickness, and power.  Keep your weapons ready at all times.  You should practice the proper stances and movements prior to using any fighting technique and in this manner establish your own sense of being through your particular art.  How often have you witnessed so-called experts with no form or balance?”

When NOT to fight

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A couple of weeks ago I was out with a friend for a couple of beers, and on the way home decided to go to the local liquor store and pick up some supplies. It wasn’t that late, but as I came out of the store I was confronted by a person; a beggar, panhandler, bum, scam-man, etc. whatever you want to call him. (Forgive me if I sound unsympathetic – actually I donate annually to help the homeless. But what I don’t do is give money to a person directly who perhaps wants to buy drugs or alcohol with my hard-earned money instead of much-needed food.  I can’t take the chance.)

Anyway he was polite and I was polite and I told him I have no spare change (what is ‘spare change’ in today’s world, really? Is there such a thing?) He followed me up to the corner and began cat-calling a couple young ladies and getting in their face. I tried to ignore him but unfortunately it was not possible. A few seconds later, while we were waiting for the light to change, he was bothering the girls and so I said something to distract his attention. He turns on me and rambles incoherently something about ’14 years’ and ‘kung fu’ and then proceeds to ‘kick’ me in the tummy! It barely made contact with my thick winter jacket, and it was slow and clumsy, due to his impairment. I had a bag over my shoulder and a heavy bag of new booze in my right hand and so I simply told him (in a stern way but with a smile) “Don’t kick me! Or else I’ll kick you back and you won’t like that!”

My smile let him know that I was non-aggressive but my tone and eye-contact let him know that I was not a push-over or a punching bag. At first he was a bit stunned, but then backed off. The light changed and I headed towards the subway. He followed and apparently not finished yet he called at me saying “I’m right behind you ya know!” so I stopped, took my left hand out of my jacket (I’m left-handed) and stepped up to him with a smile and said “yes I know…” and we talked. Once again it was incoherent (I suspect drugs) but still I let him know that I was not his enemy and that I was just walking towards the subway, and that we were ‘just talking’ with no malice. He seemed to accept that and we shook hands (funny how a few minutes ago he sort of kicked me!) and walked to the station. He went off to harass others and I went home with a smile on my face.

Summary: I was not angry, upset nor had any type of adrenaline rush. I was happy that no violence had occurred, even though some might say I had a right to ‘defend myself’ or put him in his place. I certainly had witnesses to the fact that he struck first. But I didn’t. Why?

I have studied martial arts for 20 years, including stuff like kung fu, muay thai boxing, Brazilian jiu jitsu etc. and I know I can handle myself. I have no desire to hurt anyone. I have confidence to talk to people, even if they are aggressive or assaulting, and I do not have a knee-jerk reaction to strike back. For that I am thankful. I know I can handle myself if I have to, even though I’m not in shape like I used to be, but I also know that good posture, a stern but pleasant voice and solid eye contact can diffuse most conflicts before they get out of hand, or even get started. Also, we have to have a sense of humour in life, right? If not that then at least a sense of empathy or sympathy.

What can you take away from my story? To practice not over-reacting, and to work on your ‘stern voice but smiling face’ presentation when faced with aggression. There are really very few true times when you absolutely NEED to fight, verbally or physically.

Thank you for reading my story.

Control Your Attitude to Improve Your Communications

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Hello everyone,

Tis the season to be holly, jolly and happy, but unfortunately a few people out there have not received the message.

Yesterday I saw two guys almost get in a fist fight on the subway platform, until an undercover cop broke them up. The day before, during a big snow storm, I heard one driver yell to another to “watch out, or I will push you into the ditch!”  Even though I was not directly involved in either of these cases, I was still struck with a reaction. Actually my reaction was immediately to shake my head and wonder why people would risk hurting themselves or innocent by-standers over something as trivial as their own ego and misplaced sense of competitiveness.

Let me expand my thought process to you on this.

Do I have a healthy ego and strong sense of self? Yes, for sure. I am reasonably confident and assume I can hold my own in any situation. Do I get annoyed or offended if someone does some kind of perceived injustice to me? Yeah, sort of, but not really.

“What kind of strange answer is that?” I hear you scream. It is my reaction to competitive behaviour when I am not involved in a game or sport.

Winter storm driving is not a sport. Shopping is not a sport. Getting in line or queue for the subway train is not a sport. I think you get my point. Competition is for sports and games with rules to follow, to determine a winner. None of the above activities should apply.

I have built up a ‘filter’ so that when something happens to me or around me 99% of the time I do not over-react with emotion and ego, or with a competitive spirit. I do not see it as a contest of wills, of right and wrong, of winning and losing. I instead try my best to empathize with the other person or people, and I give them permission to be a flawed human, just like me. Through empathy I try to connect with them and calmly work at resolving the issue, one way or another.

Empathy is the key to communication. We must try to listen, read body language and see the issue from the other person’s perspective. We do not need to fight, or run away, or apologize, or get riled up with defensiveness. We instead should practice self-control and empathy first.

I know some of you understand exactly what I am saying, and I also know some of you are wondering what happy-pill I just took. 🙂   The truth is (to me anyway) that attitude, self-confidence, self-control, conflict management skills and empathy are huge parts of better communication, and that is why we need to incorporate them. When we get emotional and defensive in attitude, we cannot think as clearly as when we maintain our composure, relate to the key emotions first, then problem solve the situation to a satisfactory resolution.

On a personal note I would like to share something with you. Over 20 years of study and practice in martial arts here in Canada and abroad in Asia have taught me two important things. One: I assume I can fight, and I will always hope to be able to hold my own.  Two: I hate to fight, and will do everything I can to avoid it.

Just because I can do something, does not mean that I should do that thing.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you, wherever you are. Enjoy your family time and control your positive attitude, no matter what happens to you or around you.

That will serve you as a gift that keeps on giving, throughout your life, and also for the others around you.

All the best,

Ric