Tag Archives: NLP

Can Effective Communication Skills Get More Out of Our Managers?

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This fresh advertisement is suggesting so.  But why is that?
It’s because managers are the ‘hub’ of an office or other organization.  They translate what the top level or C-suite folks who develop or interpret the vision really want (as far as action goes), and then carry out the communications and processes involved in getting the message to the remaining staff.  The manager, including the Human Resources (HR) personnel, supervisors, and often consultants and high level contractors have to truly understand what the higher ups want, and that takes empathy, active listening skills, often the ability to read non-verbal communication (like body language) correctly, and patience.  These are all great communication skills.  Then they must deliver this information to other managers, front-line staff, contractors and other co-workers of some type.  This takes interpersonal skills, conflict management skills, the skill of delegation, giving direction and feedback effectively without offending others, etc.  These are all excellent communication qualities to have.  So – if you think about it – a manager is quite busy talking to many different people all day above, beside and below them, and we didn’t even discuss conversations with suppliers, vendors, clients and whoever else might cross their path!

We all should be glad if we have (or had) a manager who displayed excellent communication skills.  Because as we see here, it’s very complicated, and unfortunately it’s not very common to find a great manager.  If you have one – tell them tomorrow!
If you ARE a manager, what can you do to evaluate your current communication skills and then make them better if needed?  It starts with a good self-assessment, and maybe deep consideration of any recent feedback.

Here is a great article on the importance of communication skills, and you can use this article as a top 10 checklist to help evaluate your current strengths and weaknesses.

https://inlpcenter.org/importance-of-communication-skills/

Best of luck!

How to Negotiate without Compromising Everything

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Hello everyone,

How do you feel about this word ‘compromise’? Does it have a positive meaning for you, where you say to yourself “okay great, now we both (or all) will win. I love win-win situations”. Or does the word ‘compromise’ have a negative connotation to you, where you think “oh great, now I have to give up something I really want or something I worked hard for (or otherwise feel entitled to). That is not fair to me. Why can’t the laws of social Darwinism apply, and may the best negotiator win?”

The simple answer is this: When you win, you feel good. When you lose, you feel bad. Now if you have the chance to make another person either feel good or feel bad, what should you do? What is the moral thing to do? Their emotional wellness is in your hands. Be responsible.

You should not willingly cause someone pain, suffering and emotional damage if you can avoid it. That is why I am suggesting you try to preserve people’s dignity and feelings even when negotiating hard.

Notice that I did not say to roll over. It is still quite acceptable to negotiate hard, to use persuasion and influence tactics like NLP (neuro-linguistic programming), and to protect your interests. What I am specifically saying is to not use unfounded aggression, aggravation or bullying to get your way, whatever the cost.

What is the cost? It could be friendship, business contacts, neighbours, or more.

What can we do instead? Negotiate but do not insult. This is the difference between being assertive and aggressive. Assertive people stand up but stay calm. Aggressive people do not remain calm. They let their emotions overtake them, and the results are often painful. Go after what you want but with respect. Speak with respect and your opponent will have no choice but to respect you. Have a discussion, not an argument.

May the best person win – or may you both or all win!

NLP Certification – From Home

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Hello,

Recently I have had a couple people email and ask me about NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) certification.
If you google NLP and then your city name, you will get a much more targeted search. Do you want to study live in a group or at home? What is your budget?

For at-home study, here is the link to a course that is 6 dvds plus manual, plus certification (after test): http://store.kevinhogan.com/masteringnlp.aspx?B=6&A=223

Is it the only home-study NLP course? Absolutely not, but I trust the producer both as an expert and as a business man. There is also a bit of a sale going on now too, I gather from the link above.

Here is another website I found that looks good, but I don’t know the cost or the reliability, so buyer beware ok? You can check it out yourself here:
http://www.easynlp.com/?gclid=CMj9oczonJYCFQSwFQodb33g7w

If I can give some advice, I would like to say that anyone interested in NLP should do their homework first and do a bit of background research on NLP, what you think it can do for you, what training courses and certifications are out there for you, and what is a fair price. Some companies will give a certificate fairly fast, but then you have no idea the details of NLP, so what good is that for you? Others want you to study for months and spend lots of money.

Research is the key. Check out a few sites, ask some questions, rely on expert’s opinions (that you know/trust) and then – dive in and enjoy! I certainly am grateful that I learned NLP. I am certified but I am not a master, still, I think it is very useful stuff and my clients seem to enjoy learning about it through my coaching/workshops.

That’s all for now. If any of you out there in “Readerville” have taken a great NLP course and would recommend it, please post a comment here, to share with others.

Ciao 4 now,

Repeat Key Phrases to Help Accent

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One of the things to remember when you are looking to speak English better, is that English is just one part of language, and language is just one part of communication.

A quick way to build rapport with your listener is to take a technique from NLP and mimic or reflect back their favourite words or expressions. This way, even if you ‘have an accent’ it won’t be as important as the fact that you are connecting with the person on their level and making them feel comfortable by using one of their own favourite words/expressions.

This is also a good thing to remember when you are trying to decide if you should sway your English accent towards British or American. The actual answer is – it depends. It depends where you live or who you work with. I am not suggesting you have 2 distinct ‘fake’ voices, one that sounds like James Bond and another that sounds like George W.  I am suggesting that you listen to and imitate the people around you, especially if you are an immigrant. This will help you bridge the gap and increase fluency or at least a sense of fluency until your English improves a bit more.

There is more I could say on this subject but for now the take-away point is to listen to the people around you for their key words and expressions and then repeat them sometimes. Do not be an annoying parrot though.  About 3:1 should suffice.

“What is NLP and how can I use it to improve my communications?”

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This was a valid question given to me recently by one of my coachees. At first NLP can seem (and sound) daunting and scientifically complicated, but I can help you simplify it and use it everyday.

First of all, NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. If you are thinking “brain-language training” you are correct. NLP assists in re-programming or re-conditioning your sub-conscious responses to certain words and situations. Actually it has been around for a while in the coaching world. Richard Bandler and John Grinder founded it in the mid-seventies, heavily based on hypnotherapist Milton H. Erickson’s work.

Do you know the name Anthony (Tony) Robbins? This self-help life coach and motivational speaker (although he hates to be called that) uses the same techniques, but calls them neuro-associative conditioning. I remember seeing Tony Robbins live at a Toronto conference last year. He was amazing, and certainly knew how to ‘condition’ the audience with excitement and energy!

Okay, history lesson over – here is the NLP lesson for today:

…because…

This pattern is useful to help influence, persuade or sell things. Why? Because we are conditioned since childhood to believe whatever answer comes after ‘because’ must be the truth. Think about your childhood. When you did not know an answer to a question, you asked your parents, your teacher, your religious leader. When you asked Why… they answered Because… and it was good enough for you. So even today, as an adult, we are still conditioned to accept the reasons given after this key word as truth. Here is an example of it in use:

Taking your communication skill-set to the next level is beneficial to you because you are aware of the strong need for soft skills in today’s workforce.

OR

Because you know excellent personal communications will benefit your career, you will sign up for Ric’s communication training immediately. (ha ha!)

That is it for now. This is just one example of an NLP word-pattern. As we go along I will introduce more to you, or you can do some research on your own. Now go and practice your new pattern-word on someone, and please check out the coaching programs on this site if you think it will benefit you or someone you know.

Thank you all!

PS – for those of you using English as a second language, I have almost finished creating a new ebook on English idioms, and how to use them wisely. Stay tuned for this new resource.

Thanks again to all of you!