Communication Coach Blog
Do you know this shorthand? FYI?
It means “For Your Information.”
It’s a great way to save time and space in text mail and email.
We even can use it in actual speech!
E.g. “John, I’ll see you at 6pm for dinner, and FYI, it’s your turn to pick up the tab!” (Pay the bill).
I am currently in Japan right now, enjoying my time in Tokyo, Yokohama, and soon Shizuoka and Kyoto.
I’ll post again soon.
Thanks for reading!
Today’s mini-lesson is simple. Be simpler.
Is simple a bad thing? No. (See? A simple answer!)
As a communication and career coach I have seen resumes and cover letters that are too ‘wordy’ and absolutely unclear. This little advice is not just for resumes and CVs, it is also for presentations, speeches, meetings, etc. or just plain conversation.
If you are using ESL – English as a second language – then you are already probably a little nervous about what you say and how you say it. Let me give you some good advice that you can smile with: simplify your language and communications. Do not over-complicate it all. We do not think a person is stupid just because they use simple, easy-to-use English. We often choose the simplest form of speech as it is the most direct and quickest. However if you are using too many big words and are over-polite and too formal etc. we then might think that you are not very comfortable in our world of casual no-nonsense ‘direct’ language.
Think about it. Simplify your thoughts before writing out a ‘thick’ resume or letter. Organize your words using common language before you speak.
Simple is best.
Isn’t that good news?
I had a fantastic time training the wonderful, energetic group of participants over the last weekend, at our 3V communication course. The first day focused on interpersonal skills and the second more on professional skills and public speaking.
Anyway, unfortunately due to my over-zealousness to try to give the group all of my best information, the afternoon of the second day ended up seeming a bit rushed. I had packed too much information into the course and workbooks, and although they can read it at home as many times as they like to help digest it, it still felt bad to rush material and examples. Not something I wanted to do.
So it reminds me today of the 75% rule of public speaking and presentations. Only prepare for 75% of the time allotted. That way you have time to slow down, relax, field questions, and even digress a little if necessary. You know story-telling is a natural digression and can dramatically increase audience listening and participation too. Every one likes a good (and hopefully relevant) story!
So in closing today’s brief post I am reminded of a great Japanese saying: “Saru mo ki kara ochiru.” What is the translation? “Sometimes even monkeys fall out of trees!” (Hey I fell out of the tree, but I don’t think I broke anything!)
Until next time.
As a Communication Coach I get the opportunity to meet and work with people from all walks of life. Sometimes what they are lacking, in addition to “ideal” interpersonal or professional communication skills, is a person or two in their life who they can ‘bounce things off of’, before they go ahead and make a decision that involves others.
Often I fill in for that roll. People ask me if what they are saying matches what they intended to say. They want my opinion on their email or proposal before they send it out. Others ask me to check their speeches (in written form) to see if they can’t be spiced up a bit. The list goes on.
I am honoured and happy to help in these requests, and it reminds me that all of us, even communication coaches, need a trusted friend, family member or mentor to bounce things off of first before communicating the idea to others.
I am lucky I guess, as I have in my ‘circle of influence’ a pool of knowledge to draw from on subjects such as entrepreneurialism, teaching English as second language, marketing, the H.R. profession and so much more. I talk to these few but oh so important people often about my ideas, conflicts, business ambitions and goals in life.
My advice to you today is to ask yourself who can be in your ‘circle of influence’ to help you with your communications. Who do you know and trust to bounce ideas off, to check your emails for content and appropriate messages, or discuss your interview or meetings. They may not call themselves ‘communication coaches’ but they certainly can offer valuable insight and life experience.
Go ahead, don’t be shy – bug them, and bug them often. Just make sure you return the favour to them!
Have a great week!
Here is a sample of what was taught at a previous public 3V communication skills workshop to help our participants communicate their confidence:
Even though only 7% of our communication is verbal, which is our word choice, phrases and expressions used etc. we still need to acknowledge the impact of what we say on others.
A confident person knows when he or she is good at something, and trusts themselves at all times. They know that the words we say affect our belief system. Not cocky, not meek, a confident person simply states the truth.
Now you finish these sentences with confidence!
I am…
I will…
I trust that…
I can…
I’m able to…
Yes, that’s correct. I am…
I trust you. You can do it. I know because…
We also sometimes use ‘softeners’ when we want to be more diplomatic, professional, non-aggressive and non-offensive. A confident person never wants to offend anyone, and is not easily offended either. They always take the higher ground. They are expert managers of conflict. They are excellent listeners and have developed their empathy levels. They have no need to assert their strength to put others down. They can defend themselves politely, yet firmly. They do not argue. They discuss.
Some example softeners are below.
Would you mind…?
Could you please…?
Could I ask…?
Is it possible to…?
I’m wondering if…?
How do you feel about…?
I’m curious to know…
Sometimes changing a small phrase in your sentence or question will make all the difference between being a confident communicator or a wishy-washy or even offensive speaker. Remember that the next time someone tries to bully you as well.
All the best!
This was a valid question given to me recently by one of my coachees. At first NLP can seem (and sound) daunting and scientifically complicated, but I can help you simplify it and use it everyday.
First of all, NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. If you are thinking “brain-language training” you are correct. NLP assists in re-programming or re-conditioning your sub-conscious responses to certain words and situations. Actually it has been around for a while in the coaching world. Richard Bandler and John Grinder founded it in the mid-seventies, heavily based on hypnotherapist Milton H. Erickson’s work.
Do you know the name Anthony (Tony) Robbins? This self-help life coach and motivational speaker (although he hates to be called that) uses the same techniques, but calls them neuro-associative conditioning. I remember seeing Tony Robbins live at a Toronto conference last year. He was amazing, and certainly knew how to ‘condition’ the audience with excitement and energy!
Okay, history lesson over – here is the NLP lesson for today:
…because…
This pattern is useful to help influence, persuade or sell things. Why? Because we are conditioned since childhood to believe whatever answer comes after ‘because’ must be the truth. Think about your childhood. When you did not know an answer to a question, you asked your parents, your teacher, your religious leader. When you asked Why… they answered Because… and it was good enough for you. So even today, as an adult, we are still conditioned to accept the reasons given after this key word as truth. Here is an example of it in use:
Taking your communication skill-set to the next level is beneficial to you because you are aware of the strong need for soft skills in today’s workforce.
OR
Because you know excellent personal communications will benefit your career, you will sign up for Ric’s communication training immediately. (ha ha!)
That is it for now. This is just one example of an NLP word-pattern. As we go along I will introduce more to you, or you can do some research on your own. Now go and practice your new pattern-word on someone, and please check out the coaching programs on this site if you think it will benefit you or someone you know.
Thank you all!
PS – for those of you using English as a second language, I have almost finished creating a new ebook on English idioms, and how to use them wisely. Stay tuned for this new resource.
Thanks again to all of you!
Do you know how confident you should act in your presentations?
Robert Herjavec (one of the angel investors from the TV show “Dragons’ Den” and “Shark Tank”) was recently asked this question: “What’s the most common fundraising flaw you see in entrepreneurs?”
His answer: “Overconfidence, bordering on arrogance. Or lack of confidence, bordering on insecurity.”
As a coach and a believer in the power of confident communications, I know how hard it is to walk this tightrope. You don’t want to fall right? So what should we do? Well the answer for communication is the same answer for the real situation – KEEP YOUR BALANCE.
You must be confident in your pitching and presentations. If you are trying to convince others to believe in you or follow you, you must give them a reason and a feeling to do so. That is right, both logical and emotional reasons must be there. You need to be passionate about what you are saying (or selling) and you need to have hard facts and figures to back up your beliefs.
A confident presenter is challenged less than an unsure or meek one, even on Dragon’s Den or Shark Tank. When a confident person handles the first challenging question successfully, smoothly and convincingly, there is less desire to challenge again and again.
To be confident you must believe in what you are saying, have data to back it up and be comfortable talking about it to others. Confidence comes from competence, and vice versa. Make sure you prepare well.
Keeping your balance means that you must be confident to succeed, especially in North America, and you must balance that with logical reasons so that it is not just your opinion.
For example:
“I think you should buy my soft drink machine because I think it is the best value for money and I get a lot of revenue from it”
could be transformed into:
“To get the best value for your money and a three to one return on investment, choose our soft drink machine. Recent statistics show that there is a growing increase in soft drink machine use when a variety of drinks are offered, and I strongly believe this is the way forward for our company.“
In this example we do not start out with our opinion. We start out with compelling facts and numbers that the logical brain can absorb. Then passion is displayed. It sounds more confident, doesn’t it?
Have you ever had the chance to call someone, but you didn’t? Maybe you sent an email instead, or maybe you said to yourself “Oh, I don’t need to call, he/she knows what I am thinking.” It is strange but true, many people, not just ESL students and immigrants, have a fear of phoning (in English).
It is easy for me to tell you “don’t be shy” but I realize that every time you speak to someone in English, you feel you are being judged in proficiency, and even in intelligence. I have been working with non-native English speakers since 1994 and I can also tell you that when I was teaching at a teacher’s college in rural China (Tongren, Guizhou) from 1998-2000 I also felt people were judging my intelligence by how I spoke Chinese to them.
However I took a lesson from the Spanish speakers of the world – they are never shy to try to speak English! Yes I know the Spanish alphabet and language are closer to English than some others, especially Asian languages, but I want to make a short point here – don’t be shy! That’s right, the more you try, the further you progress. There is no sense waiting until your English is ‘perfect’ because you are only hurting yourself. So the next time you have an opportunity to call someone, just try. Here are some quick tips to help:
1 – prepare unknown vocabulary ahead of time so that you can not only speak more precise words but you can listen more effectively. Learn ISV – industry-specific vocabulary – to help. For example, before calling to order a pizza, study the online menu or brochure to make sure you know the meaning and proper pronunciation of the main parts of the conversation, like delivery, fees, toppings etc.
2 – ask the other speaker to speak slowly if you are not catching everything right away.
3 – Ask the speaker to speak up if their volume is hard to hear.
4 – remember are all human and there are millions of people calling everyday who are not native speakers, so you are not the only one! 🙂
A couple weekends ago I was involved in a training course in downtown Toronto and had to be at a particular hotel for the event both Saturday and Sunday slightly before 9am. Saturday morning I left my home late and decided to take a taxi, to ensure I was not late for the event (first impression management 101 – don’t be late!). I got a very nice cab driver, originally from Ethiopia, and we had a pleasant talk along the way. Like a good businessman he asked if I was going to need a taxi for Sunday’s trip downtown, to which I replied yes. So we agreed that he would pick me up in front of my home at 8:30am, and that he would call me so that I would know when he had arrived. I gave him my business card which has my address and phone numbers (including cell) on it and we left with a handshake, smile and a solid plan.
The next morning it was 8:40 am and I still had not received his call. Not at my residence and not on my cell. I decided to go to the street to see if he was there. He was not. So I had no choice but to walk a bit to the main intersection and catch a new cab. I did so, and as I was getting into a new cab at 8:43am I thought I saw out of the corner of my eye the cab from yesterday, whizzing down my street, I suppose looking for me.
I got in my new cab and arrived on time downtown. All the time I wondered why he didn’t just simply call me, at home or on my cell, just to tell me he was on his way, or that he would be 5 minutes late. I would have waited for an extra five, even though he should have been prompt, as he knew I had a deadline.
The fact is many people have a fear of calling. Whether you are an immigrant or visitor not sure of your English proficiency, or a native speaker who somehow feels embarrassed, many of us do not call when we should.
I have talked to many ESL students and immigrants here in Toronto over the years, and it is really interesting to ask them a simple question – have you ever ordered a pizza by yourself? The answer is quite often no. Interesting when we know they have the English ability and vocabulary, but they lack confidence in their communications.
In my coaching and training we deal with the issue of how and when to call and how to make it appropriate for the situation. Hopefully when we recognize that a business or personal relationship can be damaged or even lost over a simple phone call or lack thereof, it will help us get over that feeling that it could be embarrassing, and make us realize that a quick phone call, like to tell someone that you will be late, can really go a long way in showing respect and empathy for others. This improves how others view you and in turn, how they treat you.
I recently received a phone call from a nice man looking at maybe doing a joint-venture and/or sharing space for workshops and seminars. Although it was a pleasant-enough conversation I would like to remind him and everyone else out there that you must identify yourself at the beginning of your phone call! He confirmed who I was, and then immediately went into his pitch, or reason for calling. It was a little amusing to me at first, but finally after 5 minutes or more chatting I asked “So what is your name?” To which he gave me only his first name. I then was forced to ask the second obvious question “What organization do you represent?” To which he gave me the name and website. So how do you think I felt about his credibility and/or business experience?
This little anecdote serves as a reminder to all of us to always, at the beginning, identify your name (preferably full name with a pause in the middle between your first and last name) and your title if relevant, and finally your company or organization. This sets the right tone for the conversation and avoids confusion. Besides, don’t you want people to know who you are???